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A senator came out and told that a superior officer raped her. She claimed she was raped more than once. While I will never be a part of the #me too movement as I'm afraid they may have me saying the N word on video, and honestly I just don't want to be a part of it; I am glad other women are...

5am and the first thing I think about was what happened just 3 years ago. I stopped myself from getting upset, and just got out of bed instead. I have a cold which sucks. Dry hacking hurts. I don't know if I'll ever get over it. Nothing good ever came about it. I was hurting seriously bad as...

In my social work class tonight something struck me about my life growing up and my childhood. My dad was mentally ill, and it affected me greatly. We use words like.mentally illness now days to describe people.but that is a recent subject who's. Definition has broadened over the past decade. My...

I understand a little better about somethings. Now that I fully know what had happened. My self esteem was so low like mental illness low self esteem. I couldn't believe what was happened and in toggling back and forth between two different realities one being the reality proven to me with my...

I didn't realize as a kid how the decision and actions I made would affect me for life. I think that's why they have laws protecting kids. My ptsd is no longer highly active for now, but some songs and things run through my head that would have bothered me in ptsd cycle. I am trying to heal...

I'm not money oriented. As long as I have enough to live ok I'm fine. I have enough now, but when I am older it may not be enough, so I am doing things to try to get some retirement or up my social security of possible. I think maybe if all I cared about was money then I might have been better...

I think the worst part I've dealt with in this last flashback cycle and the worst part of processing it is that so many people knew what that guy did to me, and so many people were watching it, and me live my life for so long as a "show" while watching me suffer and cry at times never showing me...

I had a really bad flashback last Thursday. I came home and sobbed like it was all new again. The state of mind lasted for about a week. Obsessing over the trauma while my body went into fight or flight was impossible to stop until the flight or fight ended. I am on medication, and most of the...

I can feel my hands, and my body again. I think I'm finally off that last flashback/ptsd cycle. Hopefully I will make much more sense. I am.not sure that I didn't make sense though except on things maybe I am unsure of and will be u sure of forever. Being tortured by complete strangers that fo...

Why can I write this stuff here, BUt when it was on "only for me" on Facebook did they feel the need to do it again and make sure I knew I was nothing 21 years gone to confusion mental illness like pts d DID a major depression? I survived which is all I could really do at the time. I was just...

The men in generations before we're raised to.think women like me were loose and deserved the negative consequences of not waiting until I was married. The generations around my age were brought up with women straight subjugated to sex objects (yeah thanks Madonna after a point you just become...

Last few words about power abuse. Harvey Winstein friends of presidents, ex presidents, and all of Hollywood at one time. You don't think he didn't have access to government employees wanting to party with celebrities and be cool with the modern day idols? Yes, abused of power happens, and they...

Torture will make one obsesive. Reading up again on torture this morning I do not seem schizophrenic at all unless I am not believed and my torture is chalked up to delusion. I am sad to say that even this is not a completely safe space to work through trauma. Being told you seem schizophrenic...

Thank you. I do understand how it could look like schizophrenia. I also understand how it could look like bipolar or any other mental illness. Anything with psychosis in the diagnosis. While a lot of what I posted was and is true it may seem like I'm mentioning big things in society, but if you...

Furthermore, me needing others to validate my reality and allowing me to think it wasn't real and I was schizophrenic caused my DID. I won't go back to that hell. Also thinking I'm that week to completely crumble due to one small town and a few boys chasing me out of school also degraded me into...

Noted lesson for the day. I am not stupid. When not in ptsd cycle: statistics, and math along with all classes in school are supper easy and I do rather well. Ptsd makes things harder than they are, and I should not judge myself or take my identity as the person during flashbacks. My job is also...

That is a part of why so many victims in the past have been hurt so badly. No Catholic priest would molest a child...... Nice judgement and complete disregard for someone else's reality. DID is also thought of as schizophrenia to some. Maybe you might not want to read my post. Just a...

Ptsd hangovers suck so bad. I'm emotionally good and stable, but my body hurts so bad. I'm not tiered so much as I slept pretty hard and good last night; just physically hurt and tiered as my muscles are finally relaxed and able to be sore. And, now to document some healing when I write. I need...

Thank you so much for your kindness. I was in flight or fight while writing this, and could do neither. An old pattern of internalizing trauma caused me to want to take out the emotional pain and overwhelm of flashback on my body thus what verbalized itself was the desire to rip off my flesh and...

I see a doctor every few months. I'm on medication. I need to get into therapy. I also was in a very bad ptsd cycle until yesterday when I realized how deep the effects were to my identity as a human being. I'm relaxing on the Buddhism for a long whike, and just going to focus on mindfulness. I...

This isn't a therapist, so I guess I better stop. Ptsd is the cruelest of things to be given and purposely tortured into and through. I still feel constantly watched mocked and judged. I used to spend hours sobbing in my room because I just couldn't feel safe like someone wasn't watching me...

I wish someone would have stood up for me or with me for once in my life instaed of saying it's cool hurt her make her suffer and crawl on her knees. They really hate women in some circles. Buy, honestly just me, and it is personal. It's been my whole life.

Ptsd sucks. You end up fighting inside so hard pushing off and trying to get away from people you can't see and a force you can only feel. I turned it all off. They won't be able to get at me through basic sensation like sound or sight while my brain is beta theta waves which is a light...

I did t want to be famous actually I couldn't handle it, but I knew that I was afraid of people find I g out who I was because. A afraid they would bully me. But they could have yelled cut and talked to me and not made me feel so emotion alky tortured and confused. Honestly it was a publ. Gang...

The bad Catholic priest in the government information institutions are the worst. They hurt with impunity and keep recruiting men like them. Im.never going to be ok. At best I can try for not suffer g I guess. Emotional torture from people who are above you. I guess I'm one of the lower life...