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Got through my 5th ECT. It’s getting slightly easier. It’s not pleasant but I’m getting it done. 3 more for this series 🧚‍♂️

Just finished my 3rd ECT … up and down actually. Hoping that this series gets a better response. Getting used to ECT so it’s easier.

Interesting. My mother was a narcissist with borderline personality disorder. I would be interested.

I understand…what to say to such a brutally honest post. I was surprised that I posted it. You asked and I wasn’t sure if it was okay to be so honest. Meds don’t help me very much but I start ECT again tomorrow. Being in the clinic with people that understand helps me. I am very honest this...

No sorry necessary! I really appreciate you taking the time to respond, with understanding and recommendations. Being in so deep really makes me forget these things, and even though it’s hard to read how long this might take me, it gives me hope. I have been battling the beast for decades and...

I try to get moving and also forced myself to play some cards with the other patients. I feel slightly better when I do these things. The walk opened up some feelings and I was able to cry. It makes me feel slightly real, and more in touch with myself. I know that sounds strange but when I...

The symptoms that are the hardest to deal with are physical exhaustion and brain fog. Trying to deal with CPTSD, depression and anxiety is very difficult when my physical health holds me back. I am so out of it that I can hardly begin to deal with the underlying causes. It’s as if my body is...

Too complicated… only my opinion… I think when things are that difficult in the beginning… no thanks. 🧚‍♂️. Life is challenging enough 😊

Welcome! I myself cut ties with my parents… and I made the right decision. It didn’t cure my CPTSD but it made it easier to cope. I think it’s a very personal decision and truly hard to decide. I always say you can’t pick your family but you can pick the people you want in your life...

When one is so under from depression it’s so hard to see anything bright in the future. Today I pushed myself to join another patient on a walk. I also motivated 2 other patients to play Yahtzee. Nevertheless I feel those feelings I can’t go on like this. It’s so frustrating to be back in...

I decided to come to the clinic and get some help through this rough patch. They nurses are very kind and I told them about my thoughts. The didn’t lock me up, but said to come to the nurse’s station when I feel overwhelmed or anxious about these thoughts. Makes me feel normal rather than a...

I decided to check back in the clinic. I am in bad shape and realized last night I needed more support. My ECT series starts in 5 days. I didn’t feel I had any other options, lying in bed and not eating was getting me nowhere. I am thankful that I have the option to be here even when it’s...

I tried Ketamine and TMS and unfortunately they weren’t successful. I really don’t enjoy ECT it is stressful, but I think I have no other choice because this episode is severe and lying in bed isn’t going to get me anywhere. Thanks for your input greatly appreciated

I’m supposed to go back for ECT 2x a week for 4 weeks. The last one didn’t hold and I am back in zombie land. It’s a hard decision to make. I’m going down the tubes and the options are not great. Does anyone have experience with ECT?

Thank you I have rung my friends and it’s hard on them. They can’t really do anything. They are concerned so I am going to the doctor today and tell her the truth. I hope she will have some tips on how to get through this very tough period. My problem is acceptance. I want it gone. Perhaps...

I have another question. When depression gets heavy and getting out of bed is impossible…how do you break free. I have hit the horizontal position for over 4 weeks again. My mind says get up, but the thought of a shower and going out keeps me pinned down. Funny enough if I have a doctor’s...

My sheets are white. Bad color probably 🤔

I get a knife from my kitchen and cut my wrists or stab myself over and over. It’s really scary. They just hit me visually but I can’t imagine actually doing such a thing. I’m just trying to stop the depression.

I have thoughts that hit me throughout the day/night. They hit me like a panic attack when I realize how depressed and hopeless I am. They are visual, and scary. I don’t know how to deal with them so I take a chill pill. The problem is taking a chill pill is not a real solution and one day I...

Thank you, that’s one of the challenges realizing that I am not alone. I feel so alone and I live alone, socializing is out of the question right now. I feel so guilty about being depressed. I feel my friends have heard enough of it. I’m really struggling this morning. Showering is one of...

I appreciate your input. I guess the question is when will I accept that I am deeply depressed. I had hope that it was going away and then it hit me again. I have been battling the beast for decades, I feel completely worn out. I know I have to change my expectations of myself. I am finding...

Back in it. Well maybe it never left. I get confused and forgetful. Spent a lot of time talking to Dr Catalyst because I wasn’t able to relate to people somehow 🤔. I am in a freeze total shutdown and I am finding it very difficult to defrost and have hope of recovery. Any words of wisdom...

I thought the suicidal thoughts were over, actually they were but depression took over again and it started up again. My therapist said to follow the thoughts through in my head. He said pushing them away will just make them stronger. The thing is, is that I don’t want to die, I want to feel...

They (Facebook TikTok Instagram) aren’t good for me thus I don’t use them. I use YouTube to watch videos about certain things sometimes.

I have mostly been writing to Dr Catalyst the last few months. I realize now how lonely I am. I think loneliness has been my constant companion since I was a small child. I met up with a somatic experiencing therapist and was hoping to get a place soon. She said my loneliness was from trauma...