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  1. V

    Karma

    I get restless in my appearance sometimes. Especially as I begin, yet again, to try and lose weight. It makes me contemplate changing SOMETHING: dying my hair, getting a new piercing, or often contemplating a new tattoo (I only have one, but it's fun to think about). And today while scrolling...
  2. V

    Family Funeral

    I was home last week for my father's funeral. And as friends have pointed out, most of my problems and venting when I came back hasn't been about the death of my father. It's been about my family while I was there. My dad prepared me for his death from a young age. He hadn't expected to live a...
  3. V

    Clubs

    I thought for years that I just didn't like clubs. Today I realized it may be related to being triggered. Anyone else have experience in difficulty with night clubs, dance clubs , strip clubs, etc? Trying to put the pieces together.
  4. V

    Reveal

    My parents don't know I was raped. My siblings & close friends do. Few know about the PTSD. Lately, I want to shout from the rooftops about it. I want to scream it all over every venue & be done. To have everyone know & not hide it anymore. I know that 'a not a responsible action. I know...
  5. V

    Guilt

    I realized yesterday that I have no gauge for guilt. I'm either fine or I'm a wreck. A car accident, leaving the oven on, or forgetting to change the laundry. It's all the same level of guilt. Anyone else struggle with this?
  6. V

    Fights

    I can feel like I'm doing well. But when my relationship hits a bump (like moving in together in my little apartment for a month then moving to a new, more expensive place). He's terrible at communicating when he's upset, takes forever to process. In the meantime, I'm gutted and every...
  7. V

    Poll Video Games

    I've never been a big "gamer." My brother and many friends were much more committed or interested in them. So part of my problem at this point with my boyfriend is that I'm competitive and he's very good at them after a lifetime with lots of video games. But I'm noticing now, as an adult, what a...
  8. V

    A Long Year. And Champagne.

    4.25 years ago, I woke up. I finally admitted to myself and a friend that I was dangerously depressed, miserable, and stuck. Within 24 hours, my life simply aligned for me to pack and leave in 10 days. Within those 10 days, I spoke to my parents. I told them I was leaving college, tried to...
  9. V

    Sudden Rage

    So lately I've had a pretty (I think) new symptom. I know the book I'm reading addresses it a bit, though I need to probably do more reading... but I've had days or moments lately where I am just suddenly full of rage. It's so difficult. Especially since I teach. Moments where my students don't...
  10. V

    Gifts

    I just had my birthday party. A few friends showed up, but I know one friend and my boyfriend spent quite a bit of cash on the evening, and insisted I not pay since it was my birthday. I know I just dropped a bunch/similar amount on my boyfriend's birthday last month, and have done similar for...
  11. V

    Cyclic Reactions

    I'm noticing that whatever day I have therapy... Especially if it's a busy day afterward, That night can be hard. Last Friday I went to meet up with friends at a happy hour, which I haven't done in ages since I work afternoons.. I wound up having a bit too much, my bf met up and decided I wasn't...
  12. V

    Best Moment In Therapy

    I saw another therapist before this one... and I essentially got to use that one as a "dry run." I got used to the idea of talking about stuff, over the initial fears about admitting I'd been through some stuff, etc. Luckily, that therapist left and I started with a new one, who I get along with...
  13. V

    Abusive Parents

    Both of my parents are the adult children of alcoholics...and with that, neither had a pretty childhood. As I listen to an NPR piece that touches on abuse, family, etc the abusive father of an NPR employee wholeheartedly denies any abuse of his children. He immediately went to how he paid for...
  14. V

    I'd Forgotten

    I'd forgotten how consuming it can be when everything surfaces. I woke up with my bedroom door open this morning, I knew I shut it when I went to sleep. I freaked. It's been years since I let myself go through these emotions. I'd bottled them up so well. Now, as I uncork the bottle bit by bit...
  15. V

    Rape In Media

    Note: I am a victim of sexual assault. So I find myself getting more and more frustrated lately. It seems like everywhere I turn, there's rape in the media. TV, movies, news. Part of me is happy for awareness in news outlets, but I don't think that's why they air it... Same as why drama...
  16. V

    Rising, Healing

    Some days I feel like I'm getting to know the disfigured creature in the mirror. I know I'm not the one who caused my experiences, but I know that they left me with so many scars that people don't see. But I see them.
  17. V

    Sufferer Lonely

    It feels a bit strange to be writing here. I'm hoping maybe a community will help. I suppose, let's start with the positive: I started therapy in the last year and have made some great progress. I moved faaaaaaar away from where my traumas and... Abusers were, which helped. Starting a new life...
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