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So I did a thing the other night. I took one of my poems about my trauma and did an open mic for spoken word poetry. I thought it would be a smaller venue, but there were 4 times more people there than I thought would be there. I wanted to back out, but I didn't. I was able to get through it and...

Hi LucyLou, I can relate to this. I've battled SH for years. I also have an excellent trauma therapist. I've told him about it, and he understands that it's a coping mechanism and not an attempt at suicide. Not all therapists understand that, and it might be best to talk to your therapist and...

I isolate. I feel safer when I'm alone at home locked away. I go to work and therapy, but that's about it except for occasional necessary things like doctor's appointments and such. I live with my adult son. We both suffered abuse by my ex (his dad) and escaped 14 years ago. He still stalks me...

Yes, I do this all of the time. I write to "get it out" and it helps, but it's so difficult to go through. Often new memories come up and it's a struggle.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Do you live in the US? If so, then you might want to speak to an employment attorney. Generally churches have to follow the same employment laws, and firing someone while out on or right after returning from a medical leave of absence is big time illegal...

Hello and welcome to the forum. I'm sorry that you're going through this. Being newly diagnosed can feel overwhelming, and having your bf walk out only adds to that. Feeling unsure and lost is completely normal. I still feel that way a lot of the time. You'll find a lot of us on here are going...

There is so much for me. Too much. All I can say right now is, me too.

Hi Lissar, I've been through the same stuff, and I also disassociate. I worked with my therapist on this a lot before I went to my appointments. I told the receptionist about my history of SA and other trauma, but it was not passed on. When I arrived, I had to tell the technician who was doing...

Early on in my therapy journey, I sought out a trauma therapist because I was remembering a lot of intense trauma and needed more than talk therapy. I was not wanting to do EMDR at that point. I was not against it in the future. I was just having difficulty with the intensity of the horrific...

I freeze and disassociate when overwhelmed and triggered. When I was with my abuser, I would often freeze while he yelled/lectured/demanded things at/of me. I just told myself in my head to just put up with it and stand there and take it and then it will end (he will eventually stop). It would...

It sounds like you're on the right track and might need to look around for another therapist. Is this therapist trained in trauma? I've found that makes a big difference. Getting the right support in therapy makes a big difference. So maybe don't give up on therapy, but instead consider finding...

Hello and welcome to the forum. I've been sexually assaulted and strangled, and had many other horrible things done to me by my abuser for years. I've been in therapy with a trauma therapist for 3-4 years, and I can tell you that it does get better! I've seen a few therapists that were not...

Yep, me too. Therapy is hard work and exhausting. I had a rough session last night. A lot of bad stuff came up, and I'm still feeling "crappy" from it. For me it's like being triggered. It takes a few days to recover. Some sessions are much better, some are harder, and some are easy because we...

Hi Thumbelina, I can assure you that you didn't mess up. I know it's embarrassing, but your therapist will not only understand, they will honor your feelings and nervousness. They will understand that you need to go at your own pace, whatever speed that is. Maybe consider messaging them or...

Yes to both. My abuser was LAPD and every time I had to deal with police of any city (there were several involved over the years), they supported my abuser, including refusing to enforce the restraining orders which included the DA's office with several incidents. I've also had trauma from...

I am able to deal with a lot of horrific stuff whether it's watching a show or in real life. I work in the medical field and I can jump into the trauma and emergency situations and keep a cool head. And with all of the horrible stuff I survived, watching shows like that is more normal than not...

Thanks for all the hard work you do @anthony ! The site looks great so far, and I'm excited for all of the new changes and updates!

I've also had similar things happen. Relaxing does not feel safe, so it's not only hard to do, it's also triggering because of things that have happened. I have a really good trauma therapist now, and he knows me well. That took time, and we had a couple of set backs where I went back and told...

You're not alone in this. I've fantasized off and on for years about how to beat my abuser to death with my hands, a baseball bat, in the face, head and neck. It's very satisfying I think because in my fantasy I am able to fight back and not only win, but stop and destroy him.

Nope. I don't think you're overreacting at all.

From my perspective, so much of what you are describing with this therapist is wrong. To go from apologetic to defensive about his inappropriate behavior in blocking you from exiting, is very disturbing. Then he denied doing it!! WTF?! This is a big red flag to me. That one behavior is...

Hello Nje and welcome. This is a safe place to post and ask questions. I'm glad that you will be bringing this up in therapy so that you can talk about it. My ex husband raped me. It is confusing and horrific and something we should never have to go through or even worry about ever happening.

Hello and welcome! This is a great spot to connect and vent and ask questions.

It can definitely feel silly to do and say the things we need in therapy and recovery. It's so important, and your therapist is not thinking you're being silly or otherwise. We all know the reality of dealing with the bad stuff, and I was lucky to have a place I'd been before that I can picture...

Yes I used state disability (FMLA) Yes Pay out is too slow. I had to constantly call or drive to the nearest office to bug them to move my paperwork through to get paid. I had my GP (general practitioner) fill out the note for work and the state disability online. I didn't want my...