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@Solara - I know right! I have an issue getting into public swimming pools much less a public ball pit. This ball pit is a big 9' inflatable swimming pool. I got all those balls (about $2000 worth) for $100 because they're factory rejects, meaning they're slightly less inflated than your...

@SeanGeo Agreed! I had no idea about SIT therapy. It sounds like something I could use when I'm past the grieving process and ready to re-enter the world around me. I've pretty much stayed home all day, everyday for the last 3 years (though I only remember 1 year). I think I'd definitely benefit...

Anxiety and panic attacks have always been bad for me, but I started doing well, until March of this year. I started losing control again. It was par for the course during one of my panic attacks for me to self harm or destroy my stuff. Before, I never would have touched my fiancé's stuff...

Thank you so much for posting this. It must be very hard. As someone who stays home alone all day, I'm glad to know this risk is possible. I often get mad at my fiancé for his insistence that he be home anytime a workman or delivery is made, but now I realize bad stuff can happen. What a...

@SeanGeo - not offended in the least. I'm guessing she employs 7 because my grief is coming from several different incidences, time periods, and severities. For us the stages are: 1.) Shock & Denial 2.) Pain & Guilt 3.) Anger & Bargaining 4.) "Depression" Reflection, Loneliness 5.) The Upward...

@intothelight , thank you very much. I have indeed been working through the steps of grief. Though I know intellectually that this is normal it still feels very raw and primitive. Growing up, anger was not an acceptable emotion. Showing anger meant opening yourself up for attack and judgment. On...

@SeanGeo I really like the idea of the straw. I have not tried SIT. I have tried CBT, DBT, & I am currently in EMDR with an art therapist. One of the things she has me do is to draw out what my anger looks like, what my sorrow looks like, etc. Then, I ask the picture what he/she feels. Then I...

Thank you for the support. Everything takes as long as it takes. I'm only beginning to really feel the anger. I definitely liken the journey to the seven stages of grief. After 5 years, I'm only making it to step 3 (anger & bargaining). I spent most of the time in the shock & denial stage, and...

@SeanGeo Thanks! I think this link is great. I've seen it before four years ago when I was first diagnosed. I couldn't remember what is was called. I'm going to print this out and keep it with me.

Well, I actually went to a physician first because I suspected I had depression. He put me on an antidepressant and I became suicidal. I was put into the mental health ward of a hospital for four days and they diagnosed me with bipolar. I went to the psychiatrist before the therapist because the...

Every time I try to write I end of writing a novel. So I'll do my best to keep it short. A year ago I had a really bad falling out with my mother. The backstory is way too long. I had a very strong suspicion a family member was being abused. I called my mother to try to reason with her to do...

[TL:DR] My name is Daniella, I'm 27. I have bipolar disorder and PTSD. The PTSD is a result of childhood abuse, sexual trauma, violent crimes - domestic violence, rape, sexual assault, & experiences with my mother's chronic depression, my father's alcoholism, and my father's recent suicide. I've...