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I think I can be free from the fear of my cousin ever touching me again. As kids he would touch in places I did not want to be touched. He put different objects inside of me, and had me giving him blow jobs at the age of seven. Even as adults he would grab my breast, my butt or kiss me on the...

The anniversary of the worst assault is coming up. I feel anxious, sad, nervous, and angry. I never do well around the anniversaries of my assaults. One is in April, and one is in May. I just feel like I just need a break. It has been so hard. Although my Mom and I did not have the greatest...

I have been battling my depression really bad for the past several months. My therapist said she would like for me to be tested for bipolar disorder. She explained to me that she believes the trauma I have experienced has caused this. First of all, I had no idea trauma could do that. I thought...

I feel like I constantly fight a battle with myself. I put a smile on my face when I go to work but when I come home I am so sad, and lonely. Despite our past I spoke to my Mom often. She passed away in October and I am so lost. I don't know if it matters any more. My daughter is 17 and the only...

I am so frustrated with the constant roller coaster. I feel ok for a few days and then something happens or someone says something that triggers me and then I hate myself again I and I just want to eat and lay in bed while reading. Crying for no reason and everything irritating me. Sleeping...

My therapist wants me to do EMDR therapy for four weeks and then come back to her. I have read on EMDR therapy and it really scares me. Another thing is I really can't afford another therapy. I am not sure what will happen if i can't do it. She just said she believes it would help me...

The anniversary of one of the most painful sexual assaults is near. The guy that assaulted me is in prison for murder but that does not help me. I am trying to ignore the flashbacks and nightmares but I am failing. I keep telling myself that it is over and he can't get to me and things he told...

I have been struggling so bad lately with many things. I have always had a hard time crying in therapy and today I could not stop myself. My therapist cried too. She said she knew it was bad but did not realize how broken I really felt. I am upset with myself because although I am sure people...

My therapist and I have been working on me talking about me being molested. I was in session today and told her how I have to contact the cousin that done this to me because he is the one that needs to get me information so I can get his grandmother (my great aunt) to the city I live in. I am so...

This is the first time I have tried to be completely honest in therapy and I don't want to do it anymore. Remembering the childhood abuse, the rapes, the boss that made me give him blow jobs and hand jobs, the abusive relationship is all to much for me. I have a journal specifically for therapy...

My therapist agreed with me that maybe I should take a break from digging so deep and dealing with all of the mixed emotions. In therapy we talked about how I feel after hard sessions, what I can do to help myself get peace, and things to remember after hard sessions. I can honestly say that I...

Ever since my Mom told me it was ok for cousin to touch me and make me touch him I have struggled. She said it was childhood experimenting. It happened for a few years. Anyway...I have not talked to anyone about until I started therapy. I asked my therapist if she believes me and she said yes. I...

Do you ever feel like you just can't? No words, no feelings, nothing...You just can't. :cry:

I really am sorry if I sound like a broken record but therapy is so hard right now. I have a therapy journal now and I write my feelings down or what is going on and we focus on what I have written. It is easier then actually telling her but the catch is I have answer all of her questions. I...

It is getting harder for me to hide my depression. My house is not clean, I no longer make my bed, my office desk is so unorganized. It all just makes me even sadder (if that is word). I love my house clean and getting into a freshly made bed. I do my laundry and leave it in the hamper and I...

I went to my therapist's office and the receptionist was not at her desk. As I am waiting more and more people were coming in. I cannot handle being in a small room with a lot of people. The receptionist finally tells me she will let her know I was there but I still waited for 15 mins. My...

I have been really struggling this week but today I actually had a great day. My birthday is this week and my family had a really big surprise party for me. I love to roller skate so it was a surprise skating party. My podiatrist told me no more speed skates so my parents and my daughter bought...

My abuser would always say don't tell anyone or you will get in trouble. I did tell once but it was pretty much ignored. I did not tell again, several years went by and he would tell me this everytime he climbed in bed woth me. Currently I feel his voice haunts me at night telling me not to...

I am really struggling with staying in the present today. I just keep having flash backs of my ex tying me to the bed with my backside up and hitting me with a belt and then turning me over and having sex with me because that is what he wanted. I hate this so much!!! I am so frustrated because I...

Sitting in therapy I just wanted to cry but I couldn't. I left and felt even worse. I literally just want to bawl my eyes out. I feel so bad right now. Driving past one of the places several assaults happened does not help me at all. I just want to crawl in a hole right now and cry until I can't...

The last few nights I have gotten at least 7 hours of sleep. No nightmares but that has stopped. Here it is 4:30 am and I am awake. Shakey, tears flowing from my eyes, and heart racing like I just ran 5 miles. No way am I going back to sleep. It is going to be a long day. Do you always wake up...

Yesterday I knew that therapy was going to be hard as it always is but it wasn't. My therapist said that I struggle with trust, and shame really bad so we are trying a different approach. We are going to work onto one event at a time but if I start to get panicky we will take a break. I have to...

Do the nightmares stop? Will I be able to sleep again without being afraid? I just feel like I am constantly dreaming about things that have happened. I am not sure if there is a way to make them less or better yet go away.

I really wish I could talk about the sexual abuse that happened to me as a child. My therapist wants me to go into detail and verbally tell her every incident I remember. I just cant, we have tried so many different things. I get started talking about an incident and I go into a panic attack and...

I know that these questions cannot be answered by anyone here but... Why did my Mom say it was ok for my cousin to hurt me? I told her that he put his hand in my panties. She said that is ok, he is just a curious boy. He told me no one would believe me. He said I could not cry or I would get...