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This post doesn't matter anymore, I just got dumped through email

It's been a while since I last posted on here, I hope everyone's been well! Basically as the title says. And for context, this post is about my BPD. I have a pretty okay handle on my day to day, where I can at least recognize that I'm about to split and then take the necessary steps to try to...

Nothing to add except "ugh" lol I get what you mean

This feels like something I should be thinking about for myself but I'm not quite sure I understand it fully.

Just a short rant because I was asked to write my therapist a letter to answer the questions "What was I taught about happiness and how to make my own happiness?" And the letter has to be broken down by ages - infancy, toddler, child (pre-teen). So I'm answering the questions for each of those...

Thanks for your input! I've been a little more comfortable with the idea of EMDR lately, but yeah, it's still really scary to consider. I'm in my late 20s right now and exactly what you described is why I'm trying to start trying now vs avoiding it (for me avoiding, different for everyone I...

Yes!!! The stupid back and forth of "oh don't get me anything" but then it's a big deal because "nobody got them anything" etc. I'm starting to wonder the same thing, if they're more anniversary dates than just dreams and stuff. It's really weird. I had big birthday parties with my mom, but then...

I'm a lesbian and I definitely didn't wait lol, not sure how that's relevant but thank you for the kind words regardless. I hope you're getting through it safely, too It was a little warmer today and I thought about getting out there but I was just done, absolutely beyond my limits. I'll try...

Dream - Sitting in the backseat of my dad's car, with maybe my estranged sister there? I can't see who's all with us but it's 100% my dad driving. It's nighttime and he's in a bad mood, maybe with a headache. We're driving up the highway towards Lake Arrowhead, just barely past Wildwood park...

I keep having nightmares about my dad lately. It's his birthday coming up soon so maybe that's why? But he never celebrated his birthday and it's not for another month so I'm at a loss for why. The first dream I had, I was just screaming at him for being so f*cking annoying. Him, my stepmom, and...

Thank you for replying, my own reply pretty late. You were definitely right though, awareness of what was happening did help. I really tried to take everything as slowly as I could. Whiplash is an amazing way of describing what it feels like

No worries about your like, I totally got what it meant. Thank you for the little words of encouragement. I'm really in a thick mental fog right now like left is right and down is up. The dragging along feeling - like by your nails. I do have a therapist. I'm still really struggling to trust...

You ever just have a day where everything makes you feel so suicidal? Like what is the point to ANY of this? I haven't self harmed in almost 3 months and I'm really f*cking trying to keep it like that but I almost gave in - like truly gave in - just now. I'm really at my limit. Crisis chat...

That's so thoughtful of you to say, thank you so much. And to be fair to you too, this list is the first time I've ever actually sat down and really thought hard about it. My answers before this were definitely very similar to yours. I actually keep forgetting to update this thread, I did end...

Okay well here goes a wall of text! I want to add another 4th section of different approaches I'm interested in trying but I feel like those thoughts aren't developed well enough to put into text. Maybe I'll have more ideas after my next session. Thank you to anyone who actually reads this, I...

I actually end up feeling more pressure from it being all about and for me lol. Thank you for your reply, it's helpful hearing about others' experiences during the beginning (ish) stages. It's a really weird place to be. You're absolutely correct in that I'm not offended at all! Thank you for...

Hey! So I haven't had therapy in almost two weeks now because of being assigned some pretty hard questions to mull over. I have session next on the 1st of March. I've had my homework basically done the entire two weeks because I'm a good noodle, but I was wondering if I could post my responses...

Unlocking trauma memories, by that do you mean unlocking repressed memories?

We've just been trying to work on starting DBT right now, but if/when I do start jumping into EMDR I'll keep that in mind. Is it really that common or important to ask for extra sessions when things get bad with EMDR? Like, am I gonna need their phone number on speed dial?

Yikes, I had no idea that was a trauma response. Do you remember where you read or heard about it? I'm curious to read more. Also, definitely, it does make me feel less safe. I'm gonna try to broach the subject of wanting to somehow meet in the middle, maybe I could ask if I could share google...

I guess it makes more sense from that perspective, re: not keeping one foot out and one foot in. I definitely don't want to start it unless I'm sure I'm mentally ready because I don't want to half ass anything. But then, even when I'm busting my ass and doing my absolute best, I still feel like...

I've been trying to write things out lately because my mind has been so jumbled, but I have a trigger around reading things out loud for other people so I can never read verbatim what I've written. But writing things out still helps at least a little! There's a chat feature when we meet up that...

Thank you, that's a little reassuring!

Hey, thanks for responding. There's definitely a lot going on, all internally. The response I usually get from people IRL is "soo that was a lot" lol. I've tried writing things down to share in session but because we're telehealth only, I can't really share papers or things I've written out and...

Forgot to write in my post that I've been so stressed out about this the past week, I've been breaking out in hives all over my body and my eczema has been back too. I've been doing deep breathing, I even meditated a few times and took OTC anti-anxieties (2000 mg of passionflower, per dose...