Childhood My abusers most recent letter to me

[anonymous]

@ShikibuZ I'm not debating anything. There was nothing wrong with how her questions were posed.
Are you perhaps reading tone where there is none?
I have no further comment on the matter.

@BpinkJ You have done nothing wrong.
You are not responsible for what that freak has done to you and your siblings.
It's amazing that you did stand up to him. That's what matters. You were, and are suffering too.
You aren't to blame.
You did save them. That's the important thing to focus on.
You also need to focus on yourself now. There will be other jobs.

Are you in therapy?

 

[Deleted member 41765]

To answer Eve's questions.... I have a hard time talking about my childhood and really I don't remember most of it. I have buried and blocked it al

It is not necessary to answer *any* questions regarding your experience. Nor do you need to justify your reason for posting. Your experience speaks for itself and I will say again the you are BRAVE and COURAGEOUS for sharing here. I am listening...

 

[Deleted member 37474]

To answer Eve's questions.... I have a hard time talking about my childhood and really I don't remember...

I admire you for sharing! Has it helped you feel any better? Have you started a trauma diary? I think that it might help you get even more of this hurt and shame out of your system. I have started writing in mine more and more. Some people have written comments and support along the way that has been very helpful. Please remember that any decisions that you made as a child should not be judged. You did the best you could for the lot you were given!

 

[BpinkJ]

I started back in T about a month ago and go weekly. She wants me to start EMDR this week and asked if I had a coping method at home. She suggested I find an online group. She doesn't want to do EMDR unless I can cope. I'm scared. I have years of bulit up stuff I have never told anyone. I always managed but I think I kept adding to the cup and the cup ran over last year. I had a meltdown. My T has also diagnosed me with panic disorder now and told me to apply for SSDI. I feel ashamed because I'm 30 and have always worked but my T said it is time to focus on me and heal. She is filling out papers for my SSDI. The worst was when I started having thoughts of hurting my children. It scared the shit out of me. I called and texted suicide hotlines but they are a joke. I'm glad I got in to this T quickly. Around where I live it can take months for an appt. After meeting with me twice she wants me in there every week. I told her I knew I was bat shit crazy.

 

[BpinkJ]

I can't see the psych until next week. I have been going months with barely any sleep and have 3 kids at home so no sleep during the day either. I am losing my mind. I have 4 year old klonipin but they wear off after an hour. I think they are too old. I have vistaral but that makes me sleep and then a sleeping pill that I am afraid to take because what if the kids get up or the house catches fire...Im afraid I won't wake up. I don't like any pills. My mom was a pill addict which took her life in 2015. I can remember being little and hiding her pill bottles

 

[anonymous]

Different anonymous here

Just reading his words, he is a sick f*ck and doesn't deserve to live, I hope they're not going to let him out? I couldn't even read it all I'm sorry, it upset and angered me so much.

I wish they would just kill the bastard.

 

[BpinkJ]

Me too some days but that is too easy. I hope he never gets out. Of he does I will habe to move out of state. He still stays he is in love with me. He had a parole hearing in 2015 and got denied his next one is in 2025. When I wish he would die it's just so I don't have a damn clock ticking in my head knowing the day he could get out is getting closer.

 

[Sideways]

I know that it can feel like the treatment, in this case emdr, is going to be too much. I know that it can feel like we can't cope with any more. But you've survived the worst - you have more strength than you realise, and you will get through. It will get better.

Be gentle with yourself.

 

[Teamwork]

Wow, so much going on in his mind. Hope you can just show it to the right people and bot absorb. I hated reading the if you love someone set them free quote as that was very familiar to me as something my mom would say to me when she wanted me to come out of foster care and live at home, as if I could. It's a horrible twist in the plot.

 

[LuckiLee]

@BpinkJ,

Hi. Just wanted to pop in to tell you how strong and brave you are!

I can't believe this "man" is still able to traumatize you while he is incarcerated. How can this be? He even scares the crap out of me! Try not to read his letters and just forward them to the proper authorities.

Sending you hope, strength and positive juju. ;)

 

[XXbabydollXX]

I can't read it .