Search results

I listened to a really good podcast (not sure if I am allowed to post a link here) but it is by two Australian psychologists who talk about narcissism in families. It is called the good mood clinic podcast and it has really helped me to listen to it. I wanted to share in case it is helpful. I...

I'm sorry you have had these experiences. That is really difficult for you to go through. Can you call a helpline - I am not sure what country you are in - and speak to them initially if you are not able to tell your mum? It is not ok that you had to go through this and that you have been left...

Just going to throw this in there that lots of attachment based difficulties can cause the issues you describe and that kind of somatic experience and difficulty with depression or intimacy. It doesn't have to be csa. We overlook the seemingly 'insignificant' experiences and the impact of...

Yeah That makes sense. I tended to dissociate too but I don't really anymore. That conflict is hard when different parts pull you in different directions. I'm sorry you have that. I feel like that too sometimes and have been told it can be protective. Wjr When you say vulgar it feels like you...

This makes sense to me. All the things you mention are positive things. Is it difficult to allow yourself to settle and feel safe because the positive feelings never lasted or led to something bad in the past? So it feels unsettling. Not being able to future plan can be part of PTSD I think. I'm...

Thank you for all the helpful responses. Yes so that all makes sense. It is the fact that at the moment I can say very small things or things I have said before and that have stuck (vague things like he touched me or we were in one room and other people were in the other and things happened)...

Ok so I'm having emdr and I have a memory and I want to say - I can feel his hands on me - or I can feel the feeling of his *horrible 'stuff'* on me like it's sticky or I can feel him touching or doing x or y. But I can't so I just say I can't say it. But I feel like I need to be able to say it...

Thank you both. I did see my therapist the other day and they did seem to believe me. I did say that I didn't know if they would. I did feel relieved to have shared it. I am terrified so terrified but also relieved. I hate that this still has a hold over me. I hate that it takes me attention and...

Thank you for listening. It just feels like a big mess and I wouldn't blame my therapist for not believing me but I need them to and I need to be told I am believed so thank you. I just don't know if it makes sense like why would both those things happen. Although I think the second thing...

Oh my gosh I really can't deal with this. I am really scared I have got confused and I don't see how I can have had these things happen with two different people in the space of a few years. Like my dad and my mums partner both did things to me that can't be right or real. I really think I must...

I drafted an email to my t and accidentally sent it and I can't get it back and now I don't know what to do. I did not want to send it. I really really didn't. Also I remembered a thing that happened with me and another child and we were playing and it was I think developmentally normal play...

No it's not I do understand what you are saying and I appreciate it. I just feel like (and I get that this is how I was affected by how I grew up) that he was not well and therefore it isn't his fault which I know really is not the point I just feel like if I blame him it makes me more worse. I...

I genuinely feel like it probably wasn't meant badly by my dad or by my mum. Like I feel like it was a lack of control or something rather than to dominate (which is what the other stuff felt like). I don't know because he could be very controlling and horrible when he was drunk but when he...

Just trying this out here but I could just say to my t that it was csa and my dad and that it wasn't that bad (not as bad as the things that happened in another place) but it is like I blocked this bit off and then I have been back in touch with it more recently. And it is that it happened at...

Thanks so much for sharing this. I appreciate it. I had a funny experience the other day where I saw someone I hadn't seen since I was a young child and she mentioned something that acted as a trigger for lots of other memories. I felt sort of reassured by that like my memory is working...

Thank you so much for listening.

I just need to say things with my dad and my mum saw and then he didn't bath or put us to bed. But no one ever said anything. need to just say it.

Thanks for saying this. Yes it feels really difficult and like my brain is just not coping at the moment with this like I just can't cope with it at all and I feel so confused and bad so I guess I must have felt even more confused when I was actually young. I did sort of mention it to my...

I'm sorry you have had this experience. That is really difficult. I agree that someone who specialises in trauma may be helpful. It us hard when you just begin to realise or name something as abuse. Take care.

If he doesn't notice you are dissociating when you have sex and then you carry on anyway isn't that quite retraumatising? Forgive me if I have got that wrong. I am sorry it is so difficult. I hope you can find a way through

Thank you for these responses they are really helpful. @Movingforward10 @Survivor3 so I think that is what my therapist said when I said I have memories that are different that I boxed off and that feeling of knowing something but also not knowing it not letting yourself know it even though you...

Thank you for these replies. I can't think them all through at the moment but wanted to say how much I appreciate them.

I have been in therapy for cptsd and I have begun emdr relating to some CSA that happened with a non family member. I also have been exploring some of the factors that made me vulnerable such as violence at home etc with my parents. However I have other memories to do with one of my parents...

I find it so hard and I feel so guilty for not feeling merry and finding it easy to join in the films. I hate Christmas songs especially like pop songs. I don't really know why it's a trigger even which makes me feel even more guilty. I want to try to reclaim it and make it my own but things...

What do you think is so scary about accepting that it was not your fault? I agree with the posts above about fight, flight, freeze, submit. The submit response is very real. We are conditioned by our experiences too including earlier attachment experiences. I think my early attachment patterns...