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I have this problem. Only in therapy. I literally can't look at my therapist because I feel so horribly ashamed especially now he knows why I am there.

I feel really tortured by thoughts that it didn't matter and it wasn't bad enough to justify my reaction then and now at the moment. Like my mind really telling me that it wasn't a big deal and to get the f*ck over it. Like who do I think I am to be thinking I even need to share more when...

I'm also scared about why I feel I want to. I have always been really avoidant and shut down (even when having intrusive memories/flashbacks/nightmares/panic) I haven't been able to verbalise things and the shame has been so strong that the idea of telling someone is awful. I've been doing some...

Can you remind yourself of how old you are and take yourself back through your ages reminding yourself of key (safe) events till you are at the age you are now. Can you do some grounding and remind yourself of where you are, items around you that you didn't have when you were a child, things you...

I remind myself where I am. I make myself move my body or make eye contact I have to really force it sometimes to do that. I notice my feet on the ground. That's it really. If it's less intense I usually can ring a friend to talk about nothing important and that helps if I do it early enough...

Thank you so much. I feel really paralysed and overwhelmed at the same time and I haven't got an appt for a month and I just don't want to have to hold it all that long I don't even know if I can. It's like things settle then get overwhelming again. Thank you.

Sorry so just to check do you think if I were to send that and say I don't want to talk about it now I just want to tell you so that I know I have put it somewhere and that's fine - and I will raise different parts as I feel I can. Do you think that is too much? I think the point is that I...

I think that's what I was worried about that it would be too much for my therapist and feel like I am just flooding them in the way I feel flooded I just don't know what to do with it because I want to share it but it feels like it might be too much. I will have a think and maybe I won't send...

I feel really flooded with memories at the moment after my mind has begun to make different kinds of links with things so I wanted to try to write it all down to box it off and try to contain it a bit outside of therapy sessions. I wanted to ask whether the things I have written make any kind...

Thank you so much.

Thank you. I have just sent my T a message just saying thank you and it feels risky because I want her to reply but she won't because I told her not to but I feel like I need her to but I told her not to so it's fine because how can she read my mind but ALSO I am assuming her kindness was...

Thank you. I will. I will do all that. I don't know why I'm so worried she won't know. I think because objectively it could mean a few things and I don't know if she will want to assume. I don't want her to stop me talking and she said we can talk again next session before I told her this. Thank...

I am absolutely craving contact with my therapist and I know it's just a weird attachment thing that will have been activated by disclosing what I did to her. The thing is I could text but in the past I have told her not to respond to texts so if I text she may reasonably not respond and then I...

Thank you for saying that. I can't see her till my next appt because that is just how she works it is very boundaried. Which is ok. I know that's the therapy I signed up for and it's ok. But I will talk about really wanting to see her next time I do if that makes sense. I am able to text her and...

I did not know that fact actually. Wow. Thank you so much. I keep replaying it in my mind. I really need to stop. Thank you for being so kind.

Uuuuugh I need to write this down somewhere where people can see it so that I know people know. Please tell me if you read this and are disgusted. I can't think. I don't want to eat. His fingers and his penis. In my mouth.

Thank you so much. I feel so scared. I desperately want to see my T again (obviously I can't till the next appt) and I know I need to tolerate this myself now. Thank you. It is so horrible. Thank you. I keep thinking I need to make sure she knows what I meant. It feels so awful I can actually...

Oh my goodness I told her I told her that he would put things in my mouth and that this was the worst part for me. I am broken. I am so f*cked. I can't breathe. But she said she is not disgusted by me. She said not at all. She said it is ok. I can't believe I said those words. I feel so scared.

Thank you so much for saying that. I am really glad that by asking the question it has helped someone else.

Thank you for saying you are sorry. And yes it has had an impact. My husband said the other day that it must have felt as though I had gone from one scary situation to another (from chaos at home to this) and he was right. And I think that is also what adds to the horror of it for me. Like that...

Thank you for taking the time to write this. It is all helping me to think about what I might say next time I see my T and I need to think that whatever else is going on in my life, this is important and it matters and it is ok to make space for it. I feel like I don't want my words to hurt her...

I really do appreciate those of you who have taken the time to respond and I am reading every word and taking it in. I am also a little overwhelmed by the responses to be honest. Where I live it is not called rape but I know getting hung up on legal definitions is probably another way of...

This is going to make me want to hide forever but I feel like if I say to her, he went inside me but *with his fingers* not anything else. That is too much and I can't stand it. It is the WORST thing. Because it isn't rape and I then also worry that she will think it was NOTHING because I...

Thank you that makes SO much sense. I find it so hard to say the words sometimes I feel as though I might be physically sick. And the things I have to say and the images I get that intrude make me feel that too. I do speak vaguely and in an abstract way about a lot of things. I suppose it is...

I could have written this so easily. It is so so hard isn't it. I think that is why my T wants me to talk. Because I keep saying I want to but then freezing up. But also because it makes me feel so fragile and ashamed it feels unbearable. There is something about sitting with someone and them...