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Yes a flashback! Which is why seeing M - my ex-bf from Circa 1985 from a “FB from 1960s” really alarmed me. I have a flashback then it stops. As time goes by, I will see (during the day and fully awake) “Polaroid” pictures of the “FB” - of a particular scene from the original FB. Sometimes...

No a screen memory is an actual memory that your mind has “disguised” bc it “can’t accept the “truth” as to the actual traumatic event. In this case, instead of me seeing my beloved gf that was abusing me and who I “loved” in a sexual “boyfriend-girlfriend” way I would have to “realiz that he...

Sorry. What I was trying to say is that I had a “flashback that was from the late 1960s”. It is me, at about 5 years old. later on in my day I had another FB od that same event in 1960s and this time when the door opened I saw a man I dated Circa 1985!?! I, in the present day, was shocked and...

I was having a “FB baseball mansion” from the late 1960s. When I was invited into the mansion I saw a man I loved from 1985 standing there. I am guessing it is a “screen memory”?

Yes some people are in autopilot forever. I for one am just starting to wake up after 50+ years of being on autopilot! Sadly many people lose their lives at a very young age due to drugs or alcohol. Disassociation isn’t a curse it’s a blessing that helped YOU stay alive until your could...

I just wanted to tell you that recently (I am 56 years old) I’ve realized that the real me that was sexually abused is locked inside of me and “whomever” has been living my life in what, I thought, was (my) reality. For example, I always thought I had this great life but I see I was entirely...

Ok thank you al. I think it’s important NOT to get sued by these people. Let’s be honest people that do this sort of thing to anyone but especially children are the same type of people who WOULD SUE ME!

I am baffled as to how I can disguise the different members of my family that raped me since a handful of them are still alive. I have a blog here snd a fiend of mine read it and he said he found it hard to follow bc I was using peoples initials. Any advice?

As I’ve read your post it sounded a lot of what I am going though. I work as a live-in aide so I have a lot of quiet time to connect with my body and I can feel at a very low volume what they did to me as a kid in terms of abuse. please explain the top part of your post: Remebered = memory...

Involuntary is great news because you are entering the final stages of the “flashback process”. I am also at this stage where your body will move involuntarily thereby releasing “the negative emotional charge” attached to the original trauma!

Yes but sounds like an “advanced flashback” with memory loss. There isn’t anything to be frightened about. Just know that over the course of time you will see more snd more parts of the flashback when you are ready. When your eyes was it “voluntary” or done “involuntarily”?

I have c-ptsd and am frightened of trying emdr bc of it. I have intense flashbacks on a daily basis and I know that I can feel very overwhelmed bc of it. And I don’t want to accelerate it “if I’m not ready.” Listen to what your gut is saying: if you need to stop then stop!

I feel scattered and I just don’t out any reassure on myself. Whatever my dominant alter wants: popcorn for diner! Great! I play mindless video games, I journal, and remind myself that my hornet has been incredible I have gotten over other horrific fbs and this will be no different. I try to say...

you don’t honestly believe that a “dishonest” man could ever be “honest”, do you? Of course not, it’s like asking a dog to be a cat. This reminds me of my grandmother who kept hoping that her husband would stop raping his daughter, etc. I thought her pathetic until one day I “connected my Gm...

Everything you says has happened to me! Omg! I recently re-read my old diary entries from 12 years ago and realized how much of my life/energy/time I wasted on “him”!! I had little to devote to making myself feel well and focus on MY life! When you’re ready the answer will appear. You are. When...

1) I got into a living profession ie: live-in caregiver because being yelled snd screamed at to sell more or get fired added to my stress 2) started keeping an online diary nexuses suffer from c-ptsd and often have amnesia. So being able to access my thoughts from 6 months ago helps me see my...

Ok what you said is higher than my ability to understand. Lately I’ve been hearing different voices say things. for example, I was at Target checking out with 2 summer dresses. These are dresses I spent an hour finding and after I scanned them both I heard a voice say: Now there was a line and...

Yup! It seems like most chidkren are abused with the permission of the “caregiver(s)”…just know you are a Hero who has struggled against great odds to exist (just like me). I swear I am grateful to be here! Be good to yourself I know your life has a purpose!

Wow! To what you both said! Wow!

Btw I work as a “live in caregiver” for elderly people. It is a quiet job wirh free room and Board. You can also do “live in nanny” jobs which are wonderful bc you get to see chidkren grow!

Hi dharmagirl: about 3 years ago I started reading books written by people who where abused by their dads; and all except one said their mother knew. That was 9 out of 10 and to me: those are odds that don’t exist naturally! And I suspect the 10th just didn’t want to say or hasn’t remembered...

The kart about “I wonder if she’s right..maybe I did just dream all this up..” is a typical response that abusers say to their “victims”. It is another way to frighten you!!! And keep them safe! This is why you need NOt to say anything more to her if she says you made it all up say: yes thank...

You seem like a good hearted person and you are making excuses for him. To me as you speak he is making “crap decisions and taking you down with him” you can SEE what is happening and when you get to this space you are Ok!! I hate to say it but I’ve been there myself. I have recently uninvited...

1) yup! It is a fact that most mothers watched as the dad raped the child. Oddly this happened to me as well. Years ago when I read other survivors books almost all of them said their mothers were there helping, encouraging, and for myself my grandfather got my moms brothers invobvled and his...