Hard Words

[Hopefully]

I received a letter from my therapist today. For the first time she directly used the words 'childhood trauma' and 'abuse'. It has really thrown me, those words hurt, really hurt.

For all the time I was seeing her I was desperate to have my experience validated, the hear these exact words, but here they are and all I want to do is push them away, tell her she is wrong, that I am wrong.

I can't think, I can't slow the thoughts down to even really see what they are, I don't even know what I want to think. It has just put me in a spin. I thought this is what I wanted.

 

[Cannottakethis]

Sometimes the truth hurts. I don't mean that in any type of sarcastic way, but sometimes when we keep that little bit of hope that maybe it wasn't as bad as I think, and then confronted with the reality that it was indeed that bad, it's a lot to take in. Take some time to let it sink in and be kind to yourself.

 

[RecedingMoonlight]

Hugs if you accept them, I'm so sorry that you're going through this :(

Sometimes, getting to a correct answer can lead you spiralling because you're so used to being told that you're wrong. It's hard to come to terms with, and it will take time to fully accept it, even if you knew this as a fact to be true. Processing this will take time.

Have you tried any grounding techniques? Be kind to yourself. It's a lot to take in. You and your experiences are valid.

 

[Hopefully]

It just seems that there is hurt which ever way I choose to think of this.

I felt so in need to have it validated, that that would allow me to feel it is ok to be effected by it, but here it is and all I can think is that I must have lied to her to make her come to these conclusions, or maybe I am remembering it wrong, maybe I have misinterpreted it.

If I allow myself to believe it was abuse then I have to really have to accept it happened and if it happen it has such a huge impact on how I see myself, on who I am. I don't want to be that person. It is getting harder and harder to deny what happened I miss being able to tell myself to just forget about it. I so desperately miss being able to ignore it.

@Shells @RecedingMoonlight Thank you for the replies, I am just trying to keep busy and keep distracted. I want to accept it, I just can't do it.