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Thank you @ladee. Your words are comforting. At this point, I'm feeling numb and dull. I did end up drinking, but I'm laying down to sleep in a couple of minutes and won't be going anywhere. I feel really disconnected. I hope to walk in a better place. I will be mindful to follow your advice...

After a nearly two months of being self-harm-free, I relapsed again tonight. I was so angry and conflict with my spouse is always a losing battle. I love him, but he makes me feel like I am crazy sometimes. Nothing would relieve the pent-up tension, except for drawing blood and taking a...

A meaningful hug and a good cry

@Fadeaway It does remind me of dissociation. It is so bad though that even when I tell myself I'm in my home, I keep trippin and can't remember again. Panic attacks follow sometimes bc I begin to think I'm losing my mind.

@PiggyBack I am on Pristiq- well the generic. As a child/teen I used to sleep walk and I've always talked in my sleep. I used to "wake" and hear things around me but not be able to open my eyes or move my body. That was all pre-meds too.

At night I have these episodes, especially if my husband wakes me out of sleep shortly after drivingd off. I wake up unable to speak well and unable to reconcile my surroundings (even though it's our home). I begin to feel like I'm losing touch with reality and dear that I will feel that way...

When thinking about trauma I get the jerking, twitching muscle contractions too. If I've had them a lot one day, the next I will be very fatigued and feel low. Yesterday, I attended a training that was triggering at times for me and i jerked and twitched a lot. Today I could hardly get going and...

It's as though she doesn't know how to help people hold their emotions appropriately and she has some inner work to do with herself. Let her know what you need though. That's what you're there for. I'm so sorry

Adjustment disorder... It was sexual abuse, but hey, guess I'll just adjust better. Anxiety and depression, but I struggle with those too to this day.

@Freida what's SD stand for?

@Freida I'm so scared of the feelings. I've done EMDR for a traumatic memory before. I was processing my first rape. That was hard. My body involuntarily twitches and jerks. It can be embarrassing. I made it though and proved to be helpful. This time, what I am working on is my pain from...

Panic attacks bring on explosive poops for me. It is the worst! :poop: escalates the panic more

I have gone back and forth between the two.:confused: not rapidly or anything. Different things trigger both at times .

It is soothing. It's also an antiseptic. Make sure to water it down though. It burns like hell fire if applied directly @KwanYingirl

What you're feeling isn't abnormal. Couple of questions to consider (1) was your T's response more compassionate than what you experienced post-trauma previously? (2) have you had a history of situations that have left you feeling like it's hard to trust? That raw vulnerability can be scary and...

Yes. Something I've found that helps is a squirt bottle of warm water with a few drops of tea tree oil, then pay dry.

I'm beginning emdr with a focus on grieving my emotionally neglectful and abusive mother. I battle the desire for the comfort of a mother figure, but as that is not really a viable option, I am afraid of how I might respond didn't EMDR. I resort to feeling like a small, unprotected, and scared...

@Julesy I can't begin to fathom what it would feel like to be physically held by a mother figure. It's what I long for though. So far I've never mustered to ask for a hug at the end of session. It makes me feel selfish to try to get my needs met. Idk. I'm glad that you shared and am so happy for...

@Fadeaway I know this pain. While reading your post I had to stop because I realized that I was confused whether I had written it or someone else had. It's tremendously difficult. I have the same patterns you do. Please them even though they'll never like me. Drive them away. I am sorry that I...

@UnicornSightings It feels so weird to discuss it with the person that you feel it toward. I know that it is in my head. It happened with another woman, when she did something that caused me to no longer trust her, the shock wave was intense and deep. I found myself feeling angry and it was...

Definitely someone trained in trauma-therapy. My therapist is versatile. We do some CBT and EMDR at times. It really depends on where I'm at. Find someone who is about using modes of therapy to meet your unique needs as an individual and who is trained in several methods.

@mrsps I am in the same spot as you. We have not hugged though and I'm pretty sure that we won't since I voiced my concern about feeling transference. I don't necessarily mind feeling that way, but the fear of being hurt and the tremendous impact it would have coming from another mother figure...

I have a horrible time not gravitating toward mother figures and imagining what it must feel like to be hugged and nurtured. That feeling emerged with my T recently and really scared me. The last time this happened, it was with an older friend and it was grossly misinterpreted. That person said...

Yes, stress has cause me to become ill before. Earlier this year it happened and I was sick for an entire week. The symptoms were flu like but that's not what it was. I was miserable. I am so sorry that you are going through that. That was incredibly Brave of you to go make a report.

She enjoys creative arts and crafts, whether it be painting, drawing, or music. She is most free when creating.