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Thank you for the sympathy and hello again! It's been ummm a rough day. But I definitely can't just spit it out. I've thought about it so many times and it honestly makes me queasy each time. My T does know that it's a trauma for me and it gets danced around a little every now and then but...

My phobia of connecting with other people is destroying me. This is so much to get through typing. I'm just now starting to understand how severe my intimacy phobia is and I was reading just now that a common root cause is CSA or SA. Without going into details, my CSA was from age ? until maybe...

Just being alive 🥲 no nightmares lol but my dreams, yeah, vivid lately. Normally terror in mine too like you said. Also yeah I'm really worried about EMDR now that my support system has been stripped so much. We haven't started on the actual EMDR yet, still trust building and stuff. Thank...

I imagined (Blank Name) Therapist giving me a hug and asking me what's wrong and I broke down in reality lmao

Hoo boy am I drowning!

My partner is actively running from their trauma and mental health and I'm sorry for centering myself - I'm so f*cking stressed out. My support system right now is Me Only™️ and this forum. And I'm supposed to be starting EMDR soon??? You got me f*cked up dude, about to smoke my brains out

Okay google play How To Disappear Completely by Radiohead

Time to scream until my head caves in on itself :)

Thanks for replying! This is actually the same (ex) therapist that terminated with me through email :( unfortunately. It makes me sad to look back and see how hard I was trying

I honestly have no idea if her husband was a paid staff member. I did try to do some digging on that and I couldn't find anything at all but I don't want to assume that that automatically means something bad. I really don't know but it always felt weird or kinda off to me. I also had no idea...

Gotcha, that makes sense. Thank you!

These are all really good questions, I've been bouncing them around in my head since this originally happened. I do know that I'm not comfortable taking action, I don't think our situation warrants outside intervention necessarily. But there's still that nagging feeling that I can't shake about...

Hey all, I hope you're doing well I was recently terminated by surprised, through email, then ghosted by my now ex therapist. It completely blindsided me but looking back, it was the best thing that could have happened for me. There were a fair amount of red flags. But the red flag I'm ultra...

⭐ New Achievement Unlocked!: Had a panic attack in a dream

I really appreciate it 😭 I always forget about writing them down. I have a lot of old notes on my phone that I go back to and reread and I'm like "yikes dude" to myself but it goes back to shame really fast. Like shaming myself for how I felt in that past moment

Kind of a mix of all of the above but at different moments. The negative self talk is there mostly when I'm really depressed or having SI. I was actually kind of surprised, I was thinking about it recently and I don't really have...any self talk? If I do, it's shaming or guilting myself...

Those are a lot of good points about the crisis lines. There's actually someone I recognize on my end, and they've been a little helpful in the past. Definitely can relate to you going into dissociation after letting someone care for you. A few years back when I was still doing in person...

Thank you, it means a lot :(( I'm really not sure what accepting self love would even look or feel like. I can imagine and also act on like taking a bubble bath or watching a favorite TV show but it's all physical actions. The internal dialogue while physically doing things hasn't been able to...

Replying to both you and @StillPen , I did consider a crisis chat but my experience with them has been kinda iffy in general. Thank you both and everyone else who's been checking in and stuff :( I feel okay right now, still deep in self hatred and depression but I got dressed, ate a small...

I'm trying not to feed into negative self talk but it's really hard to find a reason to keep going. Even on days that feel great I still have barely any motivation

I wish I had a car so I could drive it to an empty area and just f*cking scream into the steering wheel

Suicidal internal dialogue: you should just do it, just do it, f*cking do it, why not just do it At the same time as hearing that in my head over and over I'm hearing The Rhythm of the Night, but also over that song I'm hearing the karaoke version from The Disaster Artist end credits being sung...

I agree that I'm not a waste of time because of how I'm feeling but moreso because of my actions. I'm really anxious because I'm meeting with someone on May 10th who I'm supposed to start doing EMDR and Brain spotting with. But it was gonna be me doing active work with both therapists at the...

Thank you for asking. Pretty bad honestly. I just feel empty/numb/hopeless, I feel like a leech. I don't have a very strong support system and I'm trying not to feel like I'm hopeless or a waste of time. I didn't make hardly any progress in almost a year but I thought I was starting to get a...

My therapist just terminated through email. It's what I deserved. I feel like I'm just floating around in space. I can't lean on my friends for support. My partner supports me but there's only so much she can do before her own Stress Cup starts overflowing. I feel so empty and done like I...