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OK so if I spell it out and say 'feelings of shame are linked to my body and particular memories such as memories triggered by certain things - like certain smells e.g. mint or certain foods (eg I had a horrible flashback after eating a certain yoghurt once so now I avoid it) and certain types...

Thank you. I think I feel like I need to address these things to feel less ashamed if that makes sense. I need to rip the plaster off. I'm just scared and I remember things and then doubt my memory too.

I'm so sorry that happened to you. So sorry. Yes so the yoghurt reminded me of something horrible and it dripped (so I had a flashback) and now my mind seems to have associate it. Mint smells and flavours are for a different reason. The smell of dog biscuits just because he had a dog and...

Thank you so much that is really helpful. So I could write them down email but set boundaries around what feels OK. And say I want him to know but don't want to talk about any events. I think I'm as ashamed of my response to the trigger as I am of the experience. I worry a lot that I'll say it...

Thank you this is really helpful. I do a lot of avoidance to avoid coming into contact with triggers (so I can't eat certain foods because they remind me of things, and it isn't the food itself that was the problem it is because it reminds me of things). But I don't know if it sounds completely...

And why they are triggering? So like I was in therapy this week and we were talking about different kinds of shame - I have general sense of shame and feeling bad that is very body focused but I also have shame specific to certain events. But if I tell him it might not make sense and then...

Thank you. Wishing you well.

I wondered whether anyone had read any of her books or had done any of the exercises alone or in therapy, and if so did it help?

I feel like this is what happens to me. I just go blank and shut down. I find it really frustrating. It makes me feel silenced and like a child again.

I do find drawing helps generally. So I will try that. Thank you. I sometimes draw things I feel. I do think it helps to process things a bit.

I'm going to try to email the things I've written. Thank you. It does make sense.

I can't. I am an adult now and I can't. I just can't. I'm fully aware of how skewed the police and the criminal justice system are. I can't verbalise it anyway. But I can't. I just wonder if the fear of feeling I have to report if I can talk is unconsciously keeping me from talking. I feel...

I relate to this. You are not on your own. It still wasn't your fault. It really wasn't.

I just wondered whether anyone knows why it can be so difficult to actually verbalise the words and say CSA, abuse, whatever? Or to verbally say 'he touched me' or 'he put x in this place' or whatever? What makes it so difficult? Like what is the process behind that not being able to verbalise...

I've written some brief details of some memories down which I'm going to send to my therapist. They are vague because I can't send the words or read them to myself so I'm hoping the few sentences I've written will make sense and he eil get the enormity of what I'm trying to say. I saw some...

I think I feel like I am more badly affected by it than I should be for something of that 'severity' but then I remember the context (I wasn't safe anyway physically or psychologically even without that) and then the meaning of it to me is really unpleasant and I couldn't tell and my mum liked...

Thank you both I really appreciate those responses. I feel like he will have heard so much worse than my experiences but to me the impact is really significant (obviously, as i have loads of ptsd symptoms plus other things) so it creates so much doubt and dismissing of it. I just found myself...

If someone can help me and tell me whether this was abuse or grooming and what they think a therapist's reaction would be or what anyone's reaction would be if they had never had these experiences I would be grateful. I don't know whether it was bad enough to talk about or how to say it. Or if...

I suppose it has yes. Although I've been fortunate to have a lot of experiences of it being safe recently (I have some good people in my life) I guess early learning experiences and my default fear is that I will be dismissed/laughed at/let down etc. Before the break I was all like "i need to...

Just that really. I feel really needy when I get in touch with things in therapy like a childlike childish feeling as though a part of me is desperate to be listened to, or held and soothed. I have had a break of several weeks over Christmas and it's meant to be a session on Saturday. I feel...

You could give her the post you've written above. Or email her if you can. She will not be a stranger to hearing these things although she will/should get the enormity of how much courage it will take to share. Take care.

I have been seeing a therapist on and off (because it has to be like that due to geography and because I can't really afford to see them weekly also I think it would be too much anyway as I need time to process what has happened in sessions between) I feel like I want to tell this therapist...

My strangest one is certain kinds of weather and smells (like a hot summer day and the bright light). Hot smells. I didn't think I could call it a trigger. Sound of can ring pulls opening. The smell of someone when they come in from the cold. I do have others that are probably more normal but...

Sometimes avoidance can be helpful for a period of time till you see ready to face it. You don't have to face everything all at once :)

Yeah I do mean a therapist. I can't imagine telling a person in my life the whole thing. I loathe myself so much because of how I am and how I cope and who I was. I hate it I just want to run away.