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This was my H. He is a lot better now. It was a hard road. I don't really know what tipped the balance, a bunch of things probably. I did a bunch of really really HARD non-violent communication with him when he was angry. "You are not listening to me!" was his constant refrain, the burden did...

Ditto.:nailbiting: It is the 'unknown unknowns' that totally freak me out. Yes and yes. My dad, when I went off to boarding school half way around the world at 15 said "Don't get yourself into anything you can't get yourself out of." It was well intentioned - AND totally unhelpful. I did get...

No abuse in my childhood, but severe emotional neglect. My mom ... One of her (adult) friends once said to me "You are so lucky she is your mom." I was old enough I did not make a face. Someone years earlier had said to me, "Your mother is such a nice person." To which I immediately replied...

Sleep is SUPER important for consolidating learning and creating new neural connections AND REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT the brain can only get rid of cellular waste products when we sleep. So if your brain is doing a ton of work (neurons firing like mad, burning up whatever little neurons burn up)...

My experience was very similar. Our couples' T recommended this book. There were things that my H said word for word the same. I was amazed. And distressed. For us, since he was willing to work on it, what turned the corner (once I'd realized this was what was going on...) The book that made the...

I second what @Radise said. There are two senses to "being a victim." Obviously some people are objectively victims - of car accidents, assault, tornados... other people or forces that harm them without "cause." If you are injured in an earthquake, you are an earthquake "victim." This is an...

@J_trustno1 Take a look at this... It makes many things come clear, or at least it has for me and A LOT of people I know... Link Removed

I have no clue how to answer that question @Hope4Now, but I would ask if the flipping out parts have talked to the T about how freaked out they are? They need to be heard too... By your Self. By the T. Sometimes the only way out is through. Phobias... well, if you keep avoiding the scary...

Yup. Actual live human beings in person.

This is one online group. I was recommending as well you see if there was a local 3D group as well.

Here is how I look at it: I've no idea whether you've been selfish or not. Honestly. You may be the model of generosity and giving, or a selfish baby. No way to know from here. What I would say is that your and your family have seriously messed up boundaries, not least around money. And that...

If you can't manage therapy, find a survivor's support group at least. It is a long road, and it is nice to have company in the 3D world as well as here.

Happy Dance for you! No one deserves it more!

Ok maybe it is just me and all, and maybe I am just a total wuss. But this sounds like a HELLISH morning to me. That you went to work at all after that seems like a major thing to me. But like I said, Maybe I'm just a wuss. I read this horse training book once (Mark Rashid - who is an...

I hear you. And ... it is probably worth pointing out that your integrity in this situation is intact. The persons you have dealt with who have been exposed to both of you... clearly think she is a loon. And you are the honest sane one. Why not just do this now? No need to tell her in person...

I have no idea. But I can tell you that she is nuts and what she is doing is classic "Crazy making." (Thank you gizmo for that phrase!) How to stop thinking is not my strong point. Perhaps you could minimize your view of her in some way to make it not so emotionally affecting. Draw pictures of...

Amen to this. No good second guessing the past, but good advice for young people for their futures. The fact that some good came out of a foolish thing, doesn't make it wise for the future.

@Muse you have read Peter Levine's stuff, yes? I came to him through his book "trauma-proofing your kids" and the examples he gave were really helpful to me in understanding those somatic reactions. FWIW It sounds to me like you are well along the path of healing a bunch of those injuries...

If I could go back and tell myself something, and have myself believe it, it would be this: You are NOT FINE. (In my family we were always fine.) Even if other people who should care about you don't (or don't seem to) YOU can care about you. You are NOT an adult yet. The things that are a...

In a funny (or not so funny) way I think this forum is an awesome resource for young people. I suppose I was depressed as a kid too, and a lot after I left home. I had the word, but not the category. I wish I had known other people experienced the world like I did. I wish I'd know "being on my...

AND for all who are in their teens and twenties, you have the opportunity to significantly reshape/heal your brains' development. Your experiences and reflection now MATTER profoundly. As much as you can, seek out the company of people who HAVE good emotional skills. ACT like them, even if you...

The problem with meditation is interesting. Or rather, the extra problem(s) with meditation. I'll have to think on that one. And in some way The meditation instruction I got was basically this: Just let your mind (the drunken monkeys in my case) wander in and out, don't judge, don't try to...

@shimmerz did I tell you about my colleague's extraordinary gift to me of the concept of "found time?" The idea is that if we are going to talk about "losing time" to stupid screw ups or inconveniences, it is only fair that we also include the category of "found time" when we get stood up for...

My H and I were both out of our houses at 15. My best friend here too. Spot on. @otakujome , I think (hope!) the awareness of these dynamics this early for you will make a HUGE difference in your life provided you figure out how you can best act on them for yourself. What I can tell you is you...

I think I like Laurie better than Santa. I for sure appreciate and admire him more. I'm glad the real you is staying. We are more than what happened to us. I don't know what disclosure has you freaked out, but please know that whatever it was it doesn't diminish in any way your value and who...