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Our first steps towards getting the parts out were giving them each a page or two in my journal, letting them each talk to my therapist as themselves, trying to have conversations between the apparently normal part and one other part while walking alone in a field, letting them do drawings...
For years (over a decade), whenever I tried to make a safe space, the terrors would come right through the walls. So I know exactly how you feel! Maybe it's hopeful for you to know that now I do have treasured safe spaces, and that it's possible to get there even with the experiences you have...
Hi, @goosegoose . I'm sorry that you've had a rough time. There's a lot going on here, a lot more than "Will EMDR work for me?"
I think your fear of losing your therapist is very real and valid. Have you tried writing down your thoughts, and then bringing those writings into session? That...
Thanks for sharing. Many years ago, I was dating a woman that I deeply loved. We had a lot of fun together, but she too started to pull back. She had some deep trauma in her past, although she hadn't been to counseling about it. On my end, my parents had emotionally neglected me when I was...
Welcome, Ziza. I'm sorry you've grown up with fear and anxiety. I grew up in a family with a lot of fear, too, and am a recovering addict. I hope you feel less alone as you meet people here.
@OliveJewel , our paths sound very similar!
I had forgotten about this aspect! Yes, I do the same thing. A therapist explained to me that when we do any kind of reenactment, we're exercising that part of our brain--kind of reinforcing old memories. If that stuff comes up in our mind, it's...
We have a dissociative disorder--very little fuzziness, very little amnesia, a boatload of very distinct parts with strong individual personalities.
For years and years, the dissociation felt like screaming inside and not knowing who was screaming. Because at least one part is a hyperobservant...
I should clarify! The image of being loved and held and adored is not what really happened in my life--it's a mental imagination of love and care that heals the wounds of what really happened. The mother in that imaginary place is in many ways more real to me than my biological mom, though.
I have CPTSD, and although I experienced traumas that I remember, the biggest traumas happened when I was under two years old. I know that I was hit and I know I was emotionally neglected from things my parents told me, for example.
I have done a lot of EMDR on these traumas, so my answers...
I'm sorry you've had this pain in your life. I agree with what @arfie said. Another way to look at it is knowing that what you are feeling and experiencing inside right now has its own truth. How our brains hold onto the past becomes its own reality. The healing process requires us to access...
I worked hard with my therapist on this point, so I better understood what I deserved and what is normal. It helped a lot talking about it because my sense of what was appropriate or normal wasn't very reliable. Having my therapist's validation helped me relax about the fantasies.
It's also...
I'm sorry your experience of abandonment has gotten worse, @Punky143 , and that it feels so hard-wired. My little ones have felt deep hurt, loss, and abandonment, and we know what that is like.
Protective force fields never worked for me either. In fact, it felt like the protective field or armor just confined the terrors closer to me. One of those "Let's not try that again" moments.
I have had some success (still working on it) of building up safe fantasies. The most vulnerable...
Welcome, Cherie. I have found the forum to be a very good place to learn that I am not alone, and that others experience PTSD in ways that are very similar to how I experience it. That does help.
Good luck on your healing journey.
I once had a handwritten note for a therapist that went on maternity leave for six months. What was more helpful, though, was my own artwork that I did to remind myself of my therapist. One thing that is nice about using my own artwork is that I am not dependent on my therapist. I'm taking...
Your experience has been very similar to mine this past year. We still think of ourselves as "we", but the parts in my head are kind of clumping together: little ones, teens, 30s, older folks. It has been a really hard year, just as you describe it. We feel pretty raw, and the screaming...
From what I know, the EMDR treatment for isolated trauma is shorter and more straightforward than EMDR for chronic or childhood trauma. So I think that you can be hopeful about your son's treatment, and EMDR sounds like a good way to go. Good luck to him!
Thanks for this thread!
It was a tough but productive year.
-New parts came up, and one of them worked very, very hard to be comfortable around others, and the other has become one of my guiding lights
-Came out as bigender to family, friends, and a few coworkers, and am figuring out what...
Touch, for me, is something that I both crave and that terrifies me. Pictures of a mom and child used to terrify me, because I couldn't see that touch without a part of me imagining the child/me getting in trouble and being hit. So, not exactly the same experience as you, but the same type of...