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I posted the "one man is no man" quote, taken from the book I'm reading on healing toxic shame at the moment. Totally agree with what everyone has said here, and I posted the quote, and its rationale, because they resonated deeply with me too. The notion was in support of the traditional...

At the risk of being a bit redundant... me too!! The more I want to make a plan and put it into practice in terms of getting my life back on track, the more I seem to be hamstrung by the reasons why my life got so off track in the first place. Managing depression, anxiety and other related...

It really is an excellent book, I am gaining more respect for it the further I read. It is a very confronting and overwhelming read though, and I need to pace myself and take lots of breaks. I've continued to read and take notes today, which I'll post later when I've tidied them up a bit...

Ok, well... I havent' progressed any further with the book, and so the notes I have taken so far are thus far confined to part 1 of the book which explores the origins of healthy versus toxic shame and the way each manifests and impacts on life and its quality. I will post my notes below, a...

For the first time in my life and my therapy, I am committing to trying to confront and to deal once and for all with my toxic shame. Currently, it's going disasterously... but I'm trying, and am desperately determined. I am currently about a quarter of the way through an excellent book called...

This is a really interesting flipside to the whole issue of expectation and emotional need. While often those of us who have experienced considerable emotional abuse and neglect, expect and accept not enough from others, I think there is also the potential to fall to the other extreme of the...

The *only* good, or even faintly tolerable, thing about self-hate is that all of us here can relate to it, and understand it, and so we can support each other without judgment, and counter each other's self-hate with the gentlest, but most insistent, challenge. My own self-hate is rapidly...

Warm thoughts offered to you too Abstract, hope you're ok. Maddog

Abstract, your rsponses are never too much or overwhelming, in fact they takeaway some of the overwhelm, at least for a little while. It always impacts me in ways that are hard to describe, or even admit to, to hear others reflect back to me the significance of my childhood in terms of what and...

Oh Abstract, I am so emotional at the moment, your message made me cry and cry! Thank you so much. It is almost painful, the extent to which you get it, and I really feel that. I want this to be better so so badly... I was just talking with T yesterday about the fact that the basic life...

Ustabe, this made me cry. I hate the night, as much as I hate anything in this world. Each day I hope it will never come. Maddog

I think Bloomin's last post is an excellent and very poignant example of what face-to-face therapy *might* (and I really do stress that is only a tentative *might*) be the safest and perhaps even the only way to help you navigate a path through the dissociative anxiety barriers. When speech and...

I'm really hearing you Ms Spock, hearing the exhaustion and effort of merely existing. I know this place, and it hurts, deeply, and can feel very lonely and as though it will never ever end. As I keep telling myself every day, whenever I am able, it will end, because feelings and feeling...

One thing I do have to say about processing is that I believe that in many cases, it doesn't happen in one single process. What I mean is that we process what we can, based on where we're at at that particular time. Our brains are amazingly good at titrating the pace and intensity of...

Yes, can absolutely relate. Sadly, disturbed sleep is one of the most exhausting experiences, particularly when it becomes a chronic pattern, and for me I actually find very disrupted sleep to leave me far more wiped out the following day than having almost no sleep at all. Our brains are most...

Abstract, I think you are hitting on a really important realisation about the increased safety and control of face-to-face therapy... or any form of relationship for that matter. For those of us with a lot of fear and anxiety about relationships, it is quick and easy to default to the...

I missed seeing this thread sooner... I am actually a huge believer in schema therapy, and have something of a soft spot for it... so to speak... because it was the framework through which I first ever discussed my past and began to acknowledge and confront the reasons why I am the way that I...

I agree with Ms Spock, this thread is far more food for thought than I can digest at the moment, but it's good food... very good food!! Abstract, actually I think that talking about shame and hatred as absolutely relevant to the issue of trauma processing. As you've said in your absolutely...

I also totally relate to the push/pull of needing to connect and needing to isolate when you're struggling. It sounds impossible, but time and time again I experience the competing increasing tensions of a desperate need for human contact and an almost panicked fear of it, mixed with a shame...

I've just downloaded the IChill ap, but haven't played with it yet. I'm a bit of a technophobe... could someone give a brief explanation of the PTSD coach? Or any other useful or relevant aps that anyone might have come across? I'm curious... Maddog

Absolutely, if these aren't positive strides, then I don't know what are! This is a huge deal, good for you, and photography is a fantastic hobbie. It's creative, individual, gets you out and about and allows you to have as much or as little contact with others, in terms of sharing and...

One thing that occurs to me in relation to not being able to recall the content of sessions, is the possibility of recording them for later playback. I know that my therapist has indicated that he would be happy for me to do this if I wish. I don't wish, for a variety of reasons that I don't...

Interesting. I wholeheartedly confess that I am a terribly foul-mouthed person in a whole range of contexts, thanks largely to my having been raised in the country and gone on to work in law enforcement. I usually shy rejectingly away from such stereotypes, but quite frankly, on both counts...

Yes, the reflexive "I'm fine" response has brought me undone and caused me a lot of lonely distress too. For those of us who were never encouraged, and/or actively discouraged, from disclosing our feelings, it is almost impossible to respond immediately in any other way. When I can, which...

Franciemarnie, your description of your struggle with mere existence gave me chills, such is the depth of my ability to relate. I couldn't have said it half as well, and can't "like it enough. I think this point classically illustrates why in-person therapy is, simultaneously, almost...