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Most of what I wanted to say has already been said. If you write a letter, make sure that you're doing it for you & not just to hurt them.
I saw a couple people bring up forgiveness. When you forgive someone for abusing you or otherwise traumatizing you, you are not doing it to free their...
Your story is amazing. For your situation it's totally normal to be feeling like you're on a disconnect from your life. After something that horrifying happens to you, especially in your case which the injuries dragged on for months- you can't go back to living the same way you used to...
Aw, I didn't mean to break your heart :( Your concern means so much to me.
I have been getting professional help since this past summer, when I went inpatient at a psych hospital for the first time. I completely understand how you feel, it's really awful to let this stuff build up for years &...
That's good you've at least experimented with women. A lot of people won't even give it a chance.
I guess the most important thing is not to force yourself. Let it all come naturally & you'll feel much better about whatever happens.
Diagnosed with CPTSD due to many sexual abuses, molestations & a sexual assault.
I noticed my habit recently: I defend people who treat me wrong. I've been doing it since I was abused for the first time at age 6.
-I constantly told myself that it was okay what they had done to me, & when I...
Your story hit me really hard & I related to it a lot... Two of my childhood best friend's older siblings sexually abused me repeatedly as a child. She has never admitted to me that she was abused, but even to today (we're both 16) she has panic attacks, self-harm issues, depression & anger...
It sounds like neither of you are doing any good for each other. Even if you do love him, at this point it seems like you two as a couple is far too explosive for it to work... I agree with @Storm-ridden. Just because he has been hurt does not give him the right to hurt you. That's crossing a...
It's extremely common for trauma victims to dissociate, ESPECIALLY under the influence of drugs or alcohol. I have this problem with getting high. For a few minutes, I'm fine, but then I get extremely dissociated & end up more depressed & out of it than high. Easy solution: stop getting...
You keep saying you don't like "wusses". Your husband has probably picked up on that. Maybe the reason he doesn't want to talk to you about his fears & anxieties is because he doesn't want you to see him as a wuss.
I'm sorry for everything that's happened to you.
I'm not really the greatest at sympathy or advice.
Alprazolam & Diazepam are in the same class of medications- benzodiazepines. There are literally dozens of other classes of medications that can be used to treat symptoms of PTSD, such as...
I think you can read into dreams as little or as deeply as you think is appropriate. But I think this one definitely meant something.
My first thought was that your brain was trying to depict the way it is struggling to cope with a difficult memory related to your PTSD. Is there any...
@lukesa I take prazosin for PTSD nightmares too. I used to have similar symptoms- only much less intense. I would wake up scrambling & flailing whenever someone woke me up. I found that monitoring what I fell asleep thinking about helped me a lot.
Try vividly picturing yourself getting woken...
It seems like a big part of your problem is that you're expecting yourself to freak out, before anything even happens. You can be ready to handle anxiety without anticipating it. Different things work for different people, but do you have any PRN's for anxiety? If so, have you tried taking...
About a week & a half ago, I had a severe dissociative episode that lead to a panic attack. Feeling completely segregated from my body, I wandered out of my house & around the streets I live on in the middle of the night. I felt no emotion. Suddenly I saw a person in a black hoodie standing...
Are you diagnosed with PTSD?
The best advice I can give to you is not to try to create a memory where there might not be one. Sometimes our brains have random triggers that cause intense emotions for no good reason. It doesn't mean you were raped. Convincing yourself that you've repressed...
Usually PTSD is caused by situations in which your life is in danger, or you perceive your life is in danger. However if there was an incident prior to the bullying, the bullying can really aggravate the problem & affect you much more.
Honestly it's ridiculous for her to expect that much from you. No one should have to take care of their spouse as they would take care of a kid. Although I completely sympathize with your frustrations, screaming at her will get you nowhere. She's not a helpless baby. She's a grown adult and...
Although I don't know what's making you feel like you have to keep it to yourself, I can assure you that holding onto a secret that tightly will do nothing but eat away at you. I kept my abuse secret for almost a decade, because I felt disgusting for having to bear those memories. Opening up...
I had EMDR therapy done this past summer, focused around traumas starting in my childhood to a few years ago.
It did help clarify & retrieve memories for me. I don't mean to go on a tangent about myself, but I was sexually abused by my neighbors as a child. Although I remembered the events...
@Justmehere thank you so much for your comment. Unfortunately there are very few psychiatric hospitals that service adolescents under 18, otherwise I would definitely look into the specialized ones you were speaking of.
My appointment with my psychiatrist went okay. If I can keep myself...
I've been inpatient at a psychiatric hospital 3 times. Usually my psychiatrist is the one who puts me in there, & I'm seeing her today. Recently I've been struggling with cutting, & severe panic attacks with psychotic features, as well as some new repressed memories. I can't go inpatient...
When memories won't leave you alone, it's because there is unresolved tension left surrounding them- which seems to fit your situation perfectly.
There is no step-by-step instruction manual for how to deal with old pain. A lot of it you will have to figure out for yourself because different...
I've had a lot of similar experiences with repressed memories of recurring childhood sex abuse. The best way I've found to try to access the memories is not to try. Your brain will let them trickle back into your life when you're mentally stable enough to handle it. My best advice is to get...