Possible Sudden Social Anxiety?

[Justmehere]

My therapist told me on Friday that my anxiety could get worse for a few days because of the interpersonal trauma we talked about and worked with at my last session. She wasn't kidding...

My normally very trigger specific anxiety is now suddenly leaking all over the place and turning into general anticipatory anxiety about all people today. I seem to be fine once I am with someone and interacting with them. But I have tremendous anticipation about connecting with people. I fear initiating contact with people, or responding to them initiating contact with me. It's so bad that I have had to physically pace, walk around, just to lower anxiety enough to respond to friends about an event we are going to go to tomorrow. The event doesn't make me anxious, and I don't think my friends are doing anything that is triggering me. I spent time with two friends this morning. Once I was around them, all was good. But before I walked up to where we met up, I was nearly in tears with tremendous anxiety about doing anything other than running away.

There are no thoughts that I can correlate with the anxiety. I see that I have a text notification on my phone, and my hands instantly shake. One friend asked that I call him to share details with him, and I can't seem to bring myself to return the call.

I told him I could call in two hours and I'm nearly hyperventilating about doing that. This isn't like me. I return calls all the time... and now it makes me panic?

I'm not sure what to do. I'm trying to ground. I've been avoiding returning calls or texts as much as possible. I feel like I need to face this fear, and not run from it. The more I'm avoiding things, the worse it gets. I keep telling myself I'm safe, all is ok, but my brain and body are not listening.

Any suggestions?

 

[scout86]

I'm kind of like that most of the time. Worse with phone calls and in person. Like you said it gets better once you actually get started. For me the worst thing I can do is let myself get started procrastinating. The more I put things off the worse it gets. Pushing through it seems like the best approach if you can.

 

[Leigh925]

Do you think the fear of it coming in so quickly and intensely is making it worse...keeping you in the cycle?

Remember it can also leave as quickly as it came.

When I worry about it I get locked in and can't get out of the spin cycle. When I let myself feel it and just say....okay this weekend I'm not going to connect.... I am a little more high strung than normal and it is ok. I am having the feelings that my therapist predicted and ride it out...like a wave.

By the way....I have a tough time taking my own advice but when I can do it....it does help and I get out of the anxiety pattern much faster.

 

[Justmehere]

Thanks for the support.

The more I put things off the worse it gets.

This is really true for me. I did finally push through and returned texts. I got so anxious I couldn't talk to call, but I did text. I felt better once I did it.

Now already anticipating the next contact and communication. Ugh. I have to get myself out of this hole.

Do you think the fear of it coming in so quickly and intensely is making it worse...keeping you in the cycle?

That's a really good question. I think the fear of anyone knowing how anxious I am is making it worse.

I am a little more high strung than normal and it is ok. I am having the feelings that my therapist predicted and ride it out...like a wave.

This is a great way to think about it - it's a lot of self acceptance along with ridingo the wave of the anxiety, instead of fighting or fearing it. With other kind of anxiety, this makes it better for me too. Thanks for the good suggestion.

In therapy, we dealt with trauma where I wanted to hide when it was happening. Now, I think maybe I am fearing being seen. It's not the text that scares me, but my responding to it. If I respond, I am showing up, I am being visible. Once my friends see me, well then the choice to be seen or not is over. They see me. I got to remember that this is ok now.

 

[Seasounds]

Knowing that the cycle will end is useful. I usually need 3-4 days for the anxiety cycle to wind down.

In some instances, where I notice my anxiety decreases when I am near someone who is safe, I call and ask if I can sleep on their couch for a few nights; that way I don't have to go in and out of re-establishing a connection; in between the connections, like you said, can be anxious times.

Sometimes I will use an anti-anxiety med, to break the anxiety cycle.

Sometimes I call my therapist, to help change the cycle. Sometimes I tell my therapist to not give me predictions.

And the there is retreating into the countryside and being with nature and animals.

 

[Tinyflame]

Does anyone have different techniques for anxiety from worrying about possible future negative things, versus anxiety as above where bad things *shouldn't* happen?

