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Welcome to the forum. I get what you mean with always feeling weak deep down. Very recently I reached the bottom of my trauma's of which I did not remember anything. A couple of months later I slowly start to lose this weak feeling. There is a change from always having been on the losing end...

I hope your brother is on that dose of lithium then ;)

If you are having such a very hard time could you get an earlier appointment with your therapist? Or I believe it is a totally new therapist, you could even try and check another to see if they have time to see you sooner maybe. Just trying to think out loud as you really need help from a...

I get what you mean. I also never related to needing others, and was the most pseudo autonomous person around, but always alone, and yet never feeling really alone, it was ok. Now having gone through the total helplessness that caused this attitude to exist, it seems for the first time I feel...

I am crossing my fingers for you tomorrow you gonna kick some ass, won't you!?!? :-) I would say you have permission to go out loud with psycho screaming at that person that calls himself a therapist. I understand now better that you need to become a bit stronger to stand on your own, sorry if I...

Welcome here :-) I am very sorry your son and you had to go through such a terrible time. Please see a therapist to figure out what is wrong with you, deep down as you write. It will be easier to move on, when you can talk with someone, from which your son will also benefit indirectly. To give...

Yes, I totally know what you mean. It has everything to do with dying and it is overwhelming. I felt panic, unforeseeable future disasters coming on over which I had absolutely no control. Totally helpless. Total loss of control. To me there was absolutely no cognitive part or reasoning part...

Nah, I believe we never remember things wrong from the past.

Yes, I think you are right; he is focused on one traumatic event in that book. From my experience it does not matter as the way your body processes and remembers trauma it compartmentalises pieces of trauma in any case. The difference is that in complex trauma you may need to go into freeze a...

I just see supportive realistic replies from other members above. I am not sure what you experience as judgemental, as everyone supports you in your difficult situation. It sounds serious to me from how you describe your situation, is it not?

Yeah for the therapist!! You can rock lady :-) Being diagnosed at your age to you must really totally suck. To me it would have been a total blessing.

Maybe you could do a search on 'somatic experiencing', 'peter levine' or frozen, freeze, tonic immobility, as there is a lot written on the forum about your post. I know that I myself wrote a lot about it. You could also check out the book Waking the Tiger by Peter Levine, or one of his other...

Take your time to let the impact sink in. You are very kind too, and we will be here for you @Nikie :-)

Wow that is so wonderful that your shy little me dares to write :) I am sorry that I am still a little bit confused about your parents. How can it be safe for you, while you do not trust them and they do not support you? Your examples of communication with them is painful to me. I understand it...

Yes, I relate to this too. To me it is the reliving of the total helplessness of the very young child that has no one. A few months ago I almost drowned in this state, and it is hard without real supporters, who really understand. I felt I was capable of nothing; grocery shop and therapist was...

Yes, that is what I experienced always too, always back to depression after a while. Be easy on yourself then, do you have some medication for anxiety you can take?

It could be that there is a lot you do not remember, at least that is the feeling I get from reading your story. I would just want to make you aware that talk therapy has its limitations with regard to what you do not remember, as you will not be able to speak about it, because you simply don't...

I could recommend Lumosity (lumosity.com), as you can train your attention span by doing cognitive fun exercises. I used it after I had brain surgery, and left me with a very slow brain for over a year. It really worked as I could see the daily scores and trends over months go up. You can try it...

Please keep reaching out here Nikie and keep writing. You are NOT the bad one; that is a very wrong idea about yourself. All the things that are spinning in your head, write them down, it will help you. Or better write them here on the forum. You are good as you are :-) Take care so much.

Thank you for your note, I find that very considerate of you @ptsdednos :-) Take all the time you need, I hope it can help you a little bit.

Very welcome @ptsdesnos. I understand there is no one else, but how do you expect to move forward with these people still involved in your life? I would not like it if my husband would love my sick family; btw I have neither in the present, but hypothetically speaking. How do you feel about...

Welcome to the forum Snowflake. I understand you feel alone, I feel alone too. I have not moved for years in my chair in therapy, only able to sit at the edge of the chair, never able to lean back. It is being stuck in trauma, and I am slowly getting unstuck. I would not like the question 'why I...

I honestly wonder for what reason you 'celebrate' Christmas with toxic people. You expect of yourself and your family expect you to behave 'normal merry Christmas' under abusive circumstances. WTF. What kind of show is this? You end up feeling as the bad person, but they are the bad persons that...

This Shannon belongs in jail, it is a criminal. I hope she is. I hope you find the courage to see a good trauma therapist, they can help you. I know the feeling of wishing that people who tried to kill you rather had done the job till the end. For some reason though it is good we still live. I...

This is a very interesting sentence, it made me think. I was literally unwanted from conception till leaving the house to study. Active attempts to kill me starting before birth, severe neglect, and later psychological killing. Being unwelcome is my standard perception of households with...