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On a similar note, this thread made me start to think about my childhood-if you can call it that. I remember sitting on the floor in my bedroom, alone, admitting to myself that "this is what life is going to be". Kind of like...giving up the fight. I gave up on myself. To this day, I find that...

Welcome to the forum, Phoebe

This all concerns me because it was what I went thru when I was growing up. I understand what the dissociation "could" be. However, if you don't have an idea what these "blackouts" are - be sure and get checked by a doctor. You want to be sure that these are not petite mal seizures. When I was...

Mine have always looked like I was "out of it" or "on cloud nine". I also notice that I quit talking or just walk away from the conversation/situation. One odd thing is that I sometimes lose my ability to speak. I have always wondered if it was because my trauma may have started very early in my...

I couldn't find a chat where there is more discussion about flashbacks - or lack of. Why don't I have them? I read about people remembering and having to deal with all the strong emotions and memories. However, I just know what happened - each time - with each person - in each place. Yet, I...

A box is a good idea. I have a room with the floor covered in papers. I have to pick them up and read/acknowledge them , then I can file it away in the appropriate drawer/folder. My papers will never go away, and I can certainly get to them if necessary. But once they have been filed--I find...

I agree with the others that it is not your place. I tried to tell my family and it caused a lot of problems, (and I was the person abused). By telling anyone else in the family, you are not only hurting yourself and your relationships, but other people as well. Remember that your mother may...

I've had people tell me to try yoga. But, just the thought of it makes me shake. I tried to do it once and all I got was more aware of my panic feelings inside! Is this what I was supposed to find?

It has always brought tears to my eyes to look in the mirror and see someone else. I mourn the poor little girl and wonder what she could have been.

Thanks for saying what you did. You helped me say the words inside me, and had not been able to create.

I can really relate to this. My "experiences" happened when I was so young that I only know the world as "a very dangerous place ". Then as I got older, they continued, leaving me to believe that I will never know who or what I was supposed to be like. I find this very sad.

One of my favorite sayings is that the only family that is "not" dysfunctional is "The Cleavers". Lol

Welcome. I can really relate with a lot of what you said. I too have been fighting with this for as long as I can remember. You're right about having to just "get on with life" I wish it was as easy as everyone else thinks it is. Welcome and I hope you find what you need here in the forum.

Beautiful Baby !!

Thanks, Stormfront. I really like how you said that. It explained a lot to me, about myself.

You can always write them down, then you can have the T read them. I'm sure that the T will understand why it is so difficult for you to say them. FYI - I still have not gone into any detail about mine either. Not even a T. When your ready - you will. Have faith in yourself.

Another suggestion that I was given was to write a letter to whom ever. Say anything you want to - anything. The idea is to get the anger and rage out of you. You don't deserve it and should not have it in you. I even had a friend tell me to write a letter to God. She explained to me that "he...

I understand some of what your feeling. I also have epilepsy and have been on many different prescriptions. There are a lot of people who don't understand what it is and are very uncomfortable even learning about it.

I tend to just give in. I decided a long, long time ago that I would rather lose then fight. The fighting and yelling in my childhood has taken it's toll on me and I just continue to lose. Anything than to fight or yell. No one "wins" a yelling contest.

. Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry that you went thru all those terrible situations. I know that you will find friends here.

Welcome to the forum ! I hope it helps you with your thoughts and feelings. I was very afraid to create a name and place for myself when I first found this site. (Much yet, talk.) However, I quickly discovered that it felt sooo good to find out that others felt like me - even if the...

I throw rocks out in the water. With all my might. Taking my anger out at the rock.

I always tell people that I have a website to go to for extra help. I have recommended this "safe place" to friends that I know who have similar issues. I feel it has helped me sooo much. I have not been able to afford therapy for quite a few years. So "thanks everyone" for helping me along and...

I would always recommend also telling your dentist - when you're ready. I have always had a terrible time at the dentist because of the position the chair sits when they clean my teeth. I had them take me to a separate office to talk. I explained a little of this, and why, to the dentist and...

I admire that you can do this. I know that, I will never get even an aknowlegment from any family members. I also have had four times when it was a stranger. The only way for me to put it behind me is to stop trying to find their faces in my memories and just convince myself that they are all...