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I dissociate quite a bit and have parts. In the beginning before therapy and about a year into therapy I always had a lot of dreams. Many nightmares where I would wake up screaming or sad dreams where I would wake up crying or dreams I couldn't remember but I would wake up dissociated and dizzy...

I'm sorry you are having a hard time. I'm so happy you have been able to keep the self harm under control. Even when I have people around sometimes the flashbacks come with such emotions swirling in my brain I tend to be really focused inward and it doesn't really matter that they are...

Yes! Yes! Yes! I often feel like I am not allowed to tell.....on myself or I will be In trouble with the one part that kind of gets to decide what information comes and goes. In the beginning the other parts couldn't even express themselves in ways that had nothing to with the trauma but we...

I have always hard a hard time of wanting more evidence or proof that my memories are real. Some incidents I never forgot so I know they happened but others were more like flashes and came to me over time. I wish I could remember who on here I could give credit to but one day I read on...

@CrowFeather Hippa stands for Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act. If a psychologist is in private practice and does not file any insurance electronically. There is a lot more leeway. My provider doesn't take any insurance at all and is all cash pay so even though he follows...

Yes. I go at least twice a month. Sometimes I go once a week. It has helped me learn that there is such a thing as safe touch. I have also learned to be in my body more and dissociate a whole lot less. My massage therapist knows the basics of my trauma and works with a lot of people who have had...

@Alice.in.Wonderland yeah I am so excited it went well for you! Don't worry about the integration thing. I use to worry about that. But I have since realized that no one can make you do anything with your parts that you don't want to. And integration can mean a lot of things to a lot of...

I hope things get better for you. I'm on therapist #7 and finally feel understood and never feel judged. He brought gummy bears to session for one of my parts today :)......but it took me six other tries to get here and they all sucked. As I look back on it now I am proud that I didn't give up...

I was thinking about you as well and wondering how things had gone. I'm so glad you had a happy reunion.

Such great comments from everyone and they have given me so much to think about and process. I have read the posts responses several times and picked up something new every time. I go to therapy tomorrow and have a ton to talk about. But I wanted to say thank you because I have found such...

I work in a medical office and I would suggest having your testosterone checked. Simple blood test. As stated above many medications can cause this as well. It's a simple thing to rule out....what if all it took was a med change? Once that is done then you can look for deeper issues. But we have...

I tried the ear plugs and they didn't work out for me. My husband also got me a white noise machine and it works great. I have used it so much it is like the sound of it tells my body it is time for bed. My sleep has improved dramatically!

@KwanYingirl I was just rereading your posts and I thought it was interesting that you said that you felt like your therapist was bored with you. I definitely think mine is tired of me but I have had this weird feeling about him being bored with me lately. In the beginning I think he was even...

I hate that all of you have experienced these things but it is comforting to know that someone else gets what I am saying. Me too. Actually sometimes I prefer the dissociation. Weird I know! . I wanted to run away so much last night and I felt completely over stimulated by the time I left...

yes! Exactly. It is so frustrating. I have a list of grounding techniques but like @lostforgottensoul my head feels the spin cycle thing and I don't even think about doing half of the things that might help me. I am physically exhausted and dizzy. I feel better but triggers like that wipe me...

Yesterday I got triggered. I went from being in a very good mood to panicked, unsafe and then dissociated very quickly. It's like falling down the rabbit hole where it is dark and there is no hope. In the past I have cut and I wanted to so badly last night but I have almost hit the 6 month mark...

I think you are teaching your kids a powerful lesson about taking care of themselves. So many of us never got that lesson. I overheard my youngest child tell a friend..."my mom broke the cycle". It made me feel proud. He is 18 and can see and understand now what he couldn't when he was smaller...

I go twice a week for therapy and have for over a year...even better/or worse depending on how you look at it....my sessions are two hours long. So that is four hours of therapy a week. Sometimes I am embarrassed about it. I did one session a week for the first year but I look back on this last...

If I go back and analyze last year....I had a lot of opposition in parts. Things are have just started to come together. Once I acknowledged them and allowed them to have an opinion and a say....everything settled down. I did struggle with knowing who the real me is and I have just decided that...

I have parts that do this too. It was weird when I became aware enough to realize that I had parts that didn't want to feed and nourish myself. Parts that loved gummy bears and yet the grown up part of me is a health food nut so for the longest time I felt conflicted. I definitely have a part...

I soooo needed to hear this today and said in this way. Thanks to all of you that have responded. I really appreciate it. I have a great therapist and I believe what he says but sometimes I want to hear from people who truly know what it means to deal with some of this stuff. Being in my...

Do you think the fear of it coming in so quickly and intensely is making it worse...keeping you in the cycle? Remember it can also leave as quickly as it came. When I worry about it I get locked in and can't get out of the spin cycle. When I let myself feel it and just say....okay this...

I take a blanket to therapy every week and I have a therapist who gives hugs. But honestly I went through several therapists before I found one that I felt safe enough to tell about the things that happened to me. I wish I would have started looking sooner but somehow I just had it in my mind...

This is actually common in therapy. Most therapists have some training and expect to deal with this at some point. Some of them are really good at handling it and some of them are not. Especially if your traumas are sexual in nature our bodies often get confused with sex and intimacy. Therapy is...

Every time my therapist and I have experienced a rupture...whether my fault or his...and there have been both...has been an opportunity for me to grow. We have worked through them every time and as a result seem to work better and better together towards my end goal. The first time was...