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I did end up going to the group and was the only person who showed up, lol. I ended up getting a free mini-session with my T. He could have very easily told me that he didn't think it was a good idea. During that conversation, he expressed that he wishes he could see me more often as I am...

I woke up congested this morning and with a bit of a headache. I did a lot of sleeping. I also did a lot of crying. I cry a lot generally but it's nearly always out of frustration or anger. It's rare for me to feel sad enough to cry. Last night I was deeply sad. It felt like I was in...

I feel dizzy. I feel detached from my body somehow. My stomach is not happy either- nauseous and hurting. My chest hurts. After this entry, I'm going to go lay down. But I wanted to write things down while they're fresh in my mind. Today was session number two for EMDR. Today was brutal...

I feel genuinely calm and happy today. I've been this way most of the time for the past week. It's been nice. Yesterday's conversation with my T was such a gift to me. It's the conversation I've needed to have for awhile. I didn't ask my questions directly, for the most part, but I go the...

So I went to my T's new group and I was the only person who showed up. So we ended up talking about a bunch of things. We discussed EMDR and that it is not going to be a long term therapy for me as the HMO's therapy structure just won't allow it to be long term. I asked him when I should go...

I think I've made my decision. Been circling around and around all day on whether or not to take on a third therapy group. I talked to my friend Y about it. I've actually talked to a lot of people about it but Y was the most helpful. Her response was that, yes, three groups and possibly...

Hi all. I just started EMDR (I've had one session so far). Here's my therapy breakdown: Mondays- IOP graduation group, we discuss a variety of different topics, sometimes process group. Tuesdays- Coping skills group, a small amount of room for processing Every other Friday- EMDR Mondays are...

Tonight's group with my T was good. We discussed how anxiety is not only not productive but also detrimental to fixing problems. It was a good discussion overall. I am left with a quandary though. My T is starting a new group up. The new group's focus is CBT. Since being introduced to CBT...

I felt a little guilty taking today off from work. We were given a free day off to recover from the vaccination. So far, so good. I've had some pain from the injection site and I may have been a little sleepier than usual (hard to say that was the vaccine though) but otherwise, I've been...

I would like to echo what @Friday said. I didn't know anything about fit- I thought the therapist didn't matter and that they were all the same. Then I met my current T. He's amazing. I didn't interview him but now if I needed to find a new T, I would certainly ask a lot of questions that I...

I got my first vaccine shot today. My arm is a bit sore but I feel fine otherwise so far. I was afraid to get the shot, not because of the shot itself, because it represents a very real step towards rejoining the world and going back to interacting with others. But in the end, I know that...

@ladee , I sometimes feel like it hasn't been long enough for me to feel the way that I do. I've spent so many years in a dark place that having these positive thoughts and mindset still feel a bit alien to me. I hope it lasts and isn't some temporary phase. @ruborcoraxxx , I am a teacher so...

I've been thinking lately about how incredibly lucky I got with my current T. When I came back to therapy last January, I was diagnosed as having depression and anxiety. As time progressed, I discovered I had massive amounts of trauma. It takes a special type of therapist and a special type...

I've been super busy with school- end of the quarter grading nonsense and IEP writing. Some of these children are incredibly entitled. Overall, my mind's been quiet. I was able to really crank out serious hours of work yesterday. Today I was distracted by thinking about the end of therapy...

Had my T's group tonight. We discussed being vulnerable. I sensed early on in the discussion that I am far more dysfunctional than most in this area. It was a good discussion though overall. I mentioned that I am dreading having to re-enter society. No one else felt that way but I could see...

Had X's group tonight. We mostly discussed anger and where that emotion comes from. X says that it's mostly based around fear, especially fear of isolation. This hit hard. I've been really angry lately. Anger has been interesting for me- don't think I've felt it much in my life. I think I...

@ladee , I know you can do both talk therapy and EMDR at once. The problem is that my talk therapist became my EMDR therapist so it changed things over. My insurance won't cover a second therapist. At least I still have group for talking I suppose. I'm lucky that my insurance has covered so...

There was a time not too long ago that I really wished my therapy sessions were in person. Now as the time to return to normalcy gets closer, I dread the idea of being anywhere around people. I remember before the big shut down for Covid, my T had been trying to get me to join groups and...

Ugh, it's been a day. I was watching my beloved Buffalo Bills lose badly when, at halftime, I got an email about an emergency staff meeting tomorrow morning. I texted L to see if she knew what was going on. She said that one of our students was shot and killed over the weekend. She sent me a...

I woke up this morning with an incredibly strong urge to watch "Drop Dead Fred". It's definitely one of my guilty pleasure movies. I've never really found the movie funny but I've always loved it. Today, I knew why. I hadn't watched the movie in awhile and the last time I watched it was...

I've been feeling a lot better today. My stomach is calmer and more stable. I still have a headache that comes and goes. I took a nap for a few hours yesterday afternoon and still slept for at least 8 hours last night. Now I know, plan to sleep a lot after EMDR. At least for awhile. I...

I've been getting some interesting memories coming to me throughout last night and today. I was fascinated by them and then wondered if I was a freak. I've mostly felt disturbed by physical side effects from EMDR but not so much emotionally. I started to wonder if I was doing something wrong...

Woke up feeling sick today. I have a nasty headache and my stomach can't seem to decide if it's nauseated or starving. According to Google, these seem like common side effects of EMDR. I'm very glad that I took charge of my appointments and have them on Fridays from this point on. I'll make...

Well, I was wrong. I often am. We did actually start EMDR today. I wasn't expecting that. But I chose to go with it. At the moment I feel okay. I feel a bit like I'm floating. Very strange sensation. Targeting that core belief of "I'm unlovable", he asked me to think to the worst memory...

@ladee , I don't think we're doing actual EMDR yet today. Last time we started working on the grounding techniques and we identified that we want to work on changing my core belief of "I am unlovable". We haven't even started discussing the memories and events that contribute to that belief...