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Thank you @Freddyt I really appreciate all the support you've given. I did manage to make a few more calls. So after the really crappy experience my last steroid injection, I told my doctor I wanted to see someone else. Which is a step for me instead of just accepting the orignal referral...

I am 51. Really just started getting into relationships about 5 or so years ago? And ... I will deny this later (haha) but my current relationship is on a completely different level. It's healthy, loving and becoming more serious. In past relationships I've kept a lot of my issues hidden. I'm...

I'm low on words but just wanted to say I am so sorry you went through that. It sounds truly horrible.

I swear to God this process is going to break me. my unregulated response is to say maybe I should just accept I'm meant to live like this. I should just stop trying to get my back fixed stop whining just be fine I know that's me being unregulated. I know I should keep making phone calls and...

Hi and welcome I am ftm/non-binary and have DID, so you aren't alone in that. I hope you find lots of support here.

The more I think about it, the more I expect that insurance will deny another steroid injection. So, that might change my plan a bit. Questions for my doctor Why do you recommend fusion over something like a discectomy? Since you've recommended spinal fusion, does this mean my spine is...

hehe, this actually makes me giggle a bit. Rather to the point. Yes. Definitely keep flipping into avoidance mode. Of course :P /// Been having a lot of doubts about if fusion is the right surgery. Guess I have a plan of sorts. Wait and see if the steroid injection helps at all. Because that...

You are dealing with a lot of really hard things. I am sorry you are struggling so much. It's not surprising. Posting here and journalling can help. Are there any support groups for refuges where you are at? That might be something else you can try. It's going to take time to feel safe again.

Guess the doctor's appointment has upset us? That combined with our guinea pig being sick is too much maybe. We kind of shutdown or something. The news is what we feared and suspected. He thinks a fusion is what I need. As much as I don't want that, it's a big, freaking surgery, I am sort of...

In a way, it doesn't matter if it was abuse or not. It was harmful to you and that's what matters. Processing through that harm is what will put you on the path to healing. A therapist would best help you sort out what parts of your experience were abusive. It was clearly unhealthy and...

Tomorrow is my appointment with my surgeon. I didn't ask my friend to come with me. I don't know. She didn't offer so I didn't ask. Now I'm getting nervous. I feel like I should have planned out questions but that never seems to work for me. I'm getting nervous for the appointment.

As far as why you are having the dreams, that's hard to say for sure. And probably something to keep working on with your therapist. Something that my old therapist had me do, to help make dreams less traumatizing is to rework them. Like after you wake up, change the dream. So imagine yourself...

Well, my guinea pig got super sick. Got home about 4am last night from the emergency vet. Headed there after work yesterday. (She's doing ok). I'm putting a positive spin on it. Thank goodness it happened now, not just after surgery. I just sat down after doing stuff and thought, "I am not in...

It worked!! I left a message with his staff and I now have an appointment for Thursday! I can't even express how relieved I am. And also pleased with myself. I actually did it. Interesting. I don't really think of the things I'm not getting done as burdens. But if I think about getting help...

Ok Friday, thanks for that. (And oof). Ok, first- called the Surgeon's office and left a message with his assistant. See if I can get in sooner. If not, well, I'll try calling regularly to see if there's any cancellations. (They don't have a cancel list). It seems incredibly needy and wrong to...

Congrats on being sober. That is a huge success. I am also a huge fawner. And I get very angry with myself over it. I can relate so much to this. I guess the way to look at it, is that you went to those personality traits. Not everyone who has trauma is kind and considerate or jovial. Some...

Are you in therapy? You need to be. You need to work on your issues. That should come before you get back in a relationship with her or anyone. Learn how to have healthy boundaries. Learn how to manage your emotions better. Don't focus on her trauma. Focus on what's going on with you. Good...

I am glad you had a good supportive chat today with the person from that group. You are allowed to feel what you feel. The feelings are yours. It's hard but try not to judge your feelings

Thanks @Freddyt I appreciate the advice. My dog is no good at dog parks. He gets overstimulated and can be a bit aggressive. And off leash areas I have to walk to because he won't leave my side. But it does remind me I can set up a doggy play date for him Are you ok @Defaultxlove

Note to self look at how quickly the disappointment/frustration/etc turned into self-hate. That's what we need to work on. I feel like he said to call his PA/nurse. I almost asked him to clarify that but I didn't. And now I'm all mad at myself because I didn't. And because I think it *might* be...

Yes, I think you are right @StillPen. Ended up watching a movie with my boyfriend last night which helped Exactly this. Sorry you had to have your eye ennucleated. // Spinning out a bit. Got the MRI scheduled for next Monday. Am excited it's that soon. Called to schedule the next appointment...

Had my doctor appointment. I like my surgeon and he explained things well. Yes, I will be getting surgery but the type and when is still unknown. He wants me to do another MRI this time with dye. And then there will be another appointment with him where we will do x-rays again (standing up) and...

Appointment is tomorrow. I should (yes, more shoulds) come up with a list of questions but my brain just keeps skittering away Oh. This is super helpful and kind of big. I think there's layers in there that I need to dig into when I can think. My brain sort of went "Aha! That's what I've been...

@Skywatcher The way I'm reading it, he thinks it was the 15 year old he was sitting next to. // Ok, what you did isn't good. You know that. You are doing what you need to do, in working at getting sober and working through things here. Are you in therapy, because that would be important too. I...

This is interesting work you are doing. It's something T has been trying to get me to work on. I'd add in fear. I think that's a big one.