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Thank you guys, the variety impresses me. I think I will keep my eye out for something with meaning, I believe that will help me more than anything.

As the title says I had a flashback at work today. I had one at lunchtime when I was at home then got up and dragged myself back down to work, I thought it had passed. I ended up speaking to my friend in the staff room but something triggered another flashback. It was only myself and my friend...

A flashback at the end of lunch forced me to return to work late. Unfortunately I had another once I got down there. I had it in the staff room, I am so embarrassed and ashamed. The only person present was my friend, she helped me through but I know it upset her. I hate that. I hate the affect...

I have laughed most of the morning, laughed so hard I couldn't breathe! There have been moments of fear, I am still very jumpy and there have been several brief flickerings of images and feelings that have made me take a step back. I had the beginnings of a flashback just before lunchtime but I...

8 hours uninterrupted sleep makes such a huge difference to how I feel when I wake up. It seems my new tablets are working and helping. I ache a bit from yesterday's flashback and my anxiety is a bit above average but I am determined to be positive and make this a good day. My friend is back...

I wasn't going to share this tonight, I wasn't even going to write about it but in the last hour I have had a compulsion to do so. I don't know why. (Sorry it's a big post) The after affects. I am in the infirmary, for a minute I am confused, why am I here? I turn my head and see my supervisor...

To give myself something to do I have made a list of things I know help when I am having a flashback. Just thinking about them has helped to stabilise me a bit today. I am working on grounding techniques I can do on my own but I have included ways others can help me as I have found that other...

Thank you @digger I went to have a shower, I find showers relaxing normally but this one triggered a flashback to the days after I was attacked. I have been stuck in a loop until my friend text me and my phone brought me back to myself. I'm exhausted but my breathing is more under control. I...

I can't get control of my breathing. It is shallow and ragged but if I try to take deeper breaths I start to hyperventilate. I have to get this under control otherwise I will have a flashback. I can't handle that right now. I am so afraid of being back there. Must stop, I'm making it worse.

I pushed to far yesterday. I should have given myself a break, not kept going. I have had a night of nightmares. My anxiety is through the roof, I had hoped to take the dogs for a nice walk but I don't think I can face going out. I need to learn my limits and boundaries.

@Solara I agree with not being reliant on something. At the moment I name shapes, colours and textures but I do like the feel of things in my hands. I find touching things really helps. @Hashi Thank you for that, it sounds like you have lots of options to aid you. @Ryn I like the thought of...

He hesitates a moment but number 3 mutters an instruction. His face changes as he grabs me and turns me over, number 3 releases his grip on my wrists as 2 takes control of my arms. He cannot bring himself to look in to the face of the woman whose life he is ruining as he does his deed. He...

When I was at my assessment the doctor had me hold a stress ball and a bottle of lemon scent. I kept having flashbacks and he talked me through using the stress ball or the scent. We came to the decision that I was better with the ball than the scent from a grounding point of view. I think I...

The afternoon improved. I spent most of it dog walking. During one walk I found myself thinking about the flashback on Thursday and the main memory it covered. It related mostly to number 2, or that's how I tend to think of him. The second man to force himself inside me. He was nervous at...

I pain has lessened and I feel more with it. I do keep zoning out and would really like to just go to sleep but I still have 3 1/2 hours if work left. My anxiety is up but I have gone back to being too tired to care what happens to me. Today is not a good day.

My positive mood stayed until I pulled my keys from my pocket and slipped in to a brief flashback. Keys are a big trigger for me, it is one of the few I am sure of. It doesn't take much to work out why either. The image was brief but the body memories persist. I am trying to keep a smile on...

I am in a jumble this morning. It was a long night after my old dog had a fit at 2am. He's bright and happy this morning and seems ok in himself, it was only a small one. My jumpiness is returning, I can already feel myself tensing up. Every noise distracts me from my thoughts even if it is...

My old boy just gets slightly less than perhaps a similar sized dog would get if it was five years younger. If he is hungry I bulk it out with fruit and veg. He is a good weight but I am confident I am giving him everything I can to continue him living happily. It is different to every dog of...

I have been open tonight. More open than ever. The emptiness I feel has been replaced by worry, worry I have given too much, worry I have shared too much of a burden meant for me, worry that their view will change. Deep down I know it won't but it doesn't stop the worry. I do feel lucky...

I didn't succeed in my aim today but I did other things instead. My muscle aches from Thursday were too much to let me complete my aim today really. It hasn't been a bad day though, just tiring.

Dog years all depends on the breed and how the dog has lived. I have a 15 year old terrier cross who can out walk some 7 years olds! He did an hour and a half's walk last night with my youngsters and is still fine today. I tend to think of 10 year old terriers as middle aged whereas a Labrador...

Congratulations @mytai What a gorgeous little girl. I hope she brings you much happiness. I am like you and find animals much more relatable than people. Mine know all my secrets and have helped me through some amazingly tough times. I live for my dogs more than anything.

I say I'm fine. If they know me and want to know how I really am they will ask. I try not assume that those who know what is happening with me always want to know the truth, I figure some days they have their own stuff going on so even if they ask me I always initially answer with "I'm fine," if...

I still ache today from the flashback on Thursday. It would seem I use a lot of muscles during them. My head is more under control this morning though and I am determined to get back in to a routine with this diary. I am, as it always seems, at work today. I've got a couple of volunteers in...

I cannot repair my defences quick enough. It seems every time I fix one crack in the wall another appears and so on and so forth. I am running from place to place frantically trying to plug the holes to keep all the memories safely hidden away but they are getting too much, the dam is about to...