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Billie - I'm sorry you feel so horrible. Your survival didn't cause others not to survive - it was the perpetrators. That you feel guilt indicates that you are a good person, light years ahead of the perps. But you are carrying guilt that belongs to them. Don't carry it for them. I want to...

@Ms Spock The small changes all add up :)

Exhausted. A bit of dissociation yesterday and today. My boss and I had the conversation about the contract - and surprisingly I think she was anxious that I might leave (I've only been there 10 months, and I'm the second-longest-serving person she has - she's lost about 8 people since I've...

When you get startled by your own reflection in the glass door.

Sounds like you really struck the right guy, and you've got such strong resolve as well. Thank you for sharing that - it's a great message!

@roaminggnome That's not a good situation to be in - I'm so sorry. I'm glad at least that you can wean off of them. Just dropping you like that seems highly unethical. I'm angry that this is happening to you. I hope you are ok. I know it won't fix anything, but sending safe hugs your way.

Very apprehensive and nervous. Had a very triggering day today. Tomorrow I have to have an uncomfortable discussion with my overassertive boss, who wants me to sign an unfair work contract (she hadn't bothered doing one before now, I've been there 10 months). I want a couple of changes...

This may not be an option for you, but I wonder if they would let you do your senior part-time? If you thought that would work for you that is. My son did that in the past year or so due to a medical condition, but I'm guessing it won't be an option everywhere.

@BlackbirdSinging that isn't fun. My brothers used to think it was funny to scare me due to my response growing up. Didn't realise why. Sometimes it was super easy, sometimes I didn't respond at all (think I was dissociated) and that added to the game. I guess the "normal" people get a kick...

@Ed Norton I hope you are ok. Being blamed and minimised makes me upset and angry too. Hang in there. I am feeling exhausted from lack of sleep due to nightmares and stress. I am feeling very stressed and on edge. I feel like I have a mix of depression and anger as well. Got to keep...

@Hashi I'm sorry my post made no sense to you. I'm only 3 months into therapy, so I guess I'm still trying to work on understanding and change for myself. Perhaps I ought not to have chimed in, though I did because I didn't want Radise to feel alone in this. I didn't mean to infer that...

Wow - great work! That's awesome news! Glad to know you are going to report her too.

My best friend when I was 11 - she saved my life - I was drowning. And - a more recent one - Mahala Yousufzai. She's the teenage girl from Pakistan who survived being shot in the head because she is an activist regarding the rights of girls to be educated. She recovered, and went right back...

Hey Radise. I'm 43 and still act like a kid in some situations - and feel like one too. I'm trying hard, but it's really difficult. I really identify with what you wrote. I too have lost it in situations and run for it. Flight response I guess. It's what eventually drove me to finally go...

I am sorry to hear you no longer have Sparky. I lost my most wonderful dog 16 years ago - I still love her and miss her. The pain of losing her gradually lessoned with time, but I have never stopped missing her. Allow yourself to grieve. It's ok to feel whatever you feel. There's no set...

Lots of stress the past few days. Hasn't done me much good. I've had to talk myself down from near panic once last night and twice today. I've had the recurring nightmares a bit lately too, and got a nasty fright when a truck made a loud noise suddenly as I was passing it. But - I have to...

I'm sorry it didn't work out so well for you. :( It sounds like your brain is very good at protecting you so that you cannot access stuff. Same as our brains usually do I guess. You didn't fail - your brain is just really good at this. My only EMDR, I couldn't access anything for ages. I...

Anxiety increasing. Feel low.

Samantha - I want to say that I admire your courage. I think I would probably fall in a heap if that happened to me. I hate to imagine how you might be feeling.

Samantha - if there has been a mistake - then I am very sorry. If you are being truthful, then it would have hurt terribly.

Whaat! That's a shock. I guess...this is the internet. But...this sucks. I do not understand the motivation behind that. Anthony is a legend to notice!

Well, take it with a grain of salt, but - that sounds like OCD. I have PTSD, and I react to triggers related to my trauma, and go into survival mode, or threat mode. I'm easily startled, and have intrusive thoughts, nightmares and flashbacks. Where there seems like there is overlap is that in...

Kas - your plan to use the fictitious location sounds like a good one. I had a bit of trouble creating safety too, and I found that having an imaginary place was useful. I also imagined my old dog, who I travelled with, who has been dead for maybe 15 years but who I still think about a lot. I...

I can only agree that establishing a place of safety in your mind is important. I would also add that if it's possible, keep the rest of that day and the following day or two as stress-free as you can, maybe do something calming and restful, or nothing at all. I went to work the following day...

Hey there. I hope you are ok. This is the kind of scenario that for me would likely have ended the same way. I too punch myself in the head when overwhelmed, and often find myself crying on the floor. It's no fun at all. Do whatever it takes to ground you and make you feel safe.