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I feel I am taking my life in my hands when I take big pills like paracetamol. I've choked so many times. Mostly I'll just put up with the headache.

My mom was schizophrenic. Sometimes the psychiatrists were trying to kill me, sometimes I was a Nazi spy, sometimes mom was just angry about nothing, sometimes I was the center of the universe. I believe the worst damage was done before I could even talk - maybe that's why my Presences are...

I try to think in terms of simple materialism, so I feel the experiences I have are the product of my mind. This can mean a negative pattern of dismissing my feelings as merely crazy, so i am trying to find a less rigid / richer way of thinking about this stuff.

I can only get through my encounters with the presence by dissociating. I feel the encounters can do real damage to me. After one bad encounter I was psychotic for months. I do feel that my terror comes from trauma and my fear of "madness" (even though that train left the station long ago!)...

Since I was small I have had a powerful sense of a hostile supernatural presence nearby. Alone, or in the dark, the terror was unbearable and I thought my mind would break. "Mind would break" wasn't just words, the fear was so bad that on a few occasions I have literally "seen" the presence with...

I can feel irritation or annoyance on a moral or practical level, but don't get angry when I am being used or my boundaries are being crossed. Mostly my response is to try to be helpful. Afterwards I logically recognize I should have been angry, and that makes me feel real grief - but no anger...

I'm 56 and still regularly wetting the bed. I think I have had CPTSD symptoms as long as I can remember, as far back as my earliest memories.

Hi, I know what you mean about memory. My mom's psychotic episodes and suicide attempts were a recurring feature of my youth, but I remember very little about it. My brothers seem less affected by it but seem to have complete memories.

Welcome!

My first client.

It's hard coming back from a breakdown. I'm sorry you feel so alone.

Years ago, I was targeted for relentless harassment by a group of transphobic youths. They would call me a pedo, make offensive gestures and even throw rocks at me. The local police did not take effective action. Eventually the adults in the neighborhood joined in. I couldn't move away because...

I have been struggling with my internal critic lately. I made two big discoveries (or rediscoveries) this year. Firstly, I realized I am intersex. Secondly, I suffered a brain injury as a newborn. But my critic has been working overtime to undermine this. I have had a demeaning doubt loop...

For example, I no longer drive because I don't feel I could do it safely. I told myself at the time it was because my anxiety was too severe. I would be driving and trying all sorts of mental techniques to keep myself calm. But what I was really doing was ignoring the strong sense that driving...

I've talked about it with my family. I am thinking of speaking to my doctor, but there are no treatments. Autism and anxiety go together very often. I am taking antipsychotics and antidepressants that help a lot. But what I've realized is that some of the things I struggle with are not caused...

I was shocked to learn the other day that 50% of kids with my background will have permanent neurological consequences. So I have gone from "there must be something wrong / no i am imagining it" to realizing that a neurological issue is the most likely explanation. I have severe anxiety from...

I was one of the last generation of children to be born with Rh disease before the widespread availability of preventative treatments. I was born premature and blue and needed substantial blood transfusions to prevent bilirubin toxicity. I certainly avoided the worst effects, but I do think my...

I have SDAM, so my relationship to memory is flipped. My memories are different in form to neurotypical people, and I don't have the sense that they represent a "truth". I can't write it with a voice of "this is how things were, in this sequence" but more like "I have these floating scraps of...

Also this week I reached 10,000 words on my anti-memoir. 40,000 more to go -- eek!

The course wasn't for any particular language, but I'll be teaching English.

Today I completed and passed a language teaching course.

I felt like the Sun had vanished from the sky when my father died, and I felt relief when my mother died.

I have had psychotic episodes in my life following stressful events, but I wouldn't say those events were worse than the childhood stuff that gave me CPTSD. The childhood events were far worse, and while I didn't go psychotic during them, I think they gave me the vulnerability I have now as an...

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