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I do this a lot, for me it feels like it comes from a need to feel in control. If I keep those memories and thoughts really present they can't spring up on me which feels far more frightening. I know it is not ideal but I feel I can control 'it' rather than 'it' control me. I'm hoping as I...

You can spend forever second guessing what he really thinks, it can send you into a bit of a spin. This sounds like a good plans, little steps, bit by bit. Gauge his reaction, you can choose to say more or leave it there. If tomorrows T session is difficult you know we are all hear to...

Do you think he is curious in the fact that he is asking? Is it because he wants to help but just doesn't know how? Do you think he sees you are hurting but doesn't know how to reach out? Baby steps is a great idea, maybe start with telling him something you discussed in therapy but that...

Thank you @Rumors you are right, there are feelings there, I just don't like them and know there are more to explore as well which is really daunting. It is so frustrating when it feels like the only thing holding you back it yourself but not being able to do anything about it.

This is great that you know what you want to say, just explain it as you have here. Nothing has changed. The secrecy is really difficult and isolating but it doesn't have to be that way. Keep talking on here and with your T, the more you do the easier it will get. There is no rush, be gentle...

I get that completely, I was so frightened of bringing something so horrible into our relationship, I was sure it would change everything and definitely alter the way he viewed me but nothing has changed. I keep my therapy sessions mainly to myself but sometimes if you are having a hard day it...

@Bristol1485 I told my long term partner a few months ago. I was surprised that I wanted to, when I started with therapy I was adamant that I wouldn't, I thought he would be the last person I would want to know but as the therapy progressed it felt more and more important that he should. He...

Yes! That is exactly how it is! You want me to feel something? I have no idea how to do that! She must have got so fed up with the amount of questions I answered with "I don't know". But, like with you, the questions do help, they definitely linger and are things I think on afterwards, I...

I'm sorry you feel this too, I hope one day it can change for everyone.

Still thinking on all you said @Justmehere I think the problem here is I don't want to think of him in this way either, I don't want to believe he is worthy of this shame, I guess that is why it feels easier for me to take it, it fits with everything else I feel so why not have that too.

Thank you @Suzetig, I will definitely try and keep this in mind. I have a tendency of thinking she is the expert and knows best, which obviously in many ways is true but when I am not always able to communicate myself clearly she might not know I'm struggling. I have great faith in her but I...

Thank you @Justmehere I am trying to acknowledge some of the progress I have made, I know I can often bury that in everything else that still feels wrong, I am trying to slow it all down, see where I have come from and not try to expect to fix everything all in one go. I know the things I feel...

Thank you @Justmehere, I really appreciate the reply. Like @MisterCatLady I would often take notes with me but so much of it I just can't say, or if I do it is a lesser version of how I really feel. She'll often ask if there is anything else on my notes that I want to cover but I'll just say...

Does anyone have any tips on acceptance? I am about to begin on some more therapy but I feel that until I am able to accept and sit more comfortably with what happened I am going to carry on denying and diminishing it as that feels easier, safer and far less painful to me. I really want to...

Thank you @Marymickaela for the reply, sorry for the delay in responding, things have been a bit all over the place during the Christmas period. I think my worries are I don't know how to tap into those feelings, as soon as I start to feel that way I shut it off completely, with the exposure...

It just seems that there is hurt which ever way I choose to think of this. I felt so in need to have it validated, that that would allow me to feel it is ok to be effected by it, but here it is and all I can think is that I must have lied to her to make her come to these conclusions, or maybe...

I received a letter from my therapist today. For the first time she directly used the words 'childhood trauma' and 'abuse'. It has really thrown me, those words hurt, really hurt. For all the time I was seeing her I was desperate to have my experience validated, the hear these exact words, but...

@EveHarrington Was he abused? I have no idea, a possibility maybe but I have no way to really know. What I do know is that it started, I think, fairly innocently with looking under the covers and that type of behaviour, when it ended a few years later he was trying to have sex with me, getting...

@Justmehere Thank you, I really appreciate your time in replying. Yes, it makes perfect sense. Does it make perfect sense when I apply it to me though? Not so much! I know it should, I am trying to really hear it and know it. With the therapist I was seeing she would allow me to ask all...

One of my main struggles has been what is considered normal and maybe that is because 'normal' is impossible to define or dependent on too many variables but, forgive me, I am going to ask anyway... What is considered normal sexual behaviour between a brother (aged 12/13) and sister (aged...

@MarsM Wow, you have done so much here in trying to really face this, as I said in a previous post, please recognise this, it is tough, really tough. I relate to so much of what you say. I know that doesn't offer any help but I hope it does offer some understanding that these are all normal...

Hi @LIVELUKE923 Welcome to the site, I am new here too but already gaining so much from being here, the people here have definitely inspired a glimmer of hope in me. I too am here due to unwanted sexual contact with an older brother which I had completely blocked out until a couple of years ago...

@Orion, I can really relate to this, in particular the tremors, they start in my legs and move up my body, it took a few times to realise that they weren't actually noticeable to anyone else. I also have a chest pain and a general tension all over my body like it is preparing for something. I...

@MarsM Please recognise how much you have achieved here, this is huge and no easy place to get too. Allow yourself to feel proud for what you have achieved in this and also in reaching out to a therapist, it takes a lot of bravery and courage. You very much have my admiration.

@Wyska I would echo everything @Rumors has said. For me there is still a long way to go, but yes there is definitely an improvement in feeling more connected. Each time I try and connect with the memories I tend to be able to stay with those feelings for a second longer before the need to...