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Yes, I do know exactly what you mean. For me, the substance abuse piece is directly tied to trauma and when I have relapsed in the past, "THOSE VOICES" come back pretty fierce. Through therapy I've learned that those voices are not mine, but that of my PTSD which wants to keep me isolated and...

I've struggled with drugs and alcohol in the past myself. You don't have to do it again. Those tapes playing in your mind are likely not your own voice.

I see. Glad to hear it's going well for you. Sometimes I like to just buy the bud and extract the oil for edibles, instead of buying them prepared from the dispensary. This way, I know for sure what is in them and what the dosage is.

Are you making the caps yourself, or buying from a dispensary? I like to make them myself and dose them low. I'd rather take 3 caps and have my edge softened than take 1 cap and be unable to speak. I also have asthma, and find that when using an oil cartridge, it's best to take shorter...

Normally he does not display this behavior, but it would bother me if it were a common occurrence. I understand that some therapists behave in ways that can be egregious and don't mean to take anything away from people who have experienced this (I have, once). That said, therapists are flawed...

I had some travel planned and couldn't post for a bit, but I have now completed sessions 5 and 6 and my symptoms are much less than what they were 3 weeks ago, along with a depression score reduced to 4. Not "out of the woods" or anything like that, but I am noticing a positive improvement. I...

So I have completed session 4 now and feel like I am over a hump. My verdict is that life is in fact, coming together. I still have a long way to go, but reading the initial trauma account to the Dr. helped to make sense of a lot of things. I read it, very quickly the first time and then after...

I am going in for session 4 today and this week has been very difficult. I've been in flashback more than half the time, been suicidal, and picked a fight with my spouse. My job and my child have kept me going. This therapy is difficult for me and at this point, I am not sure if my life is...

Thanks. I’ll let the memories come as they will. I do have a couple instances where I have a certain “felt sense”, but no memory attached to it. I’m having a hard enough time with the stuff I do remember. Good advice and appreciated.

I need to comment here that during this week I have had an uptick in symptoms, particularly suicidal ideation, dysregulation and flashbacks. I was encouraged to find another person who has done this therapy and had the same experience. At the beginning of CPT, symptoms increase, but get better...

Thank you. Very helpful. I need to do a lot of private raging, or "processing" as you put it.

Thanks, I do a lot of this stuff already so that is good to hear. I do explain to her that daddy is sick and needs to visit the head doctor, and that it isn't her fault. I also tried the bubble explanation yesterday, which she seems to be responding to. Thanks for that one.

Thank you. Yes, I believe the rage is a flashback. I don't remember why exactly, but I do remember feeling homicidal rage strongly around age 12.

She is 6, and she LOOOOOOOOVES her daddy which is great. The attention thing is not so much an issue, but she has no concept of physical boundaries which for me equates to hypervigilance and being startled over and over again. Once it starts it's a downward spiral that begins with me trying to...

Yes, we have talked about my child being a trigger. Yes, there is another adult around. We discussed me needing to remove myself suddenly on occasion. What are general coping skills? I pretty much have three, denial, avoidance and a fight response. LOL. No we have not. I am only 4 weeks in to...

Precisely what I hope to avoid!

Yes, I am in therapy. It is helping, but I’m getting worse before I get better sort of thing. In order to untangle all the noise, I’ve got to go through it. I want to prevent any “collateral damage” during this process.

How do you do it without letting the darkness out? My little one is such a trigger for me, but she does not deserve the wrath of my trauma induced distorted thinking. I am deeply afraid of repeating the cycle.

I think this is the right place, but maybe in the therapy forum...? I have a lot of repressed anger that comes out as rage. Being in therapy makes it much closer to the surface than usual. This is a good thing, but I am having a really hard time with regulating myself, which in turn makes me...

Yes, and Lazarus Naturals (Colorado based vertically integrated farm) offers a 60% discount to US veterans, disabled and low income folks with proof of specific situation.

Third session is complete. I avoided completing three stuck point worksheets until 1 hour prior to this session. Completing these right before put me into a flashback as I went into the session, and I wanted to rage. This actually turned out to be very helpful, even though it was uncomfortable...

I'd go back at least one time and tell the therapist how I felt. If you can't continue with him/her, at least you've laid your cards on the table honestly and can move forward with integrity.

Second session is complete. This session consisted of reading my impact statement out loud while the Dr. listened and identified "stuck points". For those not familiar with this therapy, stuck points are basically distorted beliefs arising from the trauma(s). I'll give a stripped down personal...

Usually, when I am worried that someone is mad (almost always in closest relationships or w/authority figures), I am being hypervigilant and looking for evidence that either I am bad and this person's anger with me confirms it, or looking for evidence that someone is going to hurt me in some way.

I experience this occasionally. I'm only recently realizing that it is happening and trying to understand it. For me, it really is like a glass wall. It's like I am inside myself, and another person is "in front" doing the talking and I am not controlling the words that come out of my mouth...