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Trauma therapy is different for each person, for some it’s an incredibly distressing, long, difficult process. For others it feels less emotionally draining and the work can be quite short term. It depends on your trauma, how skilled your therapist is, their modality, the work you actually want...

The thread title is “I don’t know if I was raped or not”, so the OP is asking whether her experience amounts to rape. That’s a different question to whether her partner was entirely honourable in his dealings with her (no), whether he took advantage (yes), whether the situation was horrible...

Except she went there expecting to have sex (ie the text to her friend saying she thought she would), he asked if she was sure and she said yes, he’s used to her drinking heavily around him and they had already established an intimate relationship when sober and has agreed to sleep with “at some...

While none here can diagnose you, from what you’ve said think it’s pretty unlikely you have ptsd, it sounds like you’ve worked yourself into a state about an experience you regret and now are in the rabbit hole of needing an “explanation” that isn’t simply that you’ve worked yourself into a...

Boundaries tell us what we we’re able to offer others in relationship and what we’re prepared to accept from others, so my boundaries are very much something I “do” by myself. Those boundaries look different with different people in different situations but I still decide and if need be...

It is a heavy feat, yes, but I’m guessing there’s a time when the idea of noticing and avoiding felt like a heavy feat too? These are skills, learned over a long period of time, which help you overcome a lifetime of programming. Sometimes the skill clicks right away and sometimes it takes you...

It’s been very hard work - and I slip back all the time. So, today I feel ok, I know it wasn’t me and I don’t blame myself, next week, tomorrow, I’m an hours time who knows - that belief is far from a stable thing. It’s not so much that I came to believe my T more like I ran out of ways to...

Things that bring you back to the here and now, so mindfulness in all its forms - I’d second using the Headspace app or simply eating a piece of chocolate while fully focussed on the smell, taste, texture etc. Whatever you’re doing try to spend a minute or so really present in it, so if I’m in...

I think this is the key tbh, if someone is abusive they either change their behaviour or I end the relationship. That’s nothing to do with managing my response to being triggered and everything to do with my own self worth - I’m not there to be abused by anyone anymore. I don’t think you can...

I don’t see anyone suggesting the OP hides it, or doesn’t communicate about it, or heals on her own but expecting people to accommodate your disorder in going about their daily tasks is a very slippery slope. Her partner is going about his business in a separate part of the house, his behaviour...

I could have written your post OP, the ages were a bit different and the way abuse played out but the self hatred was there in all it’s glory. It has shifted now, im more empathic to my younger self, more able to see how few choices I had and how little support. Things that helped me were -...

As others have said DBzt skills can really help with emotional regulation - expressing those strong emotions is one thing, putting it all away again at the end of a session is quite another. I also wonder if other people see something in your emotional expression that you simply don’t. To give...

I wonder if instead of thinking of it as anger you recognised it as him being fully involved in the excitement of the game. Think of times when you really loose yourself in something maybe like a music concert or a very funny movie, or a good book. These things are designed to evoke an...

It makes perfect sense and is probably one of many losses you’ve had to PTSD. Take some time out to grieve this loss.

His yelling isn’t at you, or in response to anything you’ve done? He’s in a different part of the house, engaged in a video game - which is a form of relaxation for him? I’m going to go against the flow here and say I think it would be unfair to ask him to stop. It would be different if he was...

You are still responsible for your actions. Honestly “I did it while I was triggered so it’s not my fault/I had no control/couldn’t help it” is bullshit. We have a responsibility to understand our triggers and to learn how to manage our response to those triggers. It is hard. Very hard...

Oh I really get this bit - not that my Y has been a mother figure to me, our relationship is different but it really matters to me so that loss of contact is hard. It may be that you can drop her the very occasional email just to touch base - not anything therapy related - until the relationship...

You’ve been in this incredibly intense relationship for a long time now - of course ending is going to be hard going. It sounds like the work with her in that relationship hasn’t really extended beyond that to other close relationships, where you’ve developed a support network outside of...

You’ve posted a lot about your relationship - it’s not just been one thread - and much of it has been uncomplimentary. It’s your choice how you use the site and I’m not judging you - but if you want to have a healthy relationship, talking about it in a place he can read and know it’s you isnt...

Before you posted this thread or before you posted the quoted reply? If it’s before you posted the thread then surely the answer is, if you’re apologising before you do it it’s a good sign you shouldn’t be doing it. And then you decide to not do it. There’s nothing about PTSD that removes your...

Seriously? I’d stop posting about him in a forum where you know he could come across it. I’d feel my husband was being incredibly manipulative if he posted stuff about our relationship here (he’s not a member and to my knowledge never comes here). There’s something that feels deeply disloyal...

I honestly don’t see why this is an issue tbh - I accept that it’s an issue for you but wanting some time and space in my own home feels perfectly reasonable. If folk were waiting for him while he was in the bath, did he know that and did they look for him so he knew? He sounds like he’s really...

I hear that you ultimately want to bring stuff from your emails etc into your session. What’s stopping you doing that now? It’s an important question because whatever is slowing down the process may well be a part of you which knows the pace you can work at. It’s ok to want more, but part of...

So, this is the danger of Ts not managing their emotion well - therapy is a space where you can share anything without worrying about the Ts feelings - no need to balance anything and honestly if she’s working with a charity supporting people following sexual abuse, I’d expect her to be a good...

That’s the problem, you don’t always know. This exact issue has caused a huge rift in my relationship with someone I thought I was close to recently but it highlighted for me the importance of goodwill on both sides.