Still Feel Sad/angry After Death Of Dog

[framebyframe]

For years, I considered my dog's existence to be the only thing that was keeping me alive. When he dies, I thought, I will kill myself. Obviously that didn't happen.

You people are probably the best people to talk about traumatic events with, since you've lived through so much horror. This is the second most traumatic thing I've been through in my life: I witnessed my dog's euthanasia.

My dog, although he could not talk, was like a friend to me. He was euthanized around late September/early October of 2013.

Right now, I'm on the verge of tears just thinking about Sparky. I'm not sure why...I think I should be over this by now. After Sparky's death, my sadness has largely been replaced by anger. Anger that HE was the only one who reached out to me, who at least LOOKED like he empathized with me when I was down, instead of passing me off as an annoyance, someone to be disposed of.

I have my PTSD appointment tomorrow, to determine whether or not I actually have it. (Wish me luck!) I guess I could ask the same question there, but is it normal to hang onto emotions like sadness and anger months after the death of a dog?

 

[SeanCharles]

Sure it is! Anger and sadness are part of grief with the loss of a pet or emotional support animal. The emotions with the grief process are neither right or wrong; they just are. Processing these emotions is what is important. Grief does have five stages, and anger is one of them. I know this from previous experience when I went through a peer support program dealing with grief. I am not self-promoting here I am merely sharing my own experience. Anyway, I wish you well with your appointment. Dogs teach us unconditional love, they make great friends without judgement.

 

[Ed Norton]

I know how you feel, I lost my Jabjab (Jabby) in 2012 and I am still in grief. She was suffering to but she died in her sleep before she had to be euthanised. I am so very sorry for your loss.

With PTSD an animal may be the only real support you have.

 

[framebyframe]

Thanks for the replies, everyone.

Geordie, I agree wholeheartedly. Everyone thought of me as a nuisance because of my OCD. My dog was the only one who feel sad when I felt sad, who felt happy when I felt happy.

And Ed, I'm sorry that animals might be the only real support that a PTSD sufferer might have. I have not been diagnosed with PTSD.

I felt SO f*cking guilty after my dog's death. You see, I play the guitar, and sometimes when my parents were out of the house, I put the volume up to full blast, just for fun. I KNEW that my guitar's tone was harsh enough to cause Sparky pain, yet I didn't think it meant much. Now I'm revisiting the possibility that maybe my dog died because the stress from hearing my harsh guitar tone caused him to develop an illness.

Is that possible?

 

[Ed Norton]

No it was not your fault. Do not blame yourself, sometimes I would give my Jabby a little swat on the butt, I feel guilyu about that but it did not cause her death.

 

[SeanCharles]

Realistic and Unrealistic guilt... Yes there are two different types of guilt. The realistic guilt is that which you're responsible for and the unrealistic guilt you have no control over. I remember feeling guilt when a dog chose me over my step child. My my ex had arranged to get him a dog. Was it my fault the dog chose me over my step son?

 

[macca]

I am sorry to hear you no longer have Sparky. I lost my most wonderful dog 16 years ago - I still love her and miss her. The pain of losing her gradually lessoned with time, but I have never stopped missing her. Allow yourself to grieve. It's ok to feel whatever you feel. There's no set time to be over something - it just takes how long it takes.

 

[arfie]

It is normal for me. I feel the loss of every animal I have ever bonded with, whether the los was from death or living changes. I am almost 60. That is ALLOT of animals. Yes, many, many dogs. The dog I had to euthanize hurts the most. There was a pair of mockingbirds who bore witness to his pain and continued to imitate his noises long after he was gone... I still hear it sometimes...

When one of my animals visits me in this way, I sit with them a while, following their memory to the prime of our relationship. It has been a touch of heaven when I have been able to end the meditation with them bounding off in search of the ultimate spot to pee.

 

[ms spock]

Now I'm revisiting the possibility that maybe my dog died because the stress from hearing my harsh guitar tone caused him to develop an illness.

Is that possible?

That is the bargaining stage of grief. And No your guitar playing didn't cause your dog to develop an illness.

Whilst I am a fan of logical thinking I don't seem to do much in my own life at times so I thought I would share some of my logical thought with you.

Punishing yourself or second guessing yourself is not productive.

You loved your dog. He died. It is a terrible loss. So you have to be kind to yourself and not beat yourself up over what ifs?

 

[The Albatross]

I don't think there's anything wrong with holding on to the concept of "unconditional love and acceptance". Just my take.

 

[SeanCharles]

Wow! Some great replies. @Ms Spock you hit the nail on the head... I couldn't remember whether that was the bargaining stage or whether that was the real/unreal guilt. I know for me I had a lot of unrealistic guilt issues I have overcome before finding this forum. I do remember the bargaining stage. You are also right.. with the what ifs, you can also throw in shoulda coulda wouldas too! :)

It's refreshing when you're reminded even if you're removed from the cycle of grief when you can still identify with someone like framebyframe is and I could recognize the guilt stage. I myself am in many ways at the 6th stage of grief (yes, there actually are 6 stages) this sixth stage is reaching out! there are five stages to work through in grief... Going over or around them leads you to trouble... it's like this: if theirs a door you either open it or you walk through the open doorway, otherwise you remain where you were.

 

[framebyframe]

Thanks for the reassurance, guys. But unfortunately, I still think "what if I didn't play the guitar so loudly, and what if I didn't cause my dog so much auditory pain?" It's going to take a while to get out of this spot. I think about that question constantly now, at least today I did.

And Geordie, it's wonderful that you're reaching out! Keep doing that, it's a good thing. :)