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I wasted years and years of time and money on in-network therapists that did not have the skillset I need. I’m currently fighting with my insurance company to pay something, anything of the fees for my out of network therapist who saved my life and has helped me more than anyone else ever has...

Wonderful. Sounds like she was affirming and it was positive all around. Woohoo!!

Amazing! This is a big deal. I hope you feel proud of how hard you’ve work on this and how much it has paid off. Did you have an internal backlash later? When I struggle to share something and then finally do manage to share it, I often find myself having a delayed reaction. A wave of shame and...

I see zero conflict and seriously worry about the perpetuation of this myth. What ends are served by setting God and therapy at odds? Seems like a good way to protect abusers and perpetrators... I don’t think that’s what you are doing, to be clear. I think it’s a belief to protect and uphold...

I have missed so much of my life from being disassociated. It’s ok to be sad about this but I don’t want to get sidetracked with more shame. I’m doing the best I can.

It’s astounding how difficult it is to just say the words. I notice my therapist taking a breath and seeming to choose carefully how to refer to any trauma. She wants me to stay in the room with her. That’s our number one priority. If I disassociate, then the wave crashes on me hours later and I...

Grateful for this thoughtful conversation. Thank you.

I only see my therapist once a week and don’t struggle with the same dx, but I can empathize with you on this. I count on and need that weekly appointment and I feel like I backslide when we miss it. It’s also something I find difficult to explain to my spouse and friends. They don’t understand...

Yes, that friend is not really a friend. I’m so sorry, TexCat.

My therapist told me I needed to stop doing this and she was right. One of my perps has kids and one of his daughters is the age I was when he raped me. He married a woman who also went to the same high school. Looking at their pictures on social media fills me with disgust and fear and self-doubt.

I get it. I desperately need bodywork for medical conditions, but had to stop because it was kicking up terrifying flashbacks and emotional flooding.

Been there! My therapist has gone over occasionally when I needed it. And when I expressed anxiety, she reminded me she is in charge of managing her time and schedule—not me!

Sorry, I mean just NOW processing the grief. I’m so sorry you are going through this pain and loss.

I had to cut off my parents and siblings. It was a few years ago and I am just not processing the grief. It’s not a socially acceptable loss, so it’s difficult to fully grieve...especially when abuse actually caused the disintegration many years prior. I remind myself that parenting is not a...

TexCat, did you make a decision about this? Curious about your thought process and experience.

If I won the lottery, I would schedule more frequent sessions but would also be tempted to pay you to hang around and be my friend. Good grief; I’m officially creepy. Great news.

That’s good! You’re communicating. My T wants me to talk also and she explains how it uses/accesses a different part of my brain. She did finally allow me to write but not talk about one memory that was causing nightmares and a lot of shame. I tried for weeks to tell her and was having...

There has to be a difference between technique and manipulation. There just has to be.

I have a really unhealthy relationship with food. There was a time when I used food in the same way I used to use alcohol. It’s all about numbing. I also don’t respond well to restriction and deprivation. I have to be so gentle and compassionate with myself about what I eat. It’s a big piece of...

I was just posting in another thread about this. The only thing that disrupts my worst nightmares is talking them through with my therapist...all the terrible details. It makes me vomit but stops the endless processing throughout the night. Nightmares are horrible. I hope you can find some relief!

Oils, prayer beads, music, strong lotion, sour candy, fast walking, finding a clean place to lie down on the ground or the floor, squeezing each of my fingers, putting my hands or my bare feet into water, holding ice cubes if I can find some, adjusting or playing with my jewelry, texting or...

Some of the things I learned in this forum are writing it out, starting each session immediately with the hardest topic and asking my therapist for help getting it out. I send an e-mail the night before my session (or earlier if something big comes up). In the email, I blurt out what is most...

I go through cycles of awful nightmares and disrupted sleep. The only thing that seems to help is identifying the memory reflected in the nightmare and processing it with my therapist. My mind unfairly chews on my most humiliating memories this way. My therapist suggested keeping a journal...

For me, I find the more disconnected my feelings are from the trauma the more emotionally reactive I am to everything else in my life. I can weep about a flat tire, for example, but feel numb about a rape. My therapist says it is related to the PTSD and that better regulation comes with healing.

I imagine this discussion hasn’t been easy for any participant. I want to say thank you for all the varied perspectives. I’ve learned a lot!