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No, I wasn’t under medical supervision. I was under supervision though. That’s a good point. I appreciate the feedback. I’ll make sure to talk to a professional.

I have been trying to remember my childhood for a while now. I had suspected some kind of CSA had happened but I couldn't pinpoint who or where and only had fuzzy details like body memories, out of place events, and missing memory. I took psychedelics and was put in a state to remember. Some...

Cops can be f*cked. My report was similarly dismissed, and the detective painted me to be a slut that wanted violent sex and then cried rape. He also claimed that the boy in the case had never met me (even though earlier in the report it said I showed him texts we had exchanged). Turns out the...

I was reading your post and got to the point about listening to songs about sexual violence over and over and flashed back to listening to "Rape Me" by Nirvana on repeat when I got the police report back from my rape. Your post is super relateable. It's comforting knowing I'm not alone in these...

Hello all, it's been awhile since I've posted because I've been doing better. But I've been experiencing some pretty heavy symptoms the last few days. Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex I dissociated really badly because of being triggered and couldn't say no. I couldn't really...

A tasty smoothie! ramen cream cheese spinach anchovies

I wasn't sure if this belongs here, but I thought it most topically fit here. Has anyone noticed that they experienced psychotic symptoms after a trauma? Or that certain flashback triggers trigger psychosis for you? I've noticed that mirrors seem to be a huge trigger for psychosis when I...

I get this! My previous rape happened in slow motion (probably aided by the drugs) but my adult rape happened in what felt like seconds. So fast, in fact, I have trouble recalling a lot of details because it felt like everything happened at once. I don't have any clue why that was though. What...

@Skywatcher See, that's what I was thinking. I feel like she's not being straight with me and going about this backward, but I'm not the professional... I don't know how many years she's been practicing (she's senior staff at my university's counseling program) but I know she's a social worker...

I've hit a rough spot in therapy where I feel like we're at a place where it's nonproductive. This is the first therapist I've had that I felt I clicked really well with and she is a really good support, but we're now at this place where I feel like I'm coming in every week just talking about my...

Contact your local rape/sexual assault crisis center (a quick internet search should work). They deal with abusive relationships as well. They can walk you through how to get to a place where you're safe. It's 100% anonymous unless you don't want it to be. Get out as fast as you can though...

Recently I was raped for the second time and because I knew what it was and because I talked to some close friends about what to do I came to the decision of reporting. On Monday I have a formal interview with a detective, but I feel like I'm getting all the details muddled up in my head...

I didn't really know where to put this so I figure it best fit here. My parents had a MESSY divorce. One where my father was abusive towards my mother (at least verbally and psychologically). I was thrown in the middle of it where I became a weapon and an informant and a pawn for both parents...

@lillesnille Thank you for your reply. I’m not in any immediate danger (that I know of, no threats of violence, etc). I’m currently doing some of the things you mentioned but your ideas are really really good. I hadn’t considered maybe adjusting my sleeping schedule for sleeping during the day...

I feel so paranoid every night. I just moved into a new place and my Landlord is renovating so I don’t have any roommates at the moment. I get so scared and on alert every night where I have to triple check all the locks to make sure someone isn’t in the house. I constantly feel like someone’s...

Last night I had a terrible night terror (which I just found a term for, thanks google). I have them off and on and I think my trigger might be dysfunction/instability in my relationships. The night terror involved a recurring nightmare with me trying to call 911 to avert danger to myself and...

Swat

This week has been rough. My mood and my mind has been all over the place. One minute I want to tackle the world, start a porn channel, fly to Chicago, and do drugs, and the next I'm anxious as hell, suicidal, scatterbrained, and exhausted. I've had two separate friends (thank god for mentally...

I know medications like Depakote and other mood stabilizers work on increasing GABA. Maybe something to look into from a pharmacological perspective?

@Justmehere Yeah, she wants me to do 3-4 minutes of qigong and 20 minutes of meditation. The ice idea is really good though! Thanks!

What a talented group! I'm seriously blown away by this poetry. I wrote this PTSD poem awhile back (on a family roadtrip, fun fun). It's not about cleaning, but it'll do ;) Curved Road I'm chained naked to a table My head forced forward to watch Men in white coats busy themselves around the...

Thank you. I saw my T this morning and she actually said the exact same thing. That level of pain wasn't really part of the plan. I gave him free access to what he wanted to do, and I think in that area he kind of got carried away. I just feel drained and icky. My T said I kind of "kicked...

I've for a very long time had rape fantasies. As much as I feel ashamed admitting that, I can't deny that fact. I was sexually assaulted two years ago, and the fantasies never stopped. Anyways, flash forward to now. Tonight I negotiated with a trusted partner that I wanted to roleplay a...

What do you do for a living?

What does that mean? I'm afraid I'm not very familiar with the concept. Is it just seeking out similar experiences to those you've experienced?