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It sounds to me what you are looking for is purpose. I could be wrong. What you say about dishonest people making their way to the top while you try to operate from an angle of integrity and are punished for it. This is sadly the way of the world. You cant change who you are and while its a...

@windswept I'm not sure why others have decided to shift the blame onto you. It was very gracious of your to clarify their misunderstandings of your post. There are always miscommunications in text. I just want to remind you that the way this guy behaved was abusive and is NOT ok. You came here...

I missed this before writing my previous comment. If this is the case then you did the right thing to leave. If you feel threatened always leave. This is not ok. I don't think he is pretending to have PTSD to use you as a booty call. He would need to be a pretty good actor to pull that off. But...

It sounds like he is doing all of the right things to aid his recovery. That is a really positive thing. What happened when you were having sex is called a Flashback and is a common symptom for people who have PTSD. You did your best but a different approach might have been better. If you are...

Shame is only appropriate if you have deliberately harmed someone's well being. You are right not to be ashamed for your having a sex with other consenting adults.

You don't know if he has PTSD but even if he does that doesn't make it ok to hurt you in this way. Unmanaged, PTSD can be very complicated, even dangerous. His behaviour towards you is unhealthy and you've only just met him. You are confused and hurt now, and this is only the beginning. Imagine...

I'd never heard of Complex PTSD until recently. Based on what I've read, PTSD can occur after an isolated traumatic experience, or as a result of multiple traumatic experiences. The term, Complex PTSD is used to describe PTSD that has occurred because of continuous traumas which, happened...

I enjoyed this video and thought it might be interesting for some. Ref

I used to get it a lot too and still occasionally. Its best to have the heart stuff checked by your doctor. My tests came back clear but it doesn't hurt to rule out any other any medical causes.

I'm not surprised about caffeine. Have you seen the spider web experiment? I try to give up caffeine but get really bad headaches when I do. That is alarming on its own lol.

All the best. I hope it works well for you. Its ok to be nervous I was too and it was hard but so worth it!

If he wants to support you then he will be able to understand and respect your boundaries. Maybe a few suggestions as to how he can support you in other ways would help to feel like he is contributing. It could be something simple like running an errand for you or cooking you a nice meal.

I agree with what others have said. Look after yourself. You've already been through so much and seeing his face must have been such a shock alone. You said you would want to know if you were dating a rapist. I would want to know too but on the other hand would never blame a victim for not...

Yes it is normal. I was told its the bodies way of getting all the shit out!

I would be honest with him and say that while you really appreciate his support there are things that you don't wish to reveal just yet. You are entitled to make that decision. Its his job to respect that. Did he say why he wants to accompany you to the doctor?

How beautiful! We dont get snow where I live but I've always loved the idea of a white Christmas!

Congratulations. Its glad to know that you have something's to look forward to. Good luck with your competition.

Boxing bag?

It sounds like you have had some major changes in your life recently. I'm glad you have been able to write down how you feel about it all. I read the whole thing and wanted to let you know that its Its ok to still love your Dad and to miss him. Its ok to admit that you have these feelings. I...

I'm not sure if a book can save your marriage. It sounds like your husband really doesn't get it or he could just be exhausted. It can be emotionally difficult to support someone with PTSD. Having PTSD means you cant just "switch off" the fear. If you could none of us would be here writing in...

The maternal and child bond is very strong (at least its suppose to be). Since children are dependant on their main caregiver for basic survival, and influenced on a whole range of other important things including, love, growth and emotional development, its not surprising the need to connect...

Following this thread because I'm also looking for some book recommendations. Particularly on parenting with PTSD. Although I cant offer you any suggestions I just wanted to say that I am a Mum too and reading your story made me sad. I wish that someone could have stepped in and cared for you...

I think your feelings are just as valid and as important as his. If you are really unhappy about something discuss it with him.

@Neverthesame and @Laurie McLaughlin how are things now (if its ok to ask)?

I think its an instinctive soothing technique. People do it to babies when trying to calm them or put them to sleep. Ive also seen people do it when they hug. I used to do it when I was younger. Seems completely normal to me.