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Thank you, Helen. I think that is exactly what my problem is. I just don't feel safe anymore. I feel vulnerable and insecure, even moreso than ever because of all the uncertainties I've been facing at work, my struggles with my low income and trying to pay bills, my failures at progressing...

Like WillyKat, your "living in everyone else's world" description really stood out to me. Completely unrelated (but I guess in a strange way connected), I watched "The Bachelor" recently, and the statement the Bachelor made to the last President he served fell along the same line- "I feel as...

I haven't been able to fall asleep, and at this rate I won't be getting more than a couple hours rest before I have to be up for work. It's been awhile since I've been on this site - I've had my PTSD under "control" since I stopped putting much focus on trying to date again. However, today...

Welcome to the forum, Marie! I am so sorry to hear what you went through, and especially sorry to hear that you were unable to hold on to your kids. It would absolutely tear me up inside if my child was with my ex, and I know it must be agonizing to think about. :( Court must have been so...

@shell - I'm sorry, I was not trying to be offensive. From the site rules: I've underlined the parts that pertain to my decision to use scripture. There is no rule that says this is not acceptable. The only thing I did wrong, according to this, was to not cite exactly where my quotes came...

Forgiving someone doesn't mean you are saying what they did was OK. I know not everyone on this forum is religious, but I'm going to use a scriptural example here to explain my point - There was a woman taken in adultery, and some men from the church brought her before Jesus as a challenge, to...

Dejavu! I posted a thread on the same topic in the domestic violence forum a couple days ago. ;) Forgiveness is hard. Especially forgiving yourself. I've always felt like I never had any problems with forgiveness, because I don't hold grudges. I don't really get angry with people. I tend to be...

Currently experiencing a flashback that is making it a little hard to focus right now - Trying to slow my breathing and concentrate so I can get it on paper and hopefully out of my system. Chest tight, dizzy, short of breath, panicky, vision cutting in and out... I've flashed back to this...

Two very different examples: My ex was raised in an abusive home - his mother went through one abusive boyfriend after another, his consummation was the result of a rape, and his mother gave him up to foster care when he was thirteen. He turned to violence because it was all he knew, and he...

When I first left the situation, I was seeing a therapist out of a family crisis center that specialized in domestic violence. Her services were free to those who had been through family crises such as DV, divorce, adultery, etc, so I didn't have to worry about insurance or paying for visits...

I have been using my own PTSD as inspiration for some creative work of my own. Since it's my own work on my own life, I get to take my time with it and make it "perfect" before it is presented to the world. If it were me in your situation, and it was my significant other using my life as...

@Nicolette What you are describing is exactly what I would like to be able to do once my son is old enough to decide for himself whether he would like to meet and visit his biological father. Right now, he doesn't even fully understand his lack of father - he actually thinks my older brother is...

I definitely agree with this, and it is what helped me determine that I had indeed done the right thing by leaving, and that I do indeed feel forgiving. I've really felt very little anger toward my ex, and that actually concerns me more than an ability to be forgiving. Shouldn't I feel angry...

Don't worry, Kas. I didn't feel invalidated at all. :) I put the quotations around minor because really, my experience was a minor one but it was still traumatic. Trauma is trauma is trauma - no matter whether it was something small or something huge, it affects us the same way. I've heard from...

I watched a movie last night called "Loving the Bad Guy". From the poor screen angles, poor acting, etc I could tell it was a low budget film - but the story it told really gripped me. It was a Christian based film about a good Christian girl - 23, still living with her parents, still a virgin...

Kas - I know my personal battle with PTSD has been a minor one compared to the battles others face. I "lucked out" in that my trauma did not take place over my formative years, I had a good healthy life before the trauma, and I had some "build up" so that it wasn't exactly sudden or a surprise...

I find this interesting, because I also no longer believe in "happily ever after", but have taken it to mean something quite different from what you've described. I DO believe in "forever". I just don't believe there is anyone out there I'm "meant" to be with - someone where everything will just...

Yes, I was pregnant about the same time the physical abuse started. Made it through the pregnancy, and the baby was five months old when I left. It was having a child from the relationship that saved me, because the abuse had caused me to lose all self worth, and I'd become depressed to the...

Personally, I don't think my trauma is quite resolved yet. I did think it was when my therapist said she thought I didn't need to see her anymore, and I went on and experience life with minimal difficulties. I still had insomnia, occasional nightmares and some intrusive thoughts, but it wasn't...

My reasons for hiding the abuse while I was going through it were all mainly to protect my ex. He was very self-conscious and wanted so badly for my family and friends to accept and like him. I didn't want to ruin his chances of having a good reputation by telling them about the bad. I only ever...

My entire relationship lasted about a year and three months, and was abusive for about a year. The first three months were bliss, and I allowed things to go way too fast. It's hard to pinpoint exactly when the abuse started, because it was at first little manipulative tactics that I hardly even...

I have a hard time with men that express romance through words or actions. I feel like such emotions are just a lie. So many people claim to feel love, when in reality they only feel lust, infatuation, etc. That head-over-heels feeling that we see portrayed in movies so much and depicted as...

This is spot on. I haven't told anyone (even my own family) about my connection that I still feel to my ex and the past relationship other than this guy - he's the only person I've felt comfortable sharing it with. And I don't think I even realized just how strong that connection still was until...

This is how it works with me too! :) My PTSD was really bad for about a year - my emotions extremely hyper-active and hyper-vigilant. Every memory had so many extreme emotions tied to it, that I could hardly handle it. I overreacted to every tiny little thing that brought even the least...

I am also striving to find/start a relationship and am having so many mixed feelings and difficulties. For starters - I have always been slightly socially awkward as I am borderline Aspergers. I was a late bloomer hormonal/emotionally and was never even interested in pursuing a relationship...