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- #217
Sadielady3
MyPTSD Pro
There was a time not too long ago that I really wished my therapy sessions were in person. Now as the time to return to normalcy gets closer, I dread the idea of being anywhere around people.
I remember before the big shut down for Covid, my T had been trying to get me to join groups and socialize more. I was working on gathering enough courage to actually do so and then everything was shut down. His argument was that I'd been going to group therapy and that was going okay so other groups should be okay too.
Except now I'm even nervous about going in for group. When the pandemic started, I missed my colleagues, the kids at school, and the limited social interactions I had. But today, as more and more students talked about going back to the building, I just felt dread. Maybe my social anxiety grew in the comfort of my nearly complete isolation. There is definitely a part of me that would remain locked in my house, given the option. And I realize remaining here in this comfortable cage is a half-life at best.
I'm not sure EMDR or any other type of therapy can ever really heal that part of me that would choose the safety of isolation over the joys of having real experiences. That part has existed for a long time and grew when nurtured. This might be something worth bringing up in group tonight. Maybe someone else has the same feeling? Most people don't. For most people, getting back to at least semi-normal will alleviate some of their symptoms. I wonder how much worse I'll get when forced back into the real world.
This would be a great topic to discuss with my T, I know. But EMDR essentially canceled therapy for me. It's no longer a place to discuss and work on minor issues. I suppose it's possible that as I heal through EMDR it'll help with this. I feel so conflicted today.
I remember before the big shut down for Covid, my T had been trying to get me to join groups and socialize more. I was working on gathering enough courage to actually do so and then everything was shut down. His argument was that I'd been going to group therapy and that was going okay so other groups should be okay too.
Except now I'm even nervous about going in for group. When the pandemic started, I missed my colleagues, the kids at school, and the limited social interactions I had. But today, as more and more students talked about going back to the building, I just felt dread. Maybe my social anxiety grew in the comfort of my nearly complete isolation. There is definitely a part of me that would remain locked in my house, given the option. And I realize remaining here in this comfortable cage is a half-life at best.
I'm not sure EMDR or any other type of therapy can ever really heal that part of me that would choose the safety of isolation over the joys of having real experiences. That part has existed for a long time and grew when nurtured. This might be something worth bringing up in group tonight. Maybe someone else has the same feeling? Most people don't. For most people, getting back to at least semi-normal will alleviate some of their symptoms. I wonder how much worse I'll get when forced back into the real world.
This would be a great topic to discuss with my T, I know. But EMDR essentially canceled therapy for me. It's no longer a place to discuss and work on minor issues. I suppose it's possible that as I heal through EMDR it'll help with this. I feel so conflicted today.