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I've had a few movies really bother me. I can't usually figure out why. But I'm sure that it did, when I spend the next 3 days being very quiet and not eating much. I tend to watch a lot of movies that I know the end to. A lot of them are Disney movies, because of the music. When I was young...

I get very nervous listening to the crickets at night. I don't care much for light rain at night either. They both bring up bad memories. I have always been amazed how just sounds or smells can trigger memories.

A lot of people don't understand why I would want to go back. It was difficult at first, but I took a deep breathe and managed to go. I have gone back to almost all the places that "something" happened to me. I had to start with the … "least?" painful one. But, once I went, it amazed me what a...

I had so many people tell me that I was "messed up". (I have notes - in the doctors handwriting- of my dad telling him what a "handful I have always been". Then the doctor wrote down how "out of touch the parents are with their daughter".) I was less then 5 years old. I grew up blaming myself...

I actually prefer the phone. I have always hated how I look when I'm crying, (red eyes, tears streaming down my face, someone looking directly at me). So if the other person can't see me-I can cry or get up and walk around. I mentioned this to a T one day. She told me that it was perfectly okay...

That is one of my favorite parts/songs in my Disney collection. LOL

I actually told on my father. The whole family yelled at me and traumatized me further. So I started looking for proof for myself. I started reading books on what to look for, and signs to watch for in myself. Then slowly, as I got older. I decided that I wanted proof - for me- and me only. I...

I wish that I had someone to tell my story to. I had hoped that my husband would be that person. But, alas. He just says to 'forget about it. Put it behind you. It shouldn't bother you anymore." I wish it was that easy. I tried to explain to him that it is like a room with papers all over the...

Welcome to the forum. I hope that you find some comfort in the reading about others who understand your pain.

Oh, yes. I have always felt so alone in life. No matter how many friends I had. I watch other people - even my siblings. They all seem to be with lots of other people. While I seem to have no one. I reach out to find friends and then hope they will reach back - but no one does. Of course, this...

I learned to just look around the room and to assure myself that this is where I am now and that "it was all in the past". "They can't hurt you again -no one can". It may take a few minutes to convince myself and I may even get up and walk around or use the bathroom. But, it gets me thru it...

I really saw something about myself in your comments. I have noticed that after I leave a situation - like dinner with friends or family -I go home and I'm going thru the whole evening. I'm asking myself if I said this or that? Should I have put it this way? Should I not have talked about that...

Welcome to the forum. I'm glad you found us. We will be here when you need an ear to listen too. You may also find out that you are not alone in how you feel. Look around the website and read what you want too. Try to find things that will help you feel better about yourself and your situation...

I write mine down. Then I just put them away. I can forget - at least for a little while - that they are there. But, knowing that I can get to them if I need to just gives me a chance to not think about them for a little bit. I have had people tell me to get rid of all my journal and note...

I'm so sorry that you're going thru this.

Welcome to the forum. I agree with you about not wanting to cry in front of anyone. To cry is to make yourself open to "attack" so to speak. When I cry, I need to be alone. In hiding sometimes. Also remember that to cry is to grieve. Whether it is for yourself or anyone else. I grieve for the...

Thank you for starting this thread, ms spock. My father is celebrating his 93rd birthday this week. We're all taking him out to dinner to celebrate. While I was reading your thread, it really made me think... I don't really know how I will feel when he passes. I know that I will go to the...

I had to finally let myself cry. It was the only emotion that I was allowed to have when I grew up. I couldn't get angry or hit back. So I just went in a corner on the floor and cried. Because I learned to release any emotions thru crying, it is what I crave the most when I'm hurting. I do...

I have a lot of my memories from before I could speak also. As I grew older, I realized that a lot of my memories were just feelings. Even as an adult it can be hard for me to find the right words to describe what I remember.

Thank you sooo much for saying this ! I have a very hard time with anyone calling me "honey" (and "baby" or "sweetie") . I have had family members calling me this for years - then they hurt me. (grooming to the most degree) . When I hear it now, as an adult, I feel myself get very angry and it...

Welcome to the forum.

I also have a memory of being carried back to the other bedroom. I can even see myself being carried and by whom. I know that this is dissociation. But, I remember reading about the stages that your mind/body go thru as your being attacked. The panic. The "trying to escape", and finally the...

You're not alone. It took me years to convince myself that something had really happened at all. I started a journal, so I could put things down on paper when ever I remembered something, (in my own handwriting). I have to go back often just to convince myself that I'm not imagining all this. I...

My "closest" friend has seen me at my worst - and still loves me and wants to spend time with me. That acceptance is what I crave the most. To like me for being me. When I went to the hospital - most of my "close" friends disappeared into the wind. I look back and just wonder if they couldn't...

You said it very well, for me also. I don't think that I was ever safe. I have looked back and can remember sitting in the corner (hiding) in every room of our large house when I was growing up. Even in each of the closets. Sad :( What a sad memory for the house that I grew up in.