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Oh my goodness, I could have written this. Its something I think about and struggle with a lot, nothing my T says helps--usually, it makes it worse. Who I was before, is very different from who I am now. And no matter how hard I try, I can't get back to being "her". Truth is, I can't. She's...

Emdr begins again next week, but we are finally nearing the end of it. We've honestly strung it out for a really long time, but it's the best I could do. Sometimes I wish I could be stronger and then I beat myself up for not. I'm beginning to realize that I'm allowing what happened to...

I haven't stopped to read everyone else's comments so I apologize if what I say is repetitive in nature. My home life was very abusive and dysfunctional. I live in a small community, which apparently has a cult. My therapist told me that she has worked a lot with young people who have escaped...

This is really interesting and encouraging to hear. My therapist keeps asking me how old I feel whenever she notices me starting to curl up into myself, and I've always avoided responding to her question. Seeing your description of that process makes me more comfortable opening up. I don't have...

It's been a little bit, so I figured I'll update. We haven't done EMDR since I last wrote, figured we would give it a break since the holidays are here. I've been really emotional over things lately, and I'm usually not one to cry. I'm trying to cut myself off from it, which I know probably...

I think when trying to explain it to other people, maybe tell them, that it's impossible to take care of your family unless you are in a healthy place yourself. Maybe tell them that ptsd is really difficult to life with, and even though you don't show it on the outside, it's very physically and...

Don't worry. On a scale of 1-10 how would you rate the distress of that memory? For me, I kinda did the same thing for my first few sessions, especially when we were working on small traumas. For really significant traumas the sessions have been overwhelming emotionally, but even then, on a...

I figured an anonymous forum is a good place to ask questions I'm too embarrassed to bring up in an actual therapy session. I've recently been diagnosed with DID, and I guess I'm searching for possible causations. I can't figure out if I'm "normal" or not. So help me out here. At what are...

Yay, yay, yay! Today was the easiest emdr session I've ever had. It started off kind of rough, but the last 3/4 never got stressful at all. I almost worried that I was doing something wrong, but she said that was exactly what she wanted to see happen, and that we are nearing the end. We talked...

Oh lord, EMDR today. I was fine all week, but my nerves are starting to ramp up a bit. I have no idea where my head is going to go, and I think in ways that's what frightens me the most--not being able to prepare for which specific memories will come up. I think its probably the biggest...

One of the very first things I learned in therapy was that I needed to voice up when my therapist was pushing too hard too fast. I struggled a lot in the beginning and wasn't functioning well outside of therapy. When I talked to my psychiatrist at my appointment, she asked if therapy was...

@jandal I'm not sure if I'm more or less comfortable with the fact that even our "characters" are even similar. I've had a little girl whose always been there. But she's never been outside of my head that I know of. The best I can explain her is that she stays hidden and is terrified of...

@jandal Let me know how things go, I'd love to talk to someone as they go through this process, and it sounds like we are kinda at the same place with things. The idea of it COMPLETELY freaks me out. I refuse to be crazy, flat out refuse. One session she point blank asked me if "I'm the only...

You know, I'm not sure if what you are describing is at abnormal at all. Usually when I'm dealing with negative self-talk, especially when it's just me thinking in my head, my therapist always asks whose voice I'm hearing. If I'm thinking, "I'm fat, I'm disgusting, I have absolutely no...

I'm pretty sure I'm humanly incapable of lying (or at least doing a good job of it)....and it sucks. When I try to lie my face turns bright red and I can't look at the person. Usually, instead of the truth, I just refuse to answer the question. Which my therapist has ohhh so wonderfully used to...

Don't worry too much. Self-harm is really common with PTSD, so I don't think she will be too surprised by it. Not admitting to things is also, I'm pretty sure the absolute norm. The things you are ashamed of or run from the most, are the very things you will keep private until a certain level...

I'm kinda in that same weird spot. Things have come up in the area of sex, and I WON'T go there. I know how dysfunctional that aspect of my life is. My therapist keeps knocking on that door, but I will not go there, so we move on to something else. She suspects, I know, and maybe eventually...

I just started one, so.... Here's my take and personal experience. First, I write A LOT, especially for myself and in a private journal. If I don't have a journal, I'll grab scrap pieces of paper and throw it away when I finish. I just need space to articulate my inner experience and...

I saw the school therapist on Friday, and I don't know, it was kinda helpful but not a lot. The one big thing she did tell me, is that if I need to take my planning periods to calm down and refocus that's okay. So long as the work gets done somewhere at some time, it doesn't really matter if...

Tomorrow is a bit frightening. I'm not sure if I made a mistake or not. I am a teacher, and the school psychologist also works with faculty and staff if they request it. Because I knew I was getting back into emdr, I went back and forth debating if I should message her. Functioning at work and...

I love the idea of calling it by something else, and maybe that is the best place for me to start. Baby steps. It will hopefully make it feel less frightening. I think, to know that there are parts of me that exist separately and hold separate memories, feels a bit violating in a way. To...

I love the idea of a trauma diary. I write all of the time, so having somewhere to put it all seems therapeutic. I've only had ptsd for a couple years, and I'm still struggling to learn how to cope. Despite the ptsd diagnosis, I've probably suffered from minor ptsd symptoms since childhood...

I've been wanting to. My husband, however, is not supportive in this endeavor, so Ive been putting it off. Maybe I wont anymore? I definitely need to sit with my thoughts and feelings a bit so that I can verbalize what it is that I want/need.

Omg, I've run this possible scenario over in my head a thousand times over, and have always thought that if my abuser shows up, I'm packing up and moving as far away as I can feasibly get. My husband has reacted to with anger, saying that I can't keep letting him win and that I need to learn to...

I've been struggling in general with religion. It seems to be something that is supposed to help a person, but in many ways I feel it has hurt me more than help. And I come from a Catholic home. I'm not sure, it's something I've been meaning to reflect on and sort through my own feelings. I...