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    Idk what to call this it is so horrible!

    I was told I had to start out on the "scary" side until they knew me and knew I wasn't a threat to myself. I didn't even have panties. The ER intern psych doc told me I would be released and then came back in and said after talking with my supervisor on the phone we have to keep you. At that...
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    Idk what to call this it is so horrible!

    I didn't want to put this on here but this new P also said to me so you have abuse as a child...I said yes mental, physical and sexual...he then looked at me and said like actual SEX???? I replied like well if you mean intercourse with a penis no, but touching, fingering and oral yes. I was so...
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    Idk what to call this it is so horrible!

    I don't even know where to start. I started back in T because my PTSD, Panic Disorder and Anxiety were acting up bad. I have been seeing this T for almost 2 months. She suggested I see a psychiatrist. I had an appointment at the end of Sept. The office called me and said that they have a new Doc...
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    Other Ptsd and panic disorder

    This is a new T and she asked what I have been told over the years. I was honest. There is bi-polar on my dad's side of the family, anxiety and depression on my mom's side. She said she diagnosed PTSD and possible panic disorder but she isn't sure yet if the panic disorder is part of the PTSD...
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    Question on ssdi file

    How would I contact social services?
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    Childhood My abusers most recent letter to me

    Me too some days but that is too easy. I hope he never gets out. Of he does I will habe to move out of state. He still stays he is in love with me. He had a parole hearing in 2015 and got denied his next one is in 2025. When I wish he would die it's just so I don't have a damn clock ticking in...
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    Childhood My abusers most recent letter to me

    I can't see the psych until next week. I have been going months with barely any sleep and have 3 kids at home so no sleep during the day either. I am losing my mind. I have 4 year old klonipin but they wear off after an hour. I think they are too old. I have vistaral but that makes me sleep and...
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    Childhood My abusers most recent letter to me

    I started back in T about a month ago and go weekly. She wants me to start EMDR this week and asked if I had a coping method at home. She suggested I find an online group. She doesn't want to do EMDR unless I can cope. I'm scared. I have years of bulit up stuff I have never told anyone. I always...
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    Question on ssdi file

    Thank you for the response. I just want them to understand what I go through. There were more events leading up to my break last year. I can just see them saying well you worked all these hears with PTSD why can't you now? I can show each event up until my break and then maybe they will...
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    Childhood My abusers most recent letter to me

    To answer Eve's questions.... I have a hard time talking about my childhood and really I don't remember most of it. I have buried and blocked it all out. It is hard for me to talk about emotions and how I feel. This is the childhood abuse section and I thought by posting someone with a similar...
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    Question on ssdi file

    I understand about what my medical says...my T is the one who told me to apply. I have worked since I was 16 until last year and I am 30. My symptoms became so severe that I had panic attacks at work. The last day I worked the panic attack was so bad I walked out and never went back. I was at...
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    Childhood My abusers most recent letter to me

    I could make it stop. I allow him to write this online account so I can show the parole boards and prove he is not better in his sick twisted mind. There are over a 100 and believe me I don't really read them. There are many that I don't open. Somehow in my mind I feel like I am punishing him by...
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    What do you avoid at all costs?

    Public bathrooms Having bowel movements when someone is home showering alone open doors of any kind spiders snakes having to speak to a large crowd people looking at me for any reason eye contact germs people sneezing and coughing makes me want to lose it highways if possible putting my feet...
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    Question on ssdi file

    I already have records of that. I just didn't know if I have to show where the PTSD came from.
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    Childhood My abusers most recent letter to me

    Dear (he has my full name listed here) I am letter B my sister letter A and the first person I told of abuse is letter D. CH and CI are friends me and my sister had. DE is my older brother. JU is my abusers sister. this is my last letter & this is my Good bye to you & {{{ I did everything in my...
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    Question on ssdi file

    My PTSD came from childhood abuse. My mother's boyfriend was charged and is still in prison. Do I need to get a copy of the case from the courts to show my traumatic event that caused my PTSD? Also I know this sounds weird, but years ago I wrote to my abuser through an online letter thing called...
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    Took first step and applied

    I am hoping they say YES so my main priority can be to get myself healthy once and for all. I want to be able to go back to work and be normal. I asked my T if I did an inpatient type treatment would that heal me faster? She said well did things go away when you were at 15? I told her no. She...
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    Other Ptsd and panic disorder

    So my T told me today that she thinks I have both PTSD and Panic Disorder. I have never been told I have panic disorder but over the years got mood disorder, PTSD, chronic PTSD, ADD, anxiety and maybe a slight bi-polar. I think so many symptoms cross over that they have no clue what I am fully...
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    Can i lose my ssdi?

    I'm not sure it would affect SSDI as in being kicked off. I wouldn't tell anyone how you become pregnant because that is no ones business. It could be from a one night stand. I do know that the child can then draw off your SSDI so the amount you get per month would increase. I have 3 children...
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    Took first step and applied

    The waiting is going to be the worst part! Wish they would just tell you right away.
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    Took first step and applied

    So I took the first step and applied for SSDI. I'm scared but proud that I finally pushed myself to do it. I don't know what they will say. I have 15 years of medical records dating back from when I was under 18. Do they even look at files from when you were under 18? The only thing I am...
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    Need advice on disability

    We have applied for SSI for our baby but was denied. He is 11 months old and has been hospitalized over 15 times. We are fighting but who knows what they will say. I have been holding off filing for SSDI because I don't want them to think I am money hungry. I also don't think I could handle a...
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    Need advice on disability

    I am only 30 years old. I have had PTSD well for at least 15 years...maybe longer. I wasn't diagnosed until after the abuse stopped. I have had many hiccups over the years. The job I had for 9 years knew about my history. I took FMLA multiple times for anexity and PTSD. It seems like I get worse...
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    T wants me to try emdr

    That makes sense to me. I feel like I am getting worse day by day and that is why I went back to T. I am really scared at where my own thoughts are going this time and I told my T I want weekly sessions. I am hoping I can get back to my normal soon.
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    T wants me to try emdr

    I have only met with this T once. I don't know if I am comfortable with her yet. A lot of my memories are abuse, rape, foster care, parents drug addiction....on and on. I was the second oldest of 6 and first born girl. I hold a lot of guilt about not protecting my siblings and the abuse went on...
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