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  1. V

    Rising, Healing

    Snowboarding Paczkis Biting an ear Truck bed Red workout pants Simple things. Not simple anymore for years. I feel like I was set up for a bad experience with men, long before anything ever happened. I hope if I ever have a child, I can raise them to feel better about themselves.
  2. V

    What Is It About Us?

    @Sally sue I hear you. I'm at a point where I'm just learning to allow myself to depend on people. It scares the crap out of me. From leaning on my boyfriend, a few ((feeew))) good friends, my therapist, and my sister, I'm learning & trying to let myself build those connections I don't think I...
  3. V

    What Is It About Us?

    So.... On the original post... I felt the same way for years. I wondered if I was exaggerating things in my mind, especially since my family would never accept any struggle I have since I'm also the strong, happy, smart one. Questioning the validity of what happened to me led to coping in...
  4. V

    Rising, Healing

    I'm having dreams again.. Which is hard. I usually don't remember them. All my life, when I do recall a dream (even just for those fleeting moments upon waking), it's rarely a pleasant one. :-( I guess I'm digging around in my brain in therapy, of course it's going to talk back in my dreams.
  5. V

    Sufferer Seeking Support And Guidance, I Suppose.

    I'm working I. Being open with my boyfriend, and while I feel like I have to state the obvious when something bothers me or repeat things, I can tell that he's trying his best to be helpful & understanding. Often when I think I've upset him with my problems, or that he's reacting to what I've...
  6. V

    Abusive Parents

    Sorry! Yes, as @Loner said, NPR is national public radio in the United States. And IEP is an individual education plan, used for students with learning disabilities, special needs, etc. Once students are tested, the school can offer assistance on a scales basis, like allowing students to record...
  7. V

    Abusive Parents

    I often feel pretty snarky about it. I love them as my parents, but man...
  8. V

    Abusive Parents

    Both of my parents are the adult children of alcoholics...and with that, neither had a pretty childhood. As I listen to an NPR piece that touches on abuse, family, etc the abusive father of an NPR employee wholeheartedly denies any abuse of his children. He immediately went to how he paid for...
  9. V

    Rising, Healing

    I am so frustrated with scheduling & student ignorance... I'm so angry.
  10. V

    Rising, Healing

    Another day, another phone call from my mother. She's struggling with the fact that since I've worked on healing, I don't pretend to be/play the role of the daughter she expected. In her eyes I was always supposed to be childish, immature, etc. so for years (because it was easier than the fights...
  11. V

    Who Am I? I Feel Like A Million Pieces Glued Together.

    I understand completely. I'm going through a slow release after a long period of keeping things bottled up. I'm sorry to hear you had to cut off contact with siblings, even with a tough history with them (I have one as well), that's the hardest group to walk away from (for me at least). Are...
  12. V

    I'd Forgotten

    I often wish they'd gone at least a little stale. I guess the good thing this time around is I'm in a much better place. I have a fantastic, loving boyfriend, one or two close friends who've been great support, and I'm learning to limit my schedule so I have the energy. & health I need to...
  13. V

    Poll Empathy/compassion - How Much Do You Have & Why?

    At least I think I have less than I show. Though I'm quite unsure.
  14. V

    What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

    Today I feel numb, which is an improvement from "panicked & losing it" yesterday. Hopefully tomorrow will move into optimism & joy.
  15. V

    Rising, Healing

    Ha! I'm sorry to hear that. I know she helped make strong, but some days I wish she could just be a little kind & supportive.
  16. V

    Poll Exercise And Ptsd

    Whoops! Missed answering that exercise seems to help quite a bit. On difficult weeks where my symptoms are bad... It's harder to work out with the fatigue, physical pain, and mental space I'm in. I try to keep up with Muay Thai. Kicking the shit out of something is certainly helpful :-)
  17. V

    Poll Ptsd- Still Widely Misunderstood By People

    I recently admitted to 2 friends (separately) that I have PTSD. One has been fantastic, and mostly just wants to know I'm okay. He can generally adjust interactions on days when my symptoms are flaring up worse. The other friend took the approach of telling me to FEEL BETTER! Be Happy! Tell...
  18. V

    Rising, Healing

    I was actually considering writing a letter to my parents to tell them that I was sexually assaulted 10 years ago & never told them... (For various, well-founded reasons). Then I spoke to my mother on the phone. What I got from a conversation with mom today: when I don't do exactly what she...
  19. V

    How Do I Communicate?

    I'm struggling with the same issue right now. For the last nearly 10 years, I coped by "being strong," which meant keeping most everything to myself. I would tell boyfriend de I had been assaulted at some point, just in case I had to stop in the middle of sex or had days where sex wasn't on the...
  20. V

    Rising, Healing

    Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. I can make it through today and into the loving arms of my boyfriend. I can do it. One more lesson to teach, a rehearsal, then home. Full day of panic, pain, freaking out. Because of a stupid door. A f*cking door.
  21. V

    I'd Forgotten

    I'd forgotten how consuming it can be when everything surfaces. I woke up with my bedroom door open this morning, I knew I shut it when I went to sleep. I freaked. It's been years since I let myself go through these emotions. I'd bottled them up so well. Now, as I uncork the bottle bit by bit...
  22. V

    Rising, Healing

    I woke up to find my bedroom door open. I have to close all the doors/windows in a room before I can sleep. It is just my dog and myself home... The front door is stilldeadbolted, patio doors are locked. But I'm freaked out.
  23. V

    My T Wants Me To Ask My Mother For Info...scared

    So brave! I'm contemplating finally telling my parents 10 years later what happened to me. Best wishes! Sadly, I have no advice. Though your therapist may have other suggestions to ease discomfort?
  24. V

    I Can Do This... I Think.

    I hear you. Mostly, you sound at the least hopeful and at the most very happy :-) neither sounds terrible.
  25. V

    Rape In Media

    @Meadowsweet I'd never thought of it as a manifestation/projection in a positive or working light. Touché.
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