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Happens so quick doesn't it?! Yes I've been there too. Makes me think how much I discount anything that's not in immediate absolute crisis (crisis I'm good at/used to) I think I have an unconscious death wish... Scott

I feel like I am terminally different, exposed unsafe and confused. Because I am. Scott

My inner critic tells me "Never get close to anyone". Close people will hurt because they always did. "You don't deserve to be safe" because I never was. Scott

OMG I wish Yeti had an illness. I'm afraid it's worse, much worse. It's her entire personality... Scott

There is nothing as secret as abuse. You *MUST NEVER* disclose anything to anyone. And someone outside the family is unthinkable. I think your father is feeling like he's losing control over you. (Control he should not have any more) Scott

"I'm sorry" doesn't mean anything if it doesn't change. Same thing, day in, day out. And they're so sorry they keep doing it (or get better at it like Yeti did) Scott

I sucked my thumb too, until Yeti kicked me in the face and I still have a scar on my thumb. Scott

I've always been afraid of letting people down. I always let Yeti down (by existing). Scott

If you have (c)PTSD then you would have been diagnosed as PTSD because (c)PTSD is not an 'official' diagnosis. Kind of like 'PTSD with additional features'. This article explains a LOT about me, and EVEN MORE about the relationships I've had... Scott

Mine was my wardrobe. I used to hide in there while Hell rained down everywhere else. Scott

Forgot to add: "No matter how bad things get, someone always has it worse" Scott

"It must be happening for a reason" shits me too. Just try blaming the victim and deny any responsibility, next time. "We all have to do things we don't want to". I didn't want to live with her either. "I'm a realist". The list of Yeti's self serving platitudes was endless. Scott

I had an appt. where we were supposed to start EMDR but she "didnt get around to it". There was me, all expectant, hoping we might actually *GET SOMEWHERE*. Thanks, so glad I came. I didn't go back. Scott

Yep. me too. I decided if the closest people to me nurt as much as Yeti, then I would never get close to anyone. And I seem to be 'stuck' not letting anyone in. Scott

I've always had a problem with sabotaging myself. In relationships things can be going along well and then I do something insane (and out of character) and it ends. If anything good happens, I can't seem to handle it. Do I have a subconscious death wish? Sometimes I think I do. Scott

Being spat at in front of the entire class. I wanted to crawl under a rock and die. Being screamed at by Yeti because people started asking questions. hunching over, breathless (panic attack) thinking "This is not happening". But it was. Scott

Yes she's empathetic but only when she has prey in her sights. Not hypervigilant. Only when it suits her. Scott

A 1-word for me? Shattered. Like a mirror, shards all strewn all over the place. That's what I feel like at the moment. Scott

has anyone had any success with St Johns Wort for depression? Scott

That's been my experience too. Sertraline and Citalopram are the SSRIs I would recommend based purely on my own experience. Fluoxetine is not very effective for me either.

Looks awfully like a Mastiff. Is it? They can pull heart strings you know. Scott

Anthony, good experiment *BUT*... what about the side effects of the Valium? Huge problems with memory and/or cognition.

Sure sounds like someone on the more malignant end of N/AsPD. Yeti got better at it with age too. It's rough growing up with these characters, isn't it?! Scott

Has anyone had the problem I run into all the time Peole ask what happened between Yeti and I, and after the first 5 words I lose them, they think I must be bullshitting. or Im exaggerating. It's as frustrating as hell. Scott

Actually that would be pretty easy. Many of my memories are not 'classically repressed', ie not repressed to the point of complete unawareness, they just aren't conscious until... some therapist asks a question "What happened in the ER?" or something like that. Umm after all, I was there because...