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I'm having a hard time being sober and dealing with memories and dreams,

I've found the process of being "decommissioned" and put on leave almost as dehumanizing and traumatic as anything eles. I f*cking struggled and worked hard to get where I was, paid my union dues and above and beyond put in my time and feel like I've been tied up and kicked in balls a millon...

Ok, so over the years I've permanently modified my appearance to a certian degree, I don't have any regrets at all towards it, but now when I notice that people are potentially en gaurde, even especially shopping for groceries when I turn the isle, and sometimes people actually freeze up like...

I havn't watched TV in years, I'm cat sitting and watching a dirty harry marathon on AMC, lol, anyone eles numbing there brain with the boob toob?

I'm scared to make a diary, I write quite a bit and have shared some of it with my T, who encourages me to think about working up to sharing some of the things I write about but am beyond horrified by this, after I write something I put it away and never look at it again. I'm affraid to be...

Ok so I have some baggage, abandonded at birth, csa that started before I had memories and continued til was old enough to hit the street, then dealing with the violence and everything eles that goes along with that piece, when I got up into my late twenties I tried to access therapy but found...

Something I've realized lately is the fact that I tend to get involed in unhealthy relationships as a method of combating loneliness, all kinds of relationships, sexual, platonic, whatever, I hate being alone, but since my last breakdown and finally basically being forced to get help, and trying...

Being in a personal time of processing, reflection, therapy and treatment I'm starting to feel that most of my anxiety is derived from a lack of self trust/self doubt unsure to trust my intuition, which oddly I relied on heavily to survive and was pretty spot on, being a lifelong sufferer of...

So how's that working out for anyone eles? Better than me I'd hope, at least when I'm self medicating I sleep and am functional, I finally agreed to go on meds after years of refusing them and my T doesn't want to prescribe me anything as I've started EMDR and want to see how I respond to...

I think the only thing I'm more tired of than life itself is constantly trying to convince my T's that if I was going to top myself it would have happened long ago, and just because I admit praying often that I just don't wake up anymore doesn't mean I'm suicidal, I'm just really tired of the...

Ok, so somehow i managed to survive 47 years, how or why I'm still breathing is far beyond me, my earliest memories are of abuse that ended when I figured out at twelve that I was safer on the street, drugs, alcohol, violence, at least it was my choice, I'm now finally sober, after running the...