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This is going to sound crazy I know. But lately in my sessions, it is like I am watching myself talking to psychiatrist from across the room. I can see myself talking to her and hear her talking to me, yet I am observing from across the room. It is very hard to explain. Yet sometimes I...

I think the main problem is I don't feel like have any control over my emotions or dissociation. I just walk into T and am there, but not really there. Like something is blocking me. Then all of a sudden I get scared or overwhelmed with sadness because start getting these thoughts like am...

I went to session today, and was very difficult to stay present with doctor. It is like the closer I get to memories, the more I dissociate. Also there is a part of me that wants to cancel all sessions and then there is another part that knows that I need to process this. Doctor says it is...

I was triggered before got to session, but tried to keep things under control. Then finally told T what was bothering me, and then that caused flashbacks and couldn't get grounded. K, my ex had his sister contact me because he Iwants to make amends. My ex abused me in every way you can think of...

Thank you all for responding. I did call them both back and told them to ignore previous message. They haven't called back yet, so not sure what is going to happen next.

Thank you, having hard time calling them back and telling them I changed my mind. not even sure why I got so scared and cancelled appts. all remember thinking is cant do therapy anymore. now what do I tell them, ummmm changed my mind, sorry forget about last message. makes me sound so unstable

I paniced and got scared after tough session, cancelled both pscyhologist appt and psychiatrist appts. told them i quit therapy. Now not so sure, but am afraid to call and let them know I changed my mind. I cancelled because I lost 2 hours after session, not even sure how i drove home. I...

Days like today, don't even know where to start. Days like today, just feel like giving up on therapy. Days like today feel hopeless. Do I start backwards in life with abusive ex boyfriend and how he really screwed me up. Or do I start from beginning, with parents and relatives who criticized...

Total Exhaustion After Session I am feeling so tired after session, this happens when it is difficult session and I end up crying. I forced myself to tell her about some details of nightmares/flashback. I then make it home somehow and have to sleep for a few hours. I am still sleepy, but...

Yes, the trust thing again. I think I trust her, yet I still freeze when I walk in the door. I am sure my T would be shocked if one day I told her how I was really feeling instead of saying "I am ok". :) I have tried writing things out, and still find it hard to even give notes to her...

I have been with this psychiatrist for 2 years. I have told her about my fears that she will end therapy and she said that she is patient and will work at my pace. I guess part of me doesn't believe that. It is so much easier to write things out than say them out loud. Why is that? Trust is...

When I get to T, I can't tell her how I am feeling, I just freeze. She asks me how she can be useful, that makes me freeze more. She asks me to go to safe place, I can't seem to calm down long enough. I want to tell her about my nightmares and flashbacks, yet when I get there I tell her...

Thank you Erin for your post, it does help that I am not alone in feeling this way. It is very frustrating not knowing the whole picture and getting bits and pieces and wondering is that true or am I just going crazy. I suppose it is all part of PTSD as well....denial and pretending that...

My T says this shows signs of getting better because I am remembering more details of trauma with ex-boyfriend. Except I am also remembering stuff from chldhood which I am not quite sure if it is real or not. My T tells me doesn't matter if it is real, it only matters the feelings around...

I was just going to ask the same questions as Bec....but reading these posts answered my questions...one other thing to deal with having PTSD...:( My teeth are terrible and doesn't help having a dentist phobia, hate having anything in my mouth...but have to do something am only 38 and back...

The reason I cancelled in the first place was because T said she cares about me and cares about what happens and she will be with me in my journey of recovery. So what do I do? Cancel the next appt!!!! how screwed up is that? Not quite sure how it happened, next thing I know last night am all...

Computers are frustrating. But glad you found out what the issue was. Like others here I thought I was imagining things when posts were gone...LOL....so glad I saw this post. Anthony, thank you for all the work you do on this website. It has helped me alot.

My psychiatrist cancelled appointment today at the last minute. She has problems with daycare for her kids, so I totally understand why she had to do it. It doesn't happen often. Yet why am I sitting here crying over a cancelled appointment? Last week I actually tried to cancel this appt...

Treading Water Hi Gramma Herc, that is exactly what I told my T last week. It feels like am treading water, only right now feels more like am drowning and come up for air sometimes, but feels like am drowning for sure. Not sure how to get out of this mess.

Someone was born then also: a survivor. Thank you Greenbriar for writing that, I didn't think of it that way, but that is a good way of thinking about it. There is a part that wanted to survive, only at the moment the depressed part wants to take over and it seems like an internal battle...

Days like today I wonder if maybe I shouldn't have survived at all. Yes the physical wounds have hearling, but after all these years emotional wounds are still there. It is like I am a Dead Woman walking. Part of me died back there and am not sure I can get it back. Days like today...

I remember waiting in waiting room, lots of doors closing and banging which is trigger for me. I walked into her office, started crying and that's it. Next thing I know am in car trying to stop shaking. It is all a blank. Did I even pay her? Did I even make another appt? I don't know...

I Can Relate Hi Pixie, just wanted to say as I read the original post, I could have written it myself. Had to check the name to make sure I didn't write it. :) It helps to know that I am not the only one that does this. I don't have DID, but I do dissociate alot in therapy. Last week...

It is my bday today, makes me sad, am 38 years old and feel like havent accomplished much. Have been in therapy trying to deal with trauma that happened 10 years ago, feel like have wasted so many years of my life. especially since i so much wanted to have kids of my own and now that doesnt seem...

I was sent to therapist by insurance company, her office was in her home..ok I could handle that. except that she had like 3 cats and am allergic to cats, I told her that and she just said sorry cant help you then...so just turned around and walked out.