Not Fitting In At Condo

[KwanYingirl]

well, I have been living in my condo since October and I seem to be really pissing off my upstairs neighbor who happens to be the current president of the condo association. She has faulted me about trash, my parking straight into spot instead of backing in like she does (???), interfering with my flood insurance and most recently hampering the removal of contaminated ceiling that was flooded and which seriously triggered my asthma. For the past week, I have been awake all night with wheezing and bronchi constriction which is terrifying. I had my carpenter here today demolishing the ceiling-to hell with the association-and she appeared on scene to perform for my carpenter by claiming to have demanded the immediate removal of the ceiling ( lie) and shaming me for not having it done (????).

How do I get to a place that I am not perseverating about her? I can't seem to stop thinking about all the drama she created for what, I have no idea. This is worse than putting up with a rotten boyfriend. She really did look foolish admonishing me in front of my carpenter who has known me for years and couldn't believe what he was hearing. He said just forget about it.

That's a big struggle for me. Is it PTSD? I can't shake people off that act like morons and disrespect me. I have done nothing but be myself. So what is wrong with me? Why can't I just let it go? I find myself trying to gear up for the next assault. For what it's worth, the local plumber that has helped me with the kitchen remodel told me none of the local tradesmen will work here anymore. That was supposed to make me feel better but I don't. How can I change my brain and just let it go?

 

[Neverthesame]

Having ptsd myself I can't say for sure that your reaction isn't related. But I am leaning to saying no, probably not. It may be exacerbating your stress, but it is certainly not unjustified.

Your home is supposed to be just that, home. A place that you should feel safe, both physically and mentally. The place you can let out the private aspects of your personality, without being judged or penalised. Not having that can put you in a mindset of having to be "on" all the time. Very frustrating.

Does your condo association have anyone above her? Or else someone outside, who may be able to maintain a more neutral standpoint?

You say she is annoyed about your garbage? I firmly believe it is perfectly acceptable to go over the head of someone who chooses to bury it in the trash, lol.

I can't say I would do this myself but, you could perhaps also try writing her a letter. Asking her to very clearly outline what she wants. And if possible get in writing, a clear black and white list of what is expected of you from the condo association. If nothing else, demand that she puts her silly expectations into writing. Or else she really should not expect you to be a bloody mind reader.

Oh and most importantly, breathe. Sending good vibes your way.

 

[seedling]

Are you not fitting in with the "proper" response to her power trip? She's a real piece of work! I wonder what her goal is with this kind of behavior.

It's hard to deal with people that show up at any time on the attack over petty stuff. Hang in there and take your time to think it over and do your best to figure out how you want to/can deal with it.

Are there other tenants that you can get info from about her - try to find out how it usually plays out with her and see if there's been a past strategy that's worked for someone else.

 

[KwanYingirl]

Ok thanks for the support. I do have emails that clearly show she says one thing and does another. As far as my home needing to be safe-wow!! You are so right about that!! I will do my best to put the past in the past and from this point on I will document in her presence any orders or complaints she spews about me.

The trash problem? It is because the other five units are breaking the law and pretending to be a two unit dwelling. That means six units only have two small trash cans per week and a small milk crate for recycling. They are, by law, required to have a dumpster, but "want to keep things simple" which means-cheap. I won't play the game and buy bags from the town for my trash. It infuriates her. But I'm obeying the law.

She is so harsh, it's hard not to feel hurt. But, can we please be adults and respectful?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Uhm you could always make an "anonymous" report to the town that this dwelling is breaking the law.... Just sayin'....

 

[KwanYingirl]

@Solara. I already have!! Turns out one of the condo owners is very involved in local politics and they turn a blind eye. At least my conscience is clear...

 

[Friday]

Home is sanctuary. Home is where we don't need to fit in, others do. My castle, my rules.

When other people threaten the sanctuary of home? Try and piss all over it? Yep. I get snarky. This is mine. My territory, you'd better back your shit down.

If I'm secure in both my territory & myself, these power hungry excuses of low class wanna be petty dictators are -at worst- pitiable. Poor brain damaged creature, bless their hearts. And -at best- amusing as all out. They don't put me on my guard, because they're no threat.

Once I'm on my guard? I'm on thin ice. Because I have a brief period of time where I'm pissed off, and then I cut all ties to the place. It's no longer "mine" even if I'm there. It's no longer sanctuary, or home. It's just a place I live. So, what I've learned is I either need to ride that anger and declare it mine, and no one can threaten me... So I can get to that place of amused/pity of someone thinking they can boss me in my own home/ sanctuary/ territory... Or the stress eats me. To date, I have about 1 year of max insecure-time, before I cut all ties to the place. And none of that year is fun. I've had as little as a few weeks if I'm not doing well. Some nose dives are easy to pull up out of, some aren't.

So, for me, that feeling is a warning. Shits not right, and I either need to put it to rights inside my own mind/heart quickly, or I need an exit strategy before the only thing I'm capable is walking away.

Don't know what, if any, translates... Just my experience.

 

[Eleanor]

How do I get to a place that I am not perseverating about her? I can't seem to stop thinking about all the drama she created for what, I have no idea.

I have no idea. But I can tell you that she is nuts and what she is doing is classic "Crazy making." (Thank you gizmo for that phrase!) How to stop thinking is not my strong point. Perhaps you could minimize your view of her in some way to make it not so emotionally affecting. Draw pictures of her and make them silly and trivial (mustaches is a classic, clown feet, witch hat, that kind of thing. I am CERTAIN you can do much better than those if you put your mind to it.) Voodoo dolls. Silly songs. Imagine her speaking in a Daisy Duck voice?

In another thread we've been talking about the universe and how it gives us opportunity to "practice." Maybe this is an opportunity for you to FINALLY see through some mistaken belief you have? About yourself? Others? Some emotionally laden something?

What pattern/habit of though triggers your reactions?

 

[KwanYingirl]

Thank you @Eleanor you've given me some ideas to defuse the hurt I feel inside. She just has been on a campaign to bitch, harass and generally lie about things she does. I have a really hard time with self soothing, like how do I comfort myself? You gave me some good ideas. Merci!

 

[KwanYingirl]

@Eleanor I think what gets triggered for me is the attack on my integrity and the performances she likes to give when she has an audience. I notice she never came home since yesterday so I hope she drove her fing car into the clear cold Atlantic freaking Ocean.

 

[KwanYingirl]

The bigger picture here is my inability to tolerate abuse and inability to self soothe. Like Friday says, either make peace with myself or plan a move. Have you seen Tim Burtons Alice in Wonderland? This chick is the red queen (played by Helena Bonham Carter)

 

[Deleted member 28986]

I have recently struggled with a co-op president from hell. It was a great place to live, a killer location, at a great price, but her living there and being president made it ultimately become an unbelievable situation after five years.

We wound up moving out, but they did funny math that meant our entire $5000 share (which is like a deposit) was forfeited. I don't have the patience to deal with that woman, but I would hire a lawyer if I could afford one. It's not really a priority right now though.

Hugs, and I'm sorry your president is bat-shit crazy. Don't let her crazy lead you to believe that you did something wrong. Giant hugs.