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I suffered from narcissistic abuse for three years. I had to witness horrible behaviors. The narc blatantly tried degrading me for control. I left and cut off all contact. However, I still suffer from residual damage. there are some things that I can't shake off. It's a reason why I have PTSD...

Miasmith, I think you're right. There is no winning with a narcissist because they don't care. Any normal person has at least some level of care but a narcissist has none. That's probably why it's so hard to move on.

It could run in the family but I didn't have any mental issues until I couldn't handle the abuse from my brother. He lacks empathy. My friends all agree. There is something wrong with him and he is a horrible person. Narcs will not apologize for what they've done. They enjoy the suffering of...

For the past six years I've had excessive paranoia. It developed after PTSD was born. However, I was on Adderall for a month and it got a lot worse. It was so bad that I bought a knife and went to class with it attached to my belt for protection. When I talked to people I felt like they were out...

I think my bro is a creep also. I woke up one morning and he was standing in a corner staring at me. I asked him what he was doing and he said that he had to get clothes out of the closet. He acted like everything was normal. I'm pretty sure it was gaslighting.

Wow, that is crazy. Sorry to hear that. I agree with you completely about reclaiming yourself. The problem arises when the narc knows how to attack the parts you are trying to reclaim. That is the reason they are lost in the first place... because the narc damaged them so bad.

I'm talking to Zain Arcane tomorrow. His insights have been much more helpful than therapy. He has online videos about narcissistic abuse.

I'm aware of what causes me pain. My brother used me like an object. He has no regard for me as a human being. It has been this way my whole life. I've been making music since I was 14. He knows how passionate I am about it and I am stilled called a wannabe Eminem. He does this intentionally to...

All that I want is my old normal habits back. I don't want to be who I used to be just a few qualities that shouldn't have disappeared. For example, it always seems like the universe is working against me. I woke up and my normal habitual behavior was to put on my glasses and turn on the light...

Even if the perpetrators have NPD, there actions are inexcusable. Any person can understand logically what is right or wrong behavior whether it's a psychopath or not.

We are exactly on the same page. Also, your peers see you as the odd one because you are no longer part of the "harmonious" and predictable way of life... being in the same relationships. If only they knew what the narc is behind closed doors. I tried showing one of my friends some Facebook...

Philippa, you're right. There is no other choice but to leave those sick people even if they're family. Honestly, I believe that those kind of people deserve to be hurt. It's how I feel deep inside. It's so hard accepting that he knew what he was doing and he knew that it was immoral. Your own...

I am definitely going to maintain no contact indefinitely. I had a nervous breakdown because of him. As a person, I literally can't handle being around him. He is a parasite and an older brother that intentionally tries to tap into my weaknesses like older siblings do. He knows that he's doing...

It feels like I have on invisible chains that need to be freed. Basically, my normal routine way of living was knocked off track. You expect people to be a certain way and if they are not it's very hard to adapt. You have preconceived notions that the person loves you or cares and that belief is...

Philippa, I maintain no contact. I am never going through that pain again. It's scary going back to how you were. I was hurt when I was at my BEST. That's a scary reality. He had to be an intelligent manipulator to tear me down when I was at my best. So there's a fear that if I get to that level...

I would technically be classified as having a personality disorder. That is a reason why I stopped going to therapy. My therapist told me that I probably have borderline personality disorder. I felt like he would have continued categorizing and labeling me as broken or odd as opposed to a normal...

Yep. Goes to show narc are illogical. Living my life knowing that they are will be tough. What I do know is that my brother intentionally tried hurting me. I can't hold in my feelings any longer. I've repressed the truth for too long. The lifestyle I had was extreme and positive. I had a 4.0 in...

Anonymous, that is why it seems like revenge is the only thing that would stop the madness. I'm not going to do that though. The perpetrator knows what he/she is doing and won't stop unless you send a clear message. Basically, I believed that I was living the right way and so did my peers. My...

bell, I focus on improving myself every day. I've tried letting it go and moving forward. The reason I study narcissistic abuse is because I don't want to be a victim of it again. You're right that I am what matters. I had that mindset when I was in college and I did very well. However, there...

I KNOW that my perception of things are skewed and it is because my belief system was tricked. I honestly believe that's why my PTSD has developed. Narcissists are very clever at making people doubt themselves. All that I'm trying to do is regain balance and not let any outside force manipulate...

I think about it not by choice. There's a part of me that wants to know what his motives were like you stated. For example, him and I were headed back to the house. He was driving and I was in the passenger's side. Suddenly he made a left turn into traffic and a van collided into my side. I was...

I'm in the process of getting rid of the contamination. I think what he instilled were lies and a part of me tries to hold on to them because I don't know what life would be like without them. It's hard after having lived with him for 21 years to retune your behavior where there is no impression...

Solara, I kicked him out of my life six years ago. I've probably spoken to him 5 times in that timeframe and it was just to get some things that I left at the house. I still feel like he is somehow involved in it even though I have broken contact. I know that the memories are in my life not him...

I feel like I'm 95% at where I want to be in my recovery. There are three things that keep me from escaping the cave and standing out in the light again. First, and most importantly, is my narcissist older brother. The best way that I can describe is that he knocked my life off track. I had a...

Yes, I've thought about the horrible aspects of firefighting. Personally, after witnessing such things I am more desensitized than the average person. That is why I think it may be an asset. It's hard for me to relate to a world that is all hunky dory like our institutions try to represent...