Confession: Every now and then I feel a little jealous of those with greater support.

[siniang]

The tricky part really is that "support" is a spectrum (I've been pondering over the question of "what is >support<" for the past 10 or so minutes reading all your replies) and that the grass is always greener on the other side.

I think it's perfectly normal and human to be jealous of things we need and cannot/don't have and perceiving others of having just that. Nothing to feel gross about. :hug:

 

[ladee]

It's hard to say if it was jealousy. I always felt sad and defeated. Like I was worthLESS. What was I doing wrong? Probably more self-pity than jealousy.

Not having support drove me to find solutions tho. I couldn't figure out how to have anyone in place other than 'paid' friends. (Therapists)

But that ended up adding to my 'I don't need anybody' noise in my head. Took a long time to know who to trust that I could have as safe support. I still fall short on that, except for here.

 

[Innordinate]

feel jealous of someone else who has a lot of safe support?

yup. jealous. yup.
and outside looking in i apparently have a great big huge support sytem- but it's a pure sham. They 'look' supportive to anyone on the outside- like they let me live here, they've given me XYZ all my life, they still give me XYZ...... but, not the actual support i need, just a bunch of materialistic garbage that helps nothing in the end.

my step- mom kinda tries, shes okay sometimes.
my dad smiles for the cameras but that's about it.

at least i have a p-doc i guess. and this place.

Especially when family members support each OTHER but not me.

this makes me insane- a little jealous but mostly just confused, and like pure shit - undeserving

not sure jealousy has ever made me feel gross though.... angry for sure.

I do get a lil' jealous when I see a big support system.. But on the other hand, it would drive me crazy.

truth! :laugh:

 

[The Albatross]

No I don't feel jealous with those who have better support. I make it my aim to meet my own personal support needs and build relationships with others. I just axed an 8 year relationship with a peer whose so enmeshed in her struggle she endeavored to do that to me... (my situation is unique/special/different... you have xyz, a partner, blah blah blah). In her drive to insist on our differences I elected to end the relationship.

 

[Tinyflame]

Ah- I think I've got part of the key to this, speaking for myself (I'm sorry if my words are clumsy atm).

I realize when I'm stressed out, or dealing with negatives, I start feeling very despairing about myself, my and the entire present, and the future- or conversely, fear, too, that one more drop of grief will make the dam burst, and I can't bear it- and then everything is internalized more negatively thereafter.

For (a silly) example, but it reminds me of 'supporters'/ relationships, I have to pass a wedding gown store fairly routinely: one day I think, 'what is wrong with me- or there is so much wrong with me'. Another I think, I'm not jealous of spouses, but of the happiness and their opportunity to break from sorrow or loss. Another day, I might think, 'OMG- bondage' (not the good kind lol); another time I think the mannequin staging looks funny- they're all headless like that zombie movie with the brides in the ripped gowns. :laugh: Another day I just decide if I like the styles or not. Most days I don't even notice the store is there.

So really, as the example applies (for me) to anything and everything, when I am frightened I see 'negative' everywhere, when I feel better I just 'see', and I'm happy for others, or don't really even notice, am just thankful for what I have or have had.

Because I rarely at any time, see it as grass is greener about anything, because so many people seem unhappy (?); but I tend to feel more like grass-vs-my-grass-is-on-fire, when I'm really symptomatic, or terrified. And then it's just a fast slide to despair, self-hatred, shame, aloneness,, isolation, giving up, and tossing everything out.

Hope that makes sense! ??

 

[Teasel]

Every now and then I feel.a little jealous of those with greater support - For sure yes. I'm perfectly happy they have it, and don't resent them having it at all. But it is painful not having it, being this lonely, and sometimes seeing how supported others are brings that pain into really sharp focus.

 

[Strugglingsaks]

Do you ever feel jealous of someone else who has a lot of safe support?

It’s not often I feel this, only once in a blue moon.... but I have felt it lately. It’s not helpful. I’m trying to reframe it as yeah, I should examine any changes I can make to bring more of xyz into my life because that would be cool...

But I realized today, I’m a little angry/jealous too. It feels gross. Yeah, yeah, I know that I don’t really know they have it better.

Anyone else?

i feel that too. i get some support but not nearly what i need, and i cant help but feel jealous of people who dont have to go through it alone... it often feels like I literally am the only one who cares enough about my well being and when i dont care then no one else cares either.... i think its only human to be a little jealous or angry because i think we should ALL have a complete support system....

 

[katz]

Do you ever feel jealous of someone else who has a lot of safe support?

It’s not often I feel this, only once in a blue moon.... but I have felt it lately. It’s not helpful. I’m trying to reframe it as yeah, I should examine any changes I can make to bring more of xyz into my life because that would be cool...

But I realized today, I’m a little angry/jealous too. It feels gross. Yeah, yeah, I know that I don’t really know they have it better.

Anyone else?

Oh, yes. I have always felt so alone in life. No matter how many friends I had. I watch other people - even my siblings. They all seem to be with lots of other people. While I seem to have no one. I reach out to find friends and then hope they will reach back - but no one does. Of course, this just makes it hurt more.

I started going to church, hoping to find some safer friends there. No luck. I even started a yarn club - but no one seemed to want to get closer. After 5 years, I quit going. Unable to afford T, I just go on with life. I try to read a lot about PTSD to help myself. But, it's lonely. My pets help a lot. They don't question me and just love me for who I am.

 

[Flower_day]

Struggling today as have had no support for 18 months.

I tried to find a Counsellor yesterday,
but they are all on holidays, and two Charities said they cannot help until September.

So much stuff has come up for me this Summer, and I really feel I cannot manage alone.

Also, so many Charities locally but so few willing to actually give support, and listening ear.
It is so hard to find anyone.
We also have had a problem with confidentiality with some Charities,..small town!
So I am wary of going to just anyone.

 

[TruthSeeker]

Yep, I've been here with just 1 trusting person-who knows about the PTSD and other MH stuff. I worked very hard to keep boundaries with her even, so not to wear out our long term friendship.....she's not my counselor but its my best friend....but there have been times that she'd move over into the role of counselor...and we talk. Like to keep her around....so I try to keep therapy topics (my deepest and darkest shit) to myself....don't need her worrying. I do look at other people who appear to have more support in their lives, but the quality of that support isn't necessarily any better than mine....maybe the amount and type of support is, though. I do believe that it only takes one other kind and caring person to be there.....to heal.

I have a number of women I see monthly-human contact over music, but very few people I tell my PTSD and other MH stuff to. I like it this way...forces me to think about the things I enjoy and have in the here and now, the people I do have NOW ...and helps reduce the number of times I roll in my own puddle of pity. I also recognize that these same people may not be around in 10 years, but if I work at increasing my social life....maybe someone else will. I come here and that helps a lot, too. Thanks....good thread.

 

[Flower_day]

It is good that you do so much Therapy on your own. I do try to do that too, but it only carries me so far. At the moment I feel I need to speak to someone, as it is overwhelming these last few days.