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@Sietz Her Youtube page looks promising! I actually think I tried the 30 day yoga but gave up on day 2 because it was honestly quite challenging, but I havent looked at the beginner videos yet. Will do!

So, my muscle tension is really, really high again. My neck, shoulders and back are constantly cramped. I can feel the knots in my muscles really easily. I know this is a common 'stressthing' for me, but stress is currently high as I just started EMDR and it's pretty tough on me. Getting out of...

I'm actively reminding myself everyday now. Of what happened, of my symptoms. Honestly, EMDR is stirring up things and gave me a couple more memories back.. and those are pretty bad. Still I'm able to question if I wanted those things to happen, if I consented to them or even enjoyed them at the...

Time outs are a big thing here. I had to learn to let my husband go when he needed one, and I had to learn how to take one for myself. If one if you is heated, there's no point in moving on. Take the time you need, and accept what time he needs.. Only talk when both of you are calm. And really...

Welcome to myPTSD! I'm glad you found us. For me, being able to be fully honest, knowing that I won't get judged here, has made a big difference in my recovery. I hope we can help you just as much as MyPTSD has already done for me.

For my best buddy Walt (one of our cats). I had a hard time getting out of bed this morning and judging myself over it. Then he jumped on the bed to lie down on my chest, staring me right in the face and purring so hard I swear his entire body was vibrating. He knows about THAT rule we have in...

When all day you think 'I want to watch that movie on netflix' And cant seem to get the remote and put it on. Can't seem to be able to unload the dishwasher. Can't seem to be able to make a single productive choice. But when the cats want food, no problem.

Wow. I didn't really eat much today. I had breakfast with yoghurt and granola. Was anxious for therapy so didnt eat. Had a handful of crisps and some ice tea and a few cups of coffee. It's now 8pm and my husband is finally off work. He's going to get some pizza on the way home because...

7 degrees celsius / 44 F Rainy and cloudy I'm really happy the snow and cold aren't here yet. I'm terrified driving in the snow. But as the Starks say, winter is coming.

clouds, where they

Can't

@Lucycat Thanks for your answer! Ive been talking it over with my husband and he's not sure. I know being diagnosed wont change who I am, but I'm hoping my treatment could get more specific. I'm hoping to get to no myself better and, well, cut myself some slack when needed. I'm a couple of...

@Freida Thank you for validating. I don't have any more words right now. But thank you So when you said that, I literally started shaking all over. Had emdr this morning. Been feeling numb and literally looking for triggers online (selfdestructive, I know), but still feeling numb. Me, gently...

Thank you all for your replies. A lot of stuff happened right after the emdr session, so I've been a little busy with that. I RECOGNIZE that talking about one of my trauma events was really hard. I RECOGNIZE that my tension was superhigh. That I could barely breathe, or move, and that I almost...

I'm just trying to distract myself in any way possible from the fear I'm feeling because I have EMDR in 1,5 hours. Problem is, because of the fear I can't concentrate on getting myself distracted. So I'm turning in a little panickball.

It's pretty clear in the title. I have had a lot of diagnoses over the year, had myself tested for them after they 'assumed' that was the problem and got back negative tests. I'd been free from therapy and most of my issues for over 5 years, but got sucked in the black hole again last year...

Another CSA survivor with cysts here. But with me it was probably a 'one time thing' for as far as I know. Maybe a couple times. I don't remember, really.. In my country you don't have to go for checkups. I've been in the office a couple of times as a result of the sexual abuse later in life...

I don't really know when things cross over from 'regular violence' to torture. And some (actually many) parts of me, are getting really scared by the question. I'm excellent in denying awful things. I wasn't kidnapped. I wasn't hit. I haven't broken any bones. But when I read the article...

I want to feel relaxed again. I have an endless need of staying in control over everything all the time. So if I'm busy controlling stuff and doing things, I don't get anxious. But the moment I sit or lie down, I'm anxious, nervous, restless. I can't relax, my mind is always racing with musts...

I've had 3 inpatient admissions. The firt was open admission, stayed on weekdays and was home in the weekends. I was 17 and it really gave me a break from dealing with my parents. I had schematherapy individually, and diverse grouptherapies. Drama, physical, creative, socio, and psychotherapy. I...

So, tomorrow my first EMDR session is scheduled. And I'm scared. Not even because of what's likely going to happen, but because I'm afraid nothings going to happen, because I feel like a fraud. It's not the first time I felt this way. I know ptsd is a cycle, but when things are going relatively...

I can really relate to your post. One of my most severe cognitive distortions is 'I am an object to be used' and 'I made myself into that'. I've been struggling to come to terms with the FACT that I did not freely choose to have sex with them. In my mind I was an adult and I went to my abusers...

Damn, that's good... I tried to be honest in therapy, I always have. But I think that only the last couple months I've been able to - sometimes - be honest to myself. I was probably lying without knowing I was.

I´m a sufferer, but I don´t disappear as your partner/ex does or did. Being scared in a good way doesn't really ring a bell with me. Being scared is never a good thing for me. Him disappearing and getting his mind right does sound pretty familiar, it's a coping strategy that I'm exploring right...

Maybe the inner kid does WANT food? Or wants energy to play and have fun? Maybe try to have a conversation with your inner kid about what the kid DOES want and how food is neccesary for those things? Meanwhile, I'm a complete mess, probably getting admitted somewhere next week. I didn't want...