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Search results

  1. Wendell_R

    DID Just life with DID

    Our first steps towards getting the parts out were giving them each a page or two in my journal, letting them each talk to my therapist as themselves, trying to have conversations between the apparently normal part and one other part while walking alone in a field, letting them do drawings...
  2. Wendell_R

    My spine surgery journey: from preparation to recovery

    I still remember when you said you could wiggle your toes!
  3. Wendell_R

    The "I Need A Hug" Thread

    The Hug Room is always open.
  4. Wendell_R

    The "I Need A Hug" Thread

    @OliveJewel , a warm blanket, someone to sit with, and a big hug.
  5. Wendell_R

    Desperately need help/encouragement "buying into" EMDR

    For years (over a decade), whenever I tried to make a safe space, the terrors would come right through the walls. So I know exactly how you feel! Maybe it's hopeful for you to know that now I do have treasured safe spaces, and that it's possible to get there even with the experiences you have...
  6. Wendell_R

    Desperately need help/encouragement "buying into" EMDR

    Hi, @goosegoose . I'm sorry that you've had a rough time. There's a lot going on here, a lot more than "Will EMDR work for me?" I think your fear of losing your therapist is very real and valid. Have you tried writing down your thoughts, and then bringing those writings into session? That...
  7. Wendell_R

    Relationship My girlfriend wants space because of physical intimacy anxiety

    Thanks for sharing. Many years ago, I was dating a woman that I deeply loved. We had a lot of fun together, but she too started to pull back. She had some deep trauma in her past, although she hadn't been to counseling about it. On my end, my parents had emotionally neglected me when I was...
  8. Wendell_R

    DID Just life with DID

    We didn't know about this and will read up about it! We have another tab open already on our browser. Thanks.
  9. Wendell_R

    What do you like to do for positive alone time?

    Sit in a comfy chair with a cup of herbal tea and read a book. Walk through the woods. Work on my model railroad. Take our dog for a walk.
  10. Wendell_R

    Sufferer Hi! Here to connect with others!

    Welcome, Ziza. I'm sorry you've grown up with fear and anxiety. I grew up in a family with a lot of fear, too, and am a recovering addict. I hope you feel less alone as you meet people here.
  11. Wendell_R

    Masturbation, sexual trauma and intrusions

    @OliveJewel , our paths sound very similar! I had forgotten about this aspect! Yes, I do the same thing. A therapist explained to me that when we do any kind of reenactment, we're exercising that part of our brain--kind of reinforcing old memories. If that stuff comes up in our mind, it's...
  12. Wendell_R

    DID Dissociative Identity Disorder

    We have a dissociative disorder--very little fuzziness, very little amnesia, a boatload of very distinct parts with strong individual personalities. For years and years, the dissociation felt like screaming inside and not knowing who was screaming. Because at least one part is a hyperobservant...
  13. Wendell_R

    Treatment of traumatic memories in c-ptsd

    I should clarify! The image of being loved and held and adored is not what really happened in my life--it's a mental imagination of love and care that heals the wounds of what really happened. The mother in that imaginary place is in many ways more real to me than my biological mom, though.
  14. Wendell_R

    Treatment of traumatic memories in c-ptsd

    I have CPTSD, and although I experienced traumas that I remember, the biggest traumas happened when I was under two years old. I know that I was hit and I know I was emotionally neglected from things my parents told me, for example. I have done a lot of EMDR on these traumas, so my answers...
  15. Wendell_R

    Sufferer Trusting sexual abuse memories and uncovering more

    I'm sorry you've had this pain in your life. I agree with what @arfie said. Another way to look at it is knowing that what you are feeling and experiencing inside right now has its own truth. How our brains hold onto the past becomes its own reality. The healing process requires us to access...
  16. Wendell_R

    Masturbation, sexual trauma and intrusions

    I worked hard with my therapist on this point, so I better understood what I deserved and what is normal. It helped a lot talking about it because my sense of what was appropriate or normal wasn't very reliable. Having my therapist's validation helped me relax about the fantasies. It's also...
  17. Wendell_R

    Transitional Objects

    I'm sorry your experience of abandonment has gotten worse, @Punky143 , and that it feels so hard-wired. My little ones have felt deep hurt, loss, and abandonment, and we know what that is like.
  18. Wendell_R

    Masturbation, sexual trauma and intrusions

    Protective force fields never worked for me either. In fact, it felt like the protective field or armor just confined the terrors closer to me. One of those "Let's not try that again" moments. I have had some success (still working on it) of building up safe fantasies. The most vulnerable...
  19. Wendell_R

    Sufferer Childhood trauma - looking to connect

    Welcome, Cherie. I have found the forum to be a very good place to learn that I am not alone, and that others experience PTSD in ways that are very similar to how I experience it. That does help. Good luck on your healing journey.
  20. Wendell_R

    Transitional Objects

    I once had a handwritten note for a therapist that went on maternity leave for six months. What was more helpful, though, was my own artwork that I did to remind myself of my therapist. One thing that is nice about using my own artwork is that I am not dependent on my therapist. I'm taking...
  21. Wendell_R

    Write a happy story in 3 words

    Kissed; didn't flee.
  22. Wendell_R

    Integration is wearing me down

    Your experience has been very similar to mine this past year. We still think of ourselves as "we", but the parts in my head are kind of clumping together: little ones, teens, 30s, older folks. It has been a really hard year, just as you describe it. We feel pretty raw, and the screaming...
  23. Wendell_R

    Sufferer Hi, I'm new, overthinking this title, and working through EMDR

    From what I know, the EMDR treatment for isolated trauma is shorter and more straightforward than EMDR for chronic or childhood trauma. So I think that you can be hopeful about your son's treatment, and EMDR sounds like a good way to go. Good luck to him!
  24. Wendell_R

    Look Back on your 2021 Therapy Achievements

    Thanks for this thread! It was a tough but productive year. -New parts came up, and one of them worked very, very hard to be comfortable around others, and the other has become one of my guiding lights -Came out as bigender to family, friends, and a few coworkers, and am figuring out what...
  25. Wendell_R

    Childhood Equating sex/romance with violence (SA survivors)

    Touch, for me, is something that I both crave and that terrifies me. Pictures of a mom and child used to terrify me, because I couldn't see that touch without a part of me imagining the child/me getting in trouble and being hit. So, not exactly the same experience as you, but the same type of...
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