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Fly - If you are a reader, there are two excellent books that have been very helpful and influential for me. I've recommended them to many others, and have gone back and reread them for myself several times. Emotional Blackmail by Susan Forward and Dangerous Relationships: How to Stop Domestic...

Instead of posting another flashback, right now I'd like to work on a little processing for the sections quoted below: These two quotes go together, as they are tied to my feelings of anger and resentment. I know I mentioned in my last post that I haven't really felt much anger toward my ex...

Agreed. However, I feel that gaining the knowledge and understanding of the process helps, even if it doesn't get us from A to B immediately. Our instincts and emotions will react to things, even when we know, logically, that no reaction may be necessary. But when I am having, for example, a...

I think minimizing is necessary when we are having extreme reactions to things - the minimizing is helpful then, as it brings our reactions down to manageable levels so we can function properly. But then there can also be a tendency to minimize TOO much, and this can be detrimental. We have to...

My permanent physical damage is very minimal - I have two chipped teeth, a slightly crooked nose (from it being broken and not seeing a doctor after), and a couple scars. The chipped teeth bother me the most - a dentist was able to put "caps" on them, but they aren't super effective. Several...

When I first left my ex, I had nightmares almost every night. Mostly, these nightmares involved me in random public places where I would see my ex and attempt to flee. He would always manage to follow, and he was never actively/angrily chasing me, but I could never seem to get away. Sometimes...

Badger- The texting is a trigger for me, but might not be for your companion. It bothered me immensely because my ex used the phone as a mechanism to control the relationship, and we had several fights over responses I would give to texts/calls that he thought were insensitive or made him...

I think I find myself minimizing entirely sub-consciously. I never even quite understood that this was what I've been doing until reading this post. I don't really consciously think "it wasn't that bad"... but I find myself thinking of the experiences I went through as if what happened was...

Nether- I am so sorry for what you went through. Every time I read/hear a story like yours, I am struck with mixed feelings of awed-disbelief and sickening-realization. Part of me cannot believe that things like this are happening in today's world, and yet another part of me recognizes the...

My flashbacks vary depending on the particular event, how deeply that event ingrained itself into my memory, and when- along the timeline of my relationship- the event happened. "Bigger" events held greater importance to my memory and stuck around in vivid detail, while smaller events tended to...

I'm so sorry you had to go through that! My ex did the same with me, though I wouldn't call what he did molestation. I was willing, or at least willing enough that I wasn't resisting, but it was my first. I was a virgin before him, and my first time HURT. It made me a bit afraid of doing it...

I think a roommate relationship is very different from others, because you are living together and sharing the same space, but there is no obligation to share emotionally or be involved in anything together. Because of this, there is great potential to have a good roommate whom you might never...

Liz - I wanted to give him that speech yesterday, and think it would have made the situation much simpler and faster, but it would have had a far higher possibility of becoming confrontational, and my fear of that kept me from doing it. I know that's the next thing I'm going to have to work up...

Tense. Anxious. Irritated. Impatient. Tired.

Flyaway - I used to wonder why it was his eyes that bothered me so much more than anything else - even more than the terror of being threatened with a knife, or choked, or beaten, etc. But I think it's because the eyes are the image that links me back to all that pain and suffering. There was...

Sara- I am also new to this site, and your situation sounds similar to my own. I was also in an abusive relationship that led to my life and the life of our child together being threatened. However, my situation only lasted for approximately a year before I left. I imagine you've been exposed...

Thanks, everybody. :) Talking/writing things through here really helped give me the boost I needed to be able to do this. I've done a lot of writing to work through things before, but it really does help to get the feedback too, and I'm seriously considering now going back to therapy again...

Yes - I agree that sex is an important part of a romantic relationship and does belong on this level of the hierarchy. However, I still have a hard time with agreeing to call it a need, probably because I don't consider a romantic relationship a need. Within a romantic relationship, sex is...

I was thinking this study sounded a lot more like the frequency of people experiencing trauma depended on where they lived. Since kids live with their mom's (usually), of course they are going to be experiencing the same issues related to their living situations and will be likely to suffer from...

My trauma was an abusive relationship, and I started seeing a therapist almost immediately after I left that relationship. My visits were very consistent - once a week and I could call if something came up and I needed to see her again outside my usual time. At this time my PTSD was pretty much...

Update: I feel so drained, and my chest still feels tight, like my airway has been constricted - might need to use an inhaler... My whole body feels like I put it through an intensive work out and has now gone limp with exhaustion. And all just from my attempts to communicate with this guy...

Kas - Thanks for your response. Reading it was a help for me at least in recognizing how much my own thought processes still have a tendency to take things to unnecessary extremes. I agree that he may not necessarily be intending to be manipulative, but it does still fall under what would be...

falling - I definitely get the "run for the hills" response for my triggers, which is what causes me to wonder if I'm overreacting. After posting here, getting feedback, and taking some time to think about it, I've decided perhaps, that response means I am overreacting, but not necessarily that...

The bolded/underlined stood out to me. It seems like, in your feelings, you are setting your relationship up to fail- because you are expecting him to not have the patience, stamina, and self-restraint to remain sympathetic to your needs and your pace. You are expecting him to become impatient...

Second flashback on my mind - This particular event resurfaces in my thoughts often. It was ultimately the trauma that pushed me over the edge and turned my relationship from something I was willing to work on, to a snare of terror and hopelessness. This is the event that drove me to depression...