 

[Rumors]

Not that what I do will help, but I try and focus as hard on my happy place as I do the anxiety. It may take me 5 minutes or it could take an hour, but if I delve in to putting myself in the place I feel most safe visually. Then before I know it, my mind has gone there and the anxiety subsides. Once it subsides I go on with telling my self that I am safe, it's 2016, I am old and nothing bad will happen to me by meeting up with my friends. I do get social anxiety sometimes too. It is overwhelming. I get fixated on things like having my shoes clean, or needing to shower just before so my hygiene is perfect... Stupid, I know, but necessary to combat the anxiety. Once I am clean, in clean clothes, feeling like I have prepared totally then the anxiety becomes fixated on the actual conversation.... It really sucks and I am sorry you are going through it. If you have a happy place, try and get there and let it be your main focus. You have to work as hard on that imagery as you do thinking about the anxiety though. It is tough!!! Best wishes. Will send you good thoughts. Hang in there.

 

[scout86]

I've been thinking about this & might have run across something useful. Maybe?

To begin with, stupid as it probably sounds, I didn't realize that was "anxiety", Honest! To me, it's always been an unpleasant, annoying phenomenon that makes it hard to avoid getting in trouble with people. :rolleyes: So, ok, once again, my T was probably on to something when he said I don't make connections with "emotions" real well. THAT is an emotion?????? :wideeyed::wideeyed::wideeyed: Who knew? (Apparently most of the rest of the people in the world, but whatever.)

Anyway, yesterday, my T started the session by bringing up my biggest, most over powering phobia. (Shots & related forms of torture.) He has a new client with the same phobia AND serious diabetes. He talked about how they are planning to approach it. During the conversation, I mentioned that I can GIVE shots, just have a gigantic problem being on the receiving end. He asked how I did that. I said, "By not thinking about what I'm doing." I told him I sort of shift into a different gear and just focus on "doing". I can not only hit a vein, I'm pretty good at it. You kind of have to pay attention to what you're doing to do that, but the way I do it, to me, it seems like I'm "paying attention" without "thinking". He kind of laughed. Said that made total sense to him. That what I'm doing is focusing on the process with the higher centers in my brain, which tends to shut off the "OMG, OMG!!!!!!" parts of my brain. I KNOW I can screw this up if I let myself start thinking about it in a way that lets me see it as "stabbing a horse with a needle". As long as I don't go there, it's cool. I can give shots, put in a catheter, even do stitches.

Soooooooooo, do you suppose it would work to handle "returning phone calls and talking to people" the same way? :nailbiting::nailbiting::nailbiting::nailbiting:

 

[Tinyflame]

THAT is an emotion?????? :wideeyed::wideeyed::wideeyed: Who knew? (Apparently most of the rest of the people in the world...)

Not I. I thought anxiety was an issue, not an emotion. :wideeyed:

(.. Hey @scout86 we must have been in the same class. :p )

 

[Justmehere]

I keep thinking about this subject a lot. It had gotten a lot worse for me, when I even try to write about it, I get anxious.

So this is me, trying to ride out those feelings a bit instead of continuing to run from them.

(If only avoidance worked!)

I had a very detailed psych eval, and he thought I had some robust social anxiety too.

The initiation of contact is so hard. I have tried to changing my thinking to make it like I'm already conversing with someone, but I can't tell what the difference is in continuing contact and initiating contact. I don't know what I do or think that makes one easier or harder than the other.

Right now I'm massively avoiding social media for my company, and that's a huge problem. I'm so sabatoging myself.

I think I'm scared I will fail. I'm trying to sit with it and the only thought is that if I try, I will fail again.

That's not helpful.

Going to go try to pace off some of this anxiety. Feeling glad social media is not a huge part of my job.

 

[Justmehere]

@scout86 - I think you are so right in about not thinking about it - and doing it without thinking.

I do my best work under a deadline, and it might be that I simply think a lot less because the deadline pushes me to get it done.

Going to try and see if I can implement that in less stressful ways...

 

[watundah]

(If only avoidance worked!)

That there is my bumper sticker.

Sometimes I have found it helpful to totally exert myself physically (long hike, bike ride) then come home and knock it all out without time for the endorphins to disperse and my body to collapse, kind of like riding the buzz of a good body high. I am in high gear and not distracted having countered the anxiety by chewing on it while sweating. Pep talks like "when I get home, im going to DO this..." At work, I did a light version by walking through my lunch hour.