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@MeowMeow You are so so so not alone. Your post reads exactly like one I could write. Between you and me (and everyone here) - I lived in a studio apartment and beyond not bathing or brushing my hair or teeth, I peed into a mason jar I kept in reaching distance from my bed. It wasn't a big...

Yep and for some folks it hard and uncomfortable to see someone they care about in so much pain so they bail. Sometimes without realizing the why. True, truer, truest. I've posted before that this site has literally save my life on more than one occasion. And my suicidal ideation is diagnosed...

I've always felt the same but couldn't put my finger on the why. This is my new mantra, "I don't know WHY they do what they do...""'

A technique I've never SF tried but can already see better by helpful.

Beautiful and so is the doggie Inevitable and true The only thing in the world I want Thank gawd. And it's why I come here

As for folks who dismiss PTSD or have no desire to learn/understand when you try to explain/educate.... Don't try to explain yourself to stupid people. You are not a jackass whisperer. (Not my quote but I cannot find the author to credit) And I apologize if explicit language like jack*** is...

@Alibongo Two things (suggestions not directives): 1) I always say people are horrible to my T but coming here reminds me that not everyone is. Example - you and me ;) 2) keep seeing you're T. If she has helped I the past she can likely still help/provide support. Maybe let her know (via...

@Alibongo Keep posting here. "Inevitable suicide" and "death by my own hands" are the exact words are used with my therapist on Thursday. You're not alone. I will repeat-keep posting here. We do care. This site has literally saved my life on more than one occasion because it reminded me I was...

Be open to changing meds if you can. I tap out easily (successful use of a med at first and then the effectiveness wanes). it's taken me a long time to find a combination that works. But I'm more knowledgeable now and actively involved in researching and suggesting medications (although my...

Exactly

I google my rapist maybe 3 times a year. I can't search him any other way as I don't have social media accounts/presence online except for you all (thank you). I also look to see if his wife has divorced him since I told her her raped me and has been sent acopies of the police report (It was...

@Sandstone Thank you. I needed the reassurance that my mom's is not the best place to be. She means well and Lord knows she has suffered a lot in her own life but she doesn't have the skills to be compassionate towards me or herself. @hodge I'll stay on top of my SSD. It's a crazy long...

I lived a successful desirable life. Lived in an amazing major metropolis, had a good job, friends, family, pet, social calendar. It took years to get to that place through life lessons, self help and a therapist and psych. I worked for years through childhood sexual/emotional abuse and...

I agree. Some of my longest/bestest friends I met in the community. I did not mean to generalize.

I spent YEARS in the community as a dominant it an attempt to taken control since I had no control over my own sexuality as a CSA. It garnered deep respect, an occasional a little fear from others being "the top". As a child what I thought were lessons about how to behave as a sexual being was...

I wholeheartedly support this!!! Your T will be grateful for your sharing in any capacity.

Yes but it's been via phone infrequently since June. I'll start seeing him again in person in September. I suspect he knows I feel like I am my trauma but this is the first time I've verbalized it. It's scary to even retread that response.

My trauma defines me - I am my trauma And that makes me feel not like a victim but like a hopeless being riding my life out until it ends.

Or to keep my rage/anger fresh and hard and ongoing. All while keeping my fear/belief that I'll never be without the fingerprint of my trauma a reminder.

@Suzetig This makes my day. So proud of and happy for you :smug::hug::joyful:

Check back in with us. We're rooting for you :tup:

@Suzetig

@Suzetig :hug: From me and unsolicited advice :cautious:... Tell your T even if via email. Unburdening some of that shame will feel good (afterwards) regardless of the outcome. And, the fact that you've reached a place were you need to and can reveal will speak volumes more to your T than any...

@NatBird No I'm not I'm just genuinely happy when "one of us" succeeds at something that brings us comfort and a sense of self worth. Congrats.

@NatBird This brings me joy and hope. So much I'm in tears